wow!! salsa is juz electrifying man! Tonight, my salsa refresher has officially ended and finally, i got the guts to ask for a few numbers from my classmates to ask them out to dance in future! haha Super duper fun man! I can't emphasise how fun salsa really really is!! Such a great and energetic social dance!

Any of you out there who wanna learn can tell me, i'll intro you to a great school man! Any of you out there who also knows how to dance this can pls pls pls ask me out to dance!! haha

So many thoughts are still swirling in my head and i think only a few of my church friends really know the thing that has been bothering me for awhile. And really, this issue is making me grow up, fast. I always feel that whenever we face a problem, we will learn from it and grow up. And when we face a monumental and big problem, that we ourselves are not in control of, we grow up 10 times faster.

It's really a miracle that amid the crisis that I'm going through, amid the rough patches, the tears and pain and desperation, I am still able to function rather normally on the outside and am able to smile and laugh and have fun around people. Thank God for that courage man. Apologies to the friends that are really close to me. It's not that i do not want to share with you my problems, but it is not my problems, but someone else's problems but of whom I'm also sharing the burden.

I just reflected and i realised that the pain i feel from the burden is really not from me. And i finally understood what it feel like and what it actually means to share in the burden of your loved ones. And of course to share all joy, sorrow, pain, disappointment, blessings, and everything else with them too! Very often, all we're able to do is to share in the happiness and joy, and occasionally, share in the unhappiness of our loved ones.

But seldom do we actually feel pain, seldom do we actually breakdown and cry, asking God for help in total desperation. Many a times, the unhappiness that we share with our friends after hearing their problems is because we feel inadequate, and helpless. But the pain i feel, is not only that of someone that's helpless, but also because directly i can feel the pain of my loved ones. And it's really forcing me to grow up real quick.

At times, though i may act jovial and happy and all, at the same time, the pain is just ripping my heart apart beneath my loudhailer voice and thunderous laughter. How can i celebrate when my loved ones are in trouble? How can i make merry when my loved ones are sad? If i could control my emotions, of course i'd want to be happy, who likes to be sad right?

But sadly, i cannot control myself. It's also really rare for me to totally breakdown and cry, probably wail instead of the sobbings. I don't remember me crying that badly in the last decade of my life.

Well, for those people who really care for me and wish me well, you can say a prayer for me. But please do not ask me what it is about, because if i wanted to, i would have told you already. Afterall, some of you guys out there are my closest friends. But sometimes, i need something else, other than a listening ear or possible solutions. Because i do not believe human intervention has any place in this. So please please give me my hour of solitude and respect my decision.

Thanks for your concerns and care. And for also bearing with me, because i'm not able to express myself well in writing.

Regards,

It's really been a long time since i updated this blog of mine. And really, my friends are saying that i'm really shallow! The things that i type etc, shallow shallow shallow which i cannot disagree lar.

So many things have happened in the last month and i really do not know where to start. However i tynk i will not be like dear zixu who has a gifted flair for typing and can always type out entries that stretches on for eternity. I tynk the highlight of the month has got to be the 4 day 3 night church camp, given the miracle that happened to me.

I experienced God there, it's hard to explain, but i can just feel the presence of God as well as am able to hear him speak. It's just great to be touched by God and the things that have been bothering me are just being addressed by the speaker there miraculously. The 1 thing i took home was to pray pray pray. I admit that throughout the years of being a christian, this is 1 aspect which i really fail in. At times i'll just be too lazy to pray man!

But ever since i came back, i re-discovered the joy of praying. Just feel so happy and rested whenever i pray. And i really can't help but look for people to pray pray pray more around me!

Of course who can forget the date 29 June 2006, which happened to add a BIG 2 in front of my age. Byebye teen life, hello adulthood. Yeayea, who can forget that date?!! Many many people forgotten!! haha no lar i'm joking! This year i actually got many messages too even though i did not continue my previous year's antics which was to constantly heckle and remind the people around me. Am touched by the gestures from my friends!

And on that day itself, i was lucky that my office decided to be kind and give me an off day! So i went blading at east coast park! And thereafter to watch superman! Fantastic show. Kind of messianic in some sense and really, great! To me 5 stars, to others mayb not that much.

Danke to all my friends! What's DANKE?! You ask. It's Thank You in german. I saw it in the Straits Times today. Juergen Klinsmann, the coach of germany wore this T-shirt that said, Danke Deutshland, which means thank you germany. In a way, the german team have really won the hearts of their fans and really instilled the sort of german pride that has been lacking in germany since world war 2. In a way, i somehow can feel the emotions too! Imagine, living in a germany without hope and without pride and your national team play so well. It's really touching and really great to see hope in germany again.

And of course a big thank you to zixu who offered me the chance to preview ndp this year. Went there on sat to see a great display and performance! Really proud to be a singaporean esp while singing the national anthem and saying the pledge that binds me as a true blue singaporean. Celebrated my belated birthday at cartel at marina square and i got a polo t-shirt that is meant for BOYS. Yes, the label read BOYS Large. Sickening man those people!

In the course of my recount, of course i would miss out on many outings but well, please do not begrudge me. Church has been fantastic and can really align myself to my church's vision. It surely is moving ahead towards exciting times!

Although sometimes, i've suffered, and i've been sad but i tynk God is always there for me. Even through the times that i've rejected him, that's why he's such a great and faithful God. Many times i would ask why he would allow certain things to happen, but then again, i know that he has ultimate and supreme bird's eye view of the whole situation and that i should trust Him for only wanting the best for me. When i ascend, i will see him and ask him all the doubts i have.

Danke to my friends once again! And of course to james and liangfa for coming to the match yesterday. Although we lost by a huge margin and i played crap, but i guess i enjoyed myself. It's one of those matches where i'm just glad, because i got to play with my friends again, especially james, with whom i've not played together with for a long time already! A pity i have to play in defence man, or I'd really love to link up with him!

'For I long to live a life worthy of Him.'