enoughsaid

Saturday, July 30, 2005

I shld have been in tekong now because i was picked to do guard duty on sunday and the practice is tt for sun guard duties, we have to be back there the night before to prepare ourselves..but no..here i am at home typing this entry and i'm not even on mc...

I received a call from mi sergeant at about 1.30pm yesterday which was a friday. He told me that i was on reserve guard duty for friday itself and i have to get back to camp immediately since 1 of the trainees was sick. At that time i did not suspect anything and i was prepared to go change to book in already. He then asked mi if i wanted to go ocs and there i was giving him the most frank answer i can ever come up with. After weeks of tynking thru this question, i still could not come up wif an answer. So i told him tt i honestly could not decide.

Seriously, in mi first 2 weeks of sispec life, i relly wanted to leave tt place and go to ocs because i could not stand the oc and the system in mi charlie company. But subsequently, i got to knoe mi sergeants better, and of course got to knoe mi section mates better, i relly felt comfortable and dun relly wanna go to ocs anymore. So mi sergeant told mi tt since i can't decide, he'll decide for mi and that i've been selected to go to ocs and was required to book in that night to pack up everything...

And there went mi long weekend break man..that day itself i had to rush to prepare the documents needed and get mi attire for ocs. Actually, i did not relly knoe wad to expect from ocs. I did not knoe about the culture there, the training there and of course the people there. I was quite apprehensive and still in a state of shock that i got selected. Can u imagine? The place where officers train...haha i can't imagine man..

The moment i stepped in that place, i could already feel the pressure to be the best. Everything they provided for us was almost the best. Accomodation, food, environment....perfect..perfect for training to be the best. I could also feel the tremendous expectation from the commanders and from the other trainees who were in ocs all along since bmt though we haven't met them yet. It's like they expect us, the people who crossover from sispec, to be the best in everything since we're supposed to be the 'elite' from sispec.

I guess i dun relly feel tt great because i knoe mi own limits and weaknesses. Last night, after packing mi stuff, i was juz lying on mi bed and asking God why He planned for mi to go to ocs...i dun understand and i can't see mi destiny. I dun understand why he wanted mi to be there. All these questions, will be answered in time to come but hopefully till then, i'll be able to continue to read mi bible and continue in mi walk consistently. He has blessed mi alot so far although twice in a row, He has placed mi in the tougher companies of sispec and ocs. I'm sure He has a reason for that and i'm juz going to trust Him to mould mi character in his image. Already i can feel a change in mi since i go into sispec..i guess it's because i rely on God more than myself..i must continue to surrender man..

Anywae james brought up a point juz now. He said that last time in bmt, we all worked hard in order to work towards our ocs dream and avoid sispec...but now that i'm in sispec, i dun relly wanna go over to ocs..haha it's quite wierd lar..but then again, y most pple wanna go ocs is because of the prestige that comes wif the rank compared to being a sergeant. I dunnoe about miself but i juz wanna go there and proof to the rest that sispec can produce good trainees too. I wanna proof to mi commanders that ocs is not the only place to produce top class people..but to do that..i have to rely on God once again because like i said..i'm a weak person..

Tt's all for now..hopefully the next time u guys see mi will be next week man! Bless you guys and take care.

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