So many thoughts are still swirling in my head and i think only a few of my church friends really know the thing that has been bothering me for awhile. And really, this issue is making me grow up, fast. I always feel that whenever we face a problem, we will learn from it and grow up. And when we face a monumental and big problem, that we ourselves are not in control of, we grow up 10 times faster.
It's really a miracle that amid the crisis that I'm going through, amid the rough patches, the tears and pain and desperation, I am still able to function rather normally on the outside and am able to smile and laugh and have fun around people. Thank God for that courage man. Apologies to the friends that are really close to me. It's not that i do not want to share with you my problems, but it is not my problems, but someone else's problems but of whom I'm also sharing the burden.
I just reflected and i realised that the pain i feel from the burden is really not from me. And i finally understood what it feel like and what it actually means to share in the burden of your loved ones. And of course to share all joy, sorrow, pain, disappointment, blessings, and everything else with them too! Very often, all we're able to do is to share in the happiness and joy, and occasionally, share in the unhappiness of our loved ones.
But seldom do we actually feel pain, seldom do we actually breakdown and cry, asking God for help in total desperation. Many a times, the unhappiness that we share with our friends after hearing their problems is because we feel inadequate, and helpless. But the pain i feel, is not only that of someone that's helpless, but also because directly i can feel the pain of my loved ones. And it's really forcing me to grow up real quick.
At times, though i may act jovial and happy and all, at the same time, the pain is just ripping my heart apart beneath my loudhailer voice and thunderous laughter. How can i celebrate when my loved ones are in trouble? How can i make merry when my loved ones are sad? If i could control my emotions, of course i'd want to be happy, who likes to be sad right?
But sadly, i cannot control myself. It's also really rare for me to totally breakdown and cry, probably wail instead of the sobbings. I don't remember me crying that badly in the last decade of my life.
Well, for those people who really care for me and wish me well, you can say a prayer for me. But please do not ask me what it is about, because if i wanted to, i would have told you already. Afterall, some of you guys out there are my closest friends. But sometimes, i need something else, other than a listening ear or possible solutions. Because i do not believe human intervention has any place in this. So please please give me my hour of solitude and respect my decision.
Thanks for your concerns and care. And for also bearing with me, because i'm not able to express myself well in writing.
Regards,
It's really a miracle that amid the crisis that I'm going through, amid the rough patches, the tears and pain and desperation, I am still able to function rather normally on the outside and am able to smile and laugh and have fun around people. Thank God for that courage man. Apologies to the friends that are really close to me. It's not that i do not want to share with you my problems, but it is not my problems, but someone else's problems but of whom I'm also sharing the burden.
I just reflected and i realised that the pain i feel from the burden is really not from me. And i finally understood what it feel like and what it actually means to share in the burden of your loved ones. And of course to share all joy, sorrow, pain, disappointment, blessings, and everything else with them too! Very often, all we're able to do is to share in the happiness and joy, and occasionally, share in the unhappiness of our loved ones.
But seldom do we actually feel pain, seldom do we actually breakdown and cry, asking God for help in total desperation. Many a times, the unhappiness that we share with our friends after hearing their problems is because we feel inadequate, and helpless. But the pain i feel, is not only that of someone that's helpless, but also because directly i can feel the pain of my loved ones. And it's really forcing me to grow up real quick.
At times, though i may act jovial and happy and all, at the same time, the pain is just ripping my heart apart beneath my loudhailer voice and thunderous laughter. How can i celebrate when my loved ones are in trouble? How can i make merry when my loved ones are sad? If i could control my emotions, of course i'd want to be happy, who likes to be sad right?
But sadly, i cannot control myself. It's also really rare for me to totally breakdown and cry, probably wail instead of the sobbings. I don't remember me crying that badly in the last decade of my life.
Well, for those people who really care for me and wish me well, you can say a prayer for me. But please do not ask me what it is about, because if i wanted to, i would have told you already. Afterall, some of you guys out there are my closest friends. But sometimes, i need something else, other than a listening ear or possible solutions. Because i do not believe human intervention has any place in this. So please please give me my hour of solitude and respect my decision.
Thanks for your concerns and care. And for also bearing with me, because i'm not able to express myself well in writing.
Regards,
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