Block leave has ended...sigh..end of everything!! haha well This is the start of Pro term man and 20+ more weeks to go!! Can't wait for it all to end...for the past few days, i've been bumming around...going out wif so many different friends and well, hopefully i've spent enough time with you guys. I've spent alot of money too, and i also drove alot too..wasting lotsa petrol man...feeling damn guilty since i'm not the spendthrift type...in addition..i'm aghast by something horrible that happened and so in light of all this..i've decided to ban miself from driving out for 3 weeks unless super necessary and if possible, not to eat at places where food is too ex and not to spend so much money...

Anywae, i went for a missions talk juz now and i was quite touched during the presentation of phillipines and myanmar...the things the people and children go thru there juz to survive is remarkable man...the sufferings they go thru, living on rubbish..And here I am, the biggest sinner of all, juz complaining and whining about mi present state of condition in the army. Mi suffering is minute compared to the others. Sometimes i feel i've done injustice to the people around mi man...

Everytime someone asks mi how's life. Mi answer is quite simple. Either sian, or sucks, or tired...when have i ever replied wif a smile saying wad a blessing mi week has been...wierd, i tynk i'm sooo pampered in the past that i fail to see that everyday, i'm being blessed wif frens in army, wif gd friends outside and of course good training. Sometimes, i have to be more reflective instead of complaining all the time. From now on, i'll ENJOY all mi training and mi last few weeks in ocs. I'll cheerfully countdown till the day i commission man...and after that, by God's grace, i will be a good officer.

Finally!!! it's BLOCK LEAVE!! Which means i'm free from todae thursday till sunday night and the feeling of juz resting at home is fantabulous man!! It's been awhile since i've relly penned down mi thoughts about certain issues and i guess it's time to record them down lest i forget them as i did in the past few months.

Life as an officer cadet is sure tough but the pride and jubilation that i have as a Bravo cadet is there. We marched 23km on tuesday night and it was supposed to end on wednesday with the parade presenting us our third white bar on elephant hill at around 5+am on wednesday. This white bar signifies us becoming senior cadets in ocs and also the start of our Pro term as infantry commanders. The 23km march meanwhile was catered to signify the long road ahead of us before we get commissioned. We successfully completed the march wif jianhong zherui russell and many others continuously singing, even those cartoon shows like captain planet!! haha those were crazy times because those moments to me happened in a blur. Btw, jianhong's captain planet rap was fantastic.

However, we did not manage to get up elephant hill for our parade because another group of people booked the hill for an Exercise and it had greater precedence over a parade. And so the Echo guys took a tonner back to camp, because they as conducting for the whole cohort, only indented tonners for themselves. So in the end, Bravo, marched back to C for our parade. Hence the pride i feel. Other than that, training under lieutanent kal also made mi have more pride in the things i do, be it area cleaning, or the standard of our packing of field packs. He set an impossible standard to reach. But even when we fail to reach that impossible target, the standard we set is still higher than the other platoons...

Pride in the things we do. Sometimes i feel quite pissed that people fall in late after lunch. The fact that the same people always fall in late makes mi even angrier because dun they ever learn? The whole platoon has to wait for them..selfish people. But on a personal level, they are quite nice and farni people. Conflicting views i have of them. We got back our peer appraisal and i must say that the gd points i have of mi is relly too flattering. I dun tynk i help out as much as many others like jianhong yanda or russell. I feel that they are the real heroes of the platoons.

For yanda, always the first to volunteer for anything and always without grudge nor complaint. For jianhong, always daring to do wad others do not dare to. All the SHIT work he has got to do and it's relly shitty. He has to clean off the SHIT stains on the toilet bowls because those inconsiderate people juz left the stains there and most of us do not haf the moral courage to take a brush and scrub it off. Russell, also always one of the few to volunteer and he is really selfless in everything he does. This 3 i deeply respect. I do volunteer to do things, but sometimes i will complain and make some noise about selfish people. And i do not have the courage to do the things that jianhong does and i'm not totally selfless.

The points to improve though are quite expected. Some said i was quite annoying at times due to mi comments i guess. They said that i'm very straightforward and at times can have an abrasive effect on people. Also i tend to push for mi ideas and sometimes overlook others. Above all that, they said i shld listen more to the appointment holders instead of always voicing out mi own opinions to them.And during mi leadership position, i shld be less stressful and be more able to delicate tasks to people as well as speak up more to the platoon. Does all this sound familiar?? Well, i guess i shld change a little. I shall try to be less annoying wif mi comments. And i will try to minimise voicing out mi opinions to appointment holders and also to listen to other's ideas. But for the straightforward part, i guess it's gonna stay, because i'm juz being honest and sometimes, there's no need for tact.

And during mi leadership position, i guess everyone has to knoe that it's not that i'm not able to delicate tasts or speak up more. I agree that compared to the current appointment holders i fall wide short of standard. But there are so many reasons that people overlook. The most important of which is me being new in ocs. It was mi first day there when i got chosen to be the CPS. I've no clue wad mi tasks are, no clue how to get to places and more imporatantly, i dun relly knoe anyone from the platoon. Having support from people you knoe is key for a leader. Afterall, a leader is not a lone ranger. He is a man, respected and supported by many man around him. That's mi definition of a leader. Moreover, i believe in servant leadership. As in i will only pass down tasks for people tp do only if i myself have the capability to do it.

The only reason why the appointment holders are doing better now i guess is due to the familiarity wif the role. Afterall, it's been 8 weeks and if u ask mi to do the job again, haha, i hope i'll be able to do it well to account for mi lousy showing the first time. But well, peer appraisal is 1 thing, but knowing urself is another.

About love, sometimes like jianhong says, it's good to have someone in mind, because that person keeps you going. It's been some time since i dwell on this topic and for the past few weeks, i've been daydreaming quite alot. A pity i do not have any forms of photos of her or else i can paste it in mi bunk. I've also been wondering, to say or not to say? For 1, i'm afraid it will ruin mi friendship, but then again, if i shld not say, i'm unable to move on. Because after soooooo long, i still do not have a direct answer although i do get flashes of indirect hints from the indirect questions that i ask. Well, i guess i'll juz continue daydreaming for the moment. This issue has always been a dilemna, to say or not to say...eh zixu??

But anywae, the word love is still damn mushy..i prefer the word like. Maybe after so many years i have still not matured in mi thoughts yet. Oh anywae, that ger has fulfilled the 1 basic requirement. The rest, i tynk she exceeds all requirements. Fantastic person. One who has my utmost respect. But up till now, i still have not figured out the reason y i like her so much.

Tonight i will be going for mi bravo social night and again there'll be boozing...i juz hope to take advantage of the free flow soft drinks man...haha but dun worry, i dun drink beer and neither am i an alcoholic. I'm a non-drinker. I shall juz hope to find some ways to spend mi time there man..Gorge on the food..man we paid $40 for the buffet there..better be good...haha

I guess that's all so far...take care mi friends

Wad an eventful week full of interesting stuff man! To start it off i must thank jas and zixu for wad they did on monday man...heroes both of them are!! ok 1 hero and 1 heroine and i'm the gentleman in distress...haha wad happened was that i went to meet them after meeting fiona at cineleisure..was supposed to watch eric khoo's be with me..and someone came SO late that if we were to go in, we'd miss like 1/3 of the show and then it'd not be nice anymore..so we decided not to watch and instead to focus on zixu's stomach at kfc...

Mi jas and zixu then started to talk about some stuff which is top secret and soon it was time for mi to leave. Given mi accurate calculations, i would be able to reach home by 7pm and have quite alot of time to pack mi stuff but alas...so many things happened man...at first, it was juz a slight drizzle and i needed to take a cab home...but it suddenly got a bit heavier and i guess zx and jas din wanna leave mi coz they miss mi so much. So eventually they forced mi under the small umbrella of jas' and we crossed the same roads a few times juz to try to catch a taxi..and i tell u those taxis are dumbos...all empty coz they had to change shift...and which insane person would change shift juz when it's rush hour to get home?? irritating coz i can't get a single cab...

In the end they both suggested that i get a cab at taka's taxi stand and by then it was already quite late wif all the crossing here and there, not to mention that all 3 of us were wet. So of course the damsel jas suggested tt mi and zixu go on a little adventure of our own and head to the taxi stand. The storm by now was howling like mad and lightning were flashing everywhere. Mi and zixu were practically soaked from top to bottom, including mi socks and mi shoes..we finally got to taka cab stand and there i saw a damn long queue and i was wondering how can things get any worse man...seriously...how can it be?!

Luckily, i saw mi bus..190, got on it and were soon sent on a freezing long journey home. There was a massive jam along steven road wif a motorcyclist injured and i was relly afraid tt i'd be late man...afterall mi platoon commander once say that every min late means the person will book out 1 hour late...it's crazy man...luckily i managed to be on time tt day...thx to zixu and jas man..so touched man..relly reminded mi of that day at pasir ris when we juz sat there and talk. ha...ok enough bout them..

On wed we got happy hour where officer cadets go to he mess and drink drink and drink. Obviously being a non-drinker, mi renji and russell who all dun drink decided to juz ditch our platoon and go down to the canteen to have the famous egg and chicken noodle! It's nice man..too bad we juz had dinner and could not fully enjoy the food...hai..so we were quite bored and decided to head back to our wing line to join jonathon for a game of risk! And my it was certainly very fun! All the collaborations and backstabs...haha hope to play wif them again man..but yar back to the main thing about drinking, it's farni how people start to talk nonsense when they're drunk.

This guy shiwei, he's quite farni lar during our last parade. He was emboldened that he started talking all sorts of nonsense. Our cps landa was like asking him to stand behind since he was drunk lar...and not to join in the file, and guess wad shiwei said? " Landa, dun worry, i'm the armskote IC, i will take responsibility for everything i do." i mean wad the hell?! Wad has tt got to do wif being an armskote ic?! hahaha and he kept making pple laugh with his comments lar. Everytime our CWC says something, he'd be the only one hu answers " YES CWC!!"

Everyone was juz so tickled wif his comments lar...and when cwc said that tml after dinner we have.....then tt shiwei immediately whispered in a slow yet excited and wif lots of suspense " happy hour... " That seriously made all of us lose control lar...and i juz can't take it anymore lar..started laughing...aiya...all the drunkards that night did 1 farni thing or another...the other guy zhiwei, also quite farni..can't even stand str8 man...haha

But seriously...like wad some pple feel, i was quite sad by their actions lar...drink until liddat...and worse, the cadet mess was full of puke and argh..juz stank of beer and puke man..can't take it...and their drunk behavior..tsktsk..no wonder they all it happy hour...when they go drunk they juz keep on smiling and talking nonsense...and make everyone laugh..i guess tt's y it's happy hour!

And ya not to forget, we've started our OCCT package which stands for BLANK Close Combat Training. And wad we're learning now is basic breakfalls...which in other words, flinging ourselves onto the ground..pain i tell u..the most absurd one was todae's side breakfall...i swear it relly looked like a move from a wrestler in WWE man...The People's Elbow...haha ok lar..tt's all for now..

Below is a scene that could have won the top price in America's Funniest Home videos...hai...

Mi the protagonist was walking back into mi kitchen from the backyard when mi big dog, goldie decides to smell mi a little. I tynk i must have smelled superb..and suddenly, the small little white midget dog of mine got quite upset and decided to get aggressive man..He juz started to attack mi pants and started biting it real hard. I was wearing those jersey shorts which was quite loose and tt midget had to keep on tugging and tugging it until mi pants dropped down lar!

And tt sickening midget still refused to let go and kept on growling at mi man...The worse thing was mi mum and mi sister was also in the kitchen and i din knoe what tickled them so much because they were laughing hysterically and even after the whole ordeal was over, they still continued to laugh and laugh and laugh until i dunnoe when...argh..sickening man..

I needa discipline tt dog..

Heyhey!! Shiok man!! wondering y i'm out todae?? Coz we have night's out!! our first ever ever night's out man..but too bad, i can onl spend bout 1 hour plus more at home..coz gotta book in by 2300h..but well..at least i get to spend time at home talking to mi frens and of course mi favourite osim massage chair...

On monday, we had our platoon live firing and guess wad? I was the machine gunner..and it was damn damn shag...but damn damn shiok!! I altogether fired 750 blanks and 970 live rounds....it was relly relly damn shiok man..the machine gun is relly superb! The carrying of the sickeningly heavy gun is worth it..

Ok nvm..update more another time..play games first..

It's been a long and hard week since sunday man. And yes like missy yanrong the great pointed out, mi life now more or less revolves around the army. Actually i kinda enjoyed mi stint as CDS on last sunday because the whole wingline was so quiet and peaceful and it was one of the few times in camp that i actually had time to tynk and spent time wif miself alone. It's valuable time man..especially since i started on the book that eric gave mi titled " Ordering your Private World" I realised that mi inner and private world is kinda in a mess and chaotic rite now and it can be seen in mi everyday actions. I guess tt's the reason for mi burnout earlier.

I guess i do feel bitter about some pple in mi platoon. And i tynk they can't stand mi too. And mi buddy, i tynk he can't stand mi too for wad reason i dunnoe. Mayb he tynks i'm weak? But if he considers mi telling him about how i feel about training and everything as weak, then i tynk mayb he got it all wrong. I'm juz more emotional and expressive than most pple and i tend to share wif pple mi thoughts and feelings. But i guess i shld try to keep to miself more man. I guess that's how guys communicate wif one another? Never able to speak forth their true emotions to one another coz of apparent weakness? I dunnoe. But to mi, it's strength and courage. Afterall, how many pple can openly tell others what they really tynk?

And of course there are those pple that i'm bitter about. I must learn to forgive them too. Because in Mark 11:25 " And when you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him so that your father in heaven mayb forgive you your sins" Not so much for forgiving mi sins but rather i dun wanna harbour any ill or bitter feelings towards anyone coz it's unhealthy for the soul and heart.

Juz had a talk with mi youngest sister yesterday and it was the first of its kind ever where we had brother and sister talks ( other than during quarrels or arguments ). She asked for mi opinion on some things and i juz gave her mi take on it lar..haha it's quite a funny experience but hope i can play mi big brother role well. Afterall, i neglected her quite alot when i was in sec sch jc etc..now tt i'm in army..i realised tt i appreciate mi family members alot and well sometimes i juz wanna stay home to accompany them for meals, to watch dvds etc..it's a special bonding time.

Hmmm, i dunnoe if i'm becoming more social inept, but i realised tt i do not knoe how to talk to pple anymore..including mi female frens..i dunnoe wad to tok to them about anymore..army? Hurricane katrina? Uni life? So limited! So few common areas already..it's like our lives have taken a huge divergence man..Oh well..mayb when we both start to work then we'll have more common things to talk about..

Oh yar i have to mention this!! Mi family recently bought an OSIM massage chair last week and it's damnnnnnnn shiok i tell u! And i guess it's like a curse thing..coz for mi patrol field camp on wed, i carried the dumb machine gun tripod wif mi field pack and mi sbo!! Everything weighed bout 30+kg altogether and i almost died from backache lar!! Throughout the field camp, mi motivation was to come back on friday night to use the massage chair!! but alas, the wing commander wants us all to stay back coz our stores are dirty and partly also coz he's angry tt some guy in platoon 3 lost a smoke grenade...hai...but yar the chair is damn shiok....

okok i guess that's it for now...take care folks!