enoughsaid

What in the world is God waiting for?

2008-04-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

"On a dangerous seacoast where shipwrecks often occur, there was once a crude little life-saving station. The building was just a hut, and there was only one boat. But the few devoted members kept a constant watch over the sea, and with no thought for themselves went out day and night tirelessly searching for the lost. Some of those who were saved, and various others in the surrounding area, wanted to become associated with the station and give of their time and money and effort for the support of its work. New boats were bought and new crews trained. The little life-saving station grew.

Some of the members of the life-saving station were unhappy that the building was so crude and poorly equipped. They felt that a more comfortable place should be provided as the first refuge of those saved from the sea. They replaced the emergency cots with beds and put better furniture in the enlarged building.

Now the life-saving station became a popular gathering place for its members, and they decorated it as sort of a club. Fewer members were now interesting in going to sea on life-saving missions, so they hired lifeboat crews to do this work. The life-saving motif still prevailed in this club's decoration, and there was a lliturgical lifeboat in the room where the club initiations were held.

About this time, a large ship was wrecked off the coast, and the hired crews brought in boatloads on cold, wet and half-drowned people. They were dirty and sick and some had black skin and some had yellow skin. The beautiful new club was in chaos. So the property committee immediately had a shower house built outside the club where victims of shipwrecks could be cleaned up before coming inside.

At the next meeting, there was a split in the club membership. Most of the members wanted to stop the club's life-saving activities, as it was unpleasant and a hindrance to the normal social life of the club. Some members insisted upon life-saving as their primary purpose and pointed out that they were still called a life-saving station. But they were finally voted down and told that if they wanted to save lives of all the various kinds of people who were shipwrecked in those waters, they could begin their own life-saving station down the coast. So they did just that.

As the years went by, the new station experienced the same changes that had occurred in the old. It evolved into a club, and yet another 'spin-off' life-saving station was founded. History continued to repeat itself, and if you visit that sea coast today, you will find a number of exclusive clubs along that shore. Shipwrecks are frequent in those waters, but most of the people drown."

The above was a story that i got from this book i'm reading called "what in the world is God waiting for?" and as i continued to read, i realised that the author meant us to at the end come to the point and ask "what in the world am I waiting for?"

The Church cannot lose it's fundamental purpose for existence, and that is to share the love of Christ with all nations. The moment we lose our fundamental purpose for existence, we will just be like the original life-saving station in the story; we'll just be a social club.

Someone aptly once said that the Church is the only club that was invented for the benefit of the non-members. Let the Church go back to its fundamental roots of disciple-making and we will see lives changed, churches revived, a nation transformed and a world evangelized. For without the coming together of the Word and Spirit, we will not see the revival for which we hunger.

Matt 28:19-20
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

The call isn't just to GO, the call is to GO MAKE DISCIPLES. Am i ready? Are you ready?

2008-04-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

2008-03-17T07:17:00.001-07:00

As i read the various articles on channel news asia today, suddenly i just felt so saddened by the state of the world.

Violence is almost everywhere, it's really unthinkable and my heart and prayer goes out to the people of those nations.

Iraq, 5 years after post-invasion is still in slums with people dying daily in attacks.

Lhasa, the capital of tibet is in ruins after tibetans started to riot and beat and damage all things chinese.

Kosovo, where 30 UN police were injured after they tried to evict about 300 serbs who were illegally occupying a UN place in protest of kosovo's declared independence.

I seriously do not understand, why all these people would let their anger boil over and injure other civilians.

Can't believe, first entry after so long, and it's about such saddening stuff.

Vulnerability

2007-08-20T09:40:00.001-07:00

2007-08-20T08:47:00.001-07:00

haha thanks all u pple out there who have sms-ed or tagged. Can't believe pple still read this man..it's all about knowing what to do, yet am unwilling to do it. It's that kind of feeling.
I've handled things quite well so far up till last week when my thoughts have since been on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs.
And at my extreme weakness, all i yearn for is....but i can't be selfish. ha

2007-08-18T11:47:00.001-07:00

you've disappeared from my life...now who else can i really unload all my burdens to? You used to be the one..but now u're gone.

Birthday party...part 1

2007-07-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

Wow...my birthday party is over, up till now i can hardly believe it because i was just so busy for the past 3 weeks, just planning games and planning everything. This will be 1 of 2 posts and i've decided to do a post on all my presents so far. Haha i'm still gonna receive a few more, but i'll upload the pics of those next time...

All my presents!! Including all the cards i received

A GUESS watch from my Uncle John and family...This is a jumbo watch and it's really super duper nice man..

A Titus watch from my cousin Xingquan and family...it's darn nice..red my favourite..

Books!! From the left, "Love that Lasts" from wendy, "The Screwtape letters" from eric and angeline, "living life boldly" from jessica chia, and "steps to a successful christian" from ian. All these people are from my cell group!

Escape CK cologne from my ex cell group members : Shawna, Huimin, Gary, Yitian. While i said that i dun want cologne, i was just joking lar! HAHA! The reason was that i have too many cologne at home. Oh well, now i can use it everyday since i have a great abundance. Hope i wun attract too many girls man!

A tie and fantastic bookmark from ruth, a church friend. I'll have many future use for it..in fact i tynk i can already use it for church dinner in september!

SKS bookstore vouchers!! This is 1 of my favourite gifts, because SKS bookstore is 1 of my favourite bookstores of all time. I spend about $50 a month buying books from there...So a very very fitting gift! The thing is, this place is a christian bookstore and is located at a super ulu place, yet they went and got this for me. And Even photostat the voucher onto a harder piece of paper so that i can keep a replica as a souvenior of the gift i received...from: Limin and Eexuan (and Limin's bf!)

Another fantastic gift from my class. Thanks for this wonderful gift coz my handphone is really ancient and ah pek already! From 15 pple. zixu, jasmine, valerie, seok fun, fiona, boon cheng, melisa, meiling, xu cen, zhenjie, wee boon, jianhong, sengkiat, cheekeong, junyuan

Wow!! 1 of only 2 people who acknowledged that i'm a genius. haha another great gift..TECMAN, 2nd favourite bookstore in singapore, and i also love frequenting this place! thanks for the vouchers and the card, Felicia, my cell group friend. I love your note especially, very touched.

5 birthday cards that i received...from My aunt Constance and family (blue card). This card is hilarious, it reads, on your birthday...ones that make you LAUGH, or ones full of MONEY. And inside is really a red packet with alot of money...SHOCKED! Card on top left is from shawna huimin gary, Red card is from fiona norman agnes, green ducky card is from my Aunt Helen, and last card below is from Valerie. I love this card the most. So simple and nice. Very nice message inside too.
3 CDs from jieqiang who is also from my cell group! Fantastic man...i love cds with christian songs...FaceDOWN by MATT REDMAN, and the other 2 is SAXCHILL and PIANOCHILL. nice.

All my ang pows...i shall not disclose how much i got...haha but yea mostly from all my aunts and uncles and grandparents.
Another shocking and totally unexpected gift...Barney coin bank from fiona norman and agnes...inside is a whopping amount of $$.

Chocolates and a tissue box again from Aunt Helen, wah she got me many things. And she said that the tweety looks like me. What did i say about me being cute? haha

My guestbook! A present given to me by janie. And in it, is recorded all the well-wishes of all my friends and relatives, my parents and all the funny stuff also...hahaha makes me wanna laugh just reading it..hee...

Zara long sleeve shirt from my army ocs pals, mark shiwei serhwee and weize...thanks guys..hope your tummies are feeling better!

Wah...after this i still must blog about my party...then must blog about recent happenings...wah a few long posts ahead man!

2007-06-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

Wishlist...hahaha!!

I want a Canon Digital IXUS 850 IS...a new digital camera..otherwise some canon vouchers would be good!!

I want a new handphone!!

I want many many new books, i love to read. If can get me vouchers from SKS Bookstore, that's the best, i spend on average $50 a month on new books...haha

I want...eh..the rest haven't thought about it but please no cologne!! I got tonnes of it at home already!! hahaha

retreat

2007-06-11T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'll be going on a retreat from tuesday morning to thursday morning and please forgive me if i do not reply your emails, or your sms-es. My phone might be switched off at times but do sms or call me if there's any emergency. I'll be having my retreat in singapore, and i'll have no access to my computer as i'll be spending 2 days away from home.

Just to spend time with God.

"That's Strange"

2007-06-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

A man named William Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone:

"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative.

He suggested the following;

"Here Lies a Man who was BOTH honest and a lawyer."

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:
"That's Strange!!"

Ok quite a funny and corny joke..

2007-06-05T08:16:00.000-07:00

All right. My sister and her friends have designed a few dri-fit t shirts that comes in the following colours and in many sizes. So for those who wanna order, just sms me or leave a tag ok? It's quite reasonable at $15 each. Not bad really some of the designs. Can be used as jerseys too. They're designing it to raise some funds for their new club. Interesting.

2007-06-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

Roald dahl, brilliant. I spent about 3 hours to read a compilation of 13 stories and this is the 1 word that came to mind. The stories are so engaging, because you will never ever know what the ending is like. The suspense just continues building up and keeps you guessing. Even his endings are not those full endings, but leaves it to the readers imaginations. No wonder people have always said what a good author he is. Simply wickedly creative i say.

Today i got to play street soccer with norman and some of his friends from JJ. Finally, even though we were playing in an indoor pavilion kind of place, but still it felt great. It's really so exciting just being in the team, even if i do not know a single 1 of them. But in a way it's good because i could just get on with my game and play my style and i felt that once again i'm more comfortable playing in defence because...i get to rest more!!

Haha! No more stamina already! But i did surge forward when i had the opportunities and some of my passes, erm, i do not mean to self praise here, but were beautiful man. Like how once i lobbed the ball over their defence but the striker couldn't finish it. And once i received a pass on my head and was going to volley it immediately when the keeper was just beside me and i decided to hold back and not end up kicking him accidentally. It felt so good to make those through passes and once-in-a-while magical stuff.

Our team went on a 5 game winning streak, with the keepers rotating everytime a goal is scored. And honestly, i had no choice but to let in some goals because i was more worried about my face and my operation site. It's still quite raw and the dorctor told me that i would need about 3 months for it to recover and i wouldn't want to go for another operation should my face be rammed by the ball. But other than that i think i was quite ok playing as a defender, allowing the other 2 guys the freedom to attack. Of course, during the 5th game, no more stamina and so no more magical stuff from me...oh well...

Great day...

dream....

2007-05-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

I had this dream last night, which until now is still so vivid. I remember being on a soccer pitch, playing a match against our juniors from rv who were 2 years younger. And i was someone like gary neville, playing at right back. It's really interesting because the attacks from our juniors were non-existent and i remember rampaging up and down the right flank and i was just enjoying the process of attacking and crossing and playing with my sec4 friends.

It was so incredible, the entire feeling. So real that when i woke up from my dream, i could still feel the adrenalin rush and feel my pulse racing man. I really miss playing soccer. But i also recognise that i have no technique and no skills and no stamina. And i did not expect that i would really miss playing soccer this much. I used to play almost everyday in the past. Not that i was good then, but at that time even though i had no skills still, i was quite clinical in my finishing when i played street soccer. That's when i played at my neighbourhood street soccer court, and teams would just want me on their side so much.

I guess i just have the ramming skills. All the clinical finishing actually came from hours of playing alone. My friend, who stays a few blocks away, would be late consistently for about 30min. Oh on a side note, i also do not understand why most of my male friends are latecomers!!! Zixu yes you. Anyway, i would actually use the time alone to play passing with the wall and just kept shooting into the goal from all angles. When there are teams there, and i get to be with my primary school friend on the same team, we were quite a potent force.

He was the dribbler and would feed me, while i prefer to play it simple by passing and moving around. And we formed a great partnership because we both did what we were good at and we were quite telepathic. All kinds of passes, high passes, low passes, flicks, 1-2s...amazing man. And whenever i strike the ball, and see it lobang the keeper, that feeling is wonderful.

Ok enough about soccer. On sunday, i just went for the Global Day of Prayer at the National Stadium and it's phenomenal. At that event itself, there was probably 20+ thousand people gathered together to worship and to pray. On a global scale, on that day itself, millions of people would be gathering worldwide to pray for their countries and pray for the world. This is the 2nd time that it's held at the national stadium and what a fitting way to have this prayer meeting at our national icon that is going to be torn down soon.

My CG(including those with red shirts looking at the camera) with Pastor Edmund.

Alright..pretty tired already...night

Homosexuals

2007-05-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

I went for a conference for youths on saturday called iHope and the guest speaker is Sy Rogers. The amazing thing was that before he became a christian, he was a homosexual. And he was so deeply inside it that when Jesus spoke to him one day in his room, he was on the hospital waiting list to change his gender and has been living and working as a woman for 1 and a half years.

And slowly as he began to give his life to God, God began to help him deal with his sexual sin. And now he's happily married to a wife for 20+ years with a daughter of 21 years old waiting to be married. He has his own ministry, which is to go around the world, helping homosexuals and specialising in dealing with sexual sin. His past was quite traumatic. When he was young, he was sexually abused by someone and his mum died in a car crash due to drink driving. His dad sent him off to live with strangers so that his dad could recover and had some space for a year.

At that age, it felt as if even his father was rejecting him and it hurt him. He lived with ladies and soon he began to pick up their accent, and their mannerisms. So much so that when he went back to stay with his dad, his family was worried and forced him to join manly activities such as horse riding, soccer, mountain climbing, scouts etcetcetc...But even then, everywhere he went, people kept abusing him in school because of his mannerisms and behaviour. They would abuse him in the locker room, at the toilet, at the bus stop, in the bus, in the classrooms, along the corridor...almost everywhere.

Then he left for brazil for an exchange and saw how gays and homosexuals were so popular there. The people he stayed with happened to be actors and actresses. Soon, he had the thought that, since many people think that i'm a homosexual, then i must be a homosexual and thereafter started his gay lifestyle. When he returned to america to study in the university, he would have pple coming up to him, debating with him about gays, have death threats. He basically divided opinions everywhere he went.

Ok to cut the already long story short, after a few years and a stint in the navy, he decided to go for a sex change operation at John Hopkins Hospital and before the surgery, patients had to live for 2 years as a woman first and if they could cope with the emotional changes then the operation would proceed. So 1.5 years later, Sy was in his room, practising a kind of meditation from some religion when he felt the strong presence of God in his room and God speaking to him very clearly, though i forgot what did God say to him.

Anyway, after that experience he still wasn't 100% convinced even though he cried and gave his life to God and while putting on his makeup in the car 3 days later he heard something astonishing on radio. A spokesman from John Hopkins University actually made an announcement that the sex change clinic was closed down because according to their research, those who went through the sex change did not feel much happier, in fact they felt worst.

I left out many parts in between because i forgot some of them but that's the gist of it. He was so into the homosexual lifestyle that he was the best man for 2 of his gay friend's wedding. He would sleep around with strangers etc...

He said something that left an imprint on my heart. Homosexuals do not go to hell because they are homosexuals but because they do not know Christ. What they need is not people debating with them whether homosexuality is right or not, but rather what they need is God. Homosexuality is just another sin, although it's a sexual sin and sexual sins are often the hardest to overcome.

Another thing is that accepting Christ is not entering a state of Nirvana. I dunnoe where people ever get the idea. Accepting Christ does not mean that immediately we become perfect, we dun sin, we stop lying, stop cursing etcetc, but it just means that we are now called God's children. And in God's time, he will deal with the issues and the sins in our lives. Accepting Christ does not mean that all our problems disappear, but that now we have a God that is so real that really loves us so much that he is willing to help us to carry our burdens, and to give us a hope and a future when the world has no hope and no future.

In a way, our lives is just like a book. The ending has already been written. And we just have to walk and live with the end in mind. No matter what happens, as long as we follow and trust god, everyday on earth is already part of eternal life. I have never ever regretted my decision to become a christian, not that i needed a purpose in life. But because of the relationship between me and God, something that is just between me and God.

I also find it funny anyway how people always have this science vs christianity debate, but there's not science vs buddhism, or science vs hinduism, or science vs islam? Or even how pple from other relitions argue so strongly for evolution to disprove christianity that not once did they ponder how their faith and evolution can ever come together.

Disclaimer: This is just some musings and in no way an insult to other religions.

kaka

2007-05-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

In September, 2000, at the age of 18, Kaká suffered a career-threatening and possibly paralysis-inducing spine fracture as a result of a pool accident. The worst did not occur, however, and Kaká fully recovered from the incident. One year later Kaká made his comeback on the pitch, when he came in as a reserve-substute in the Tornero Rio Final. His team was down by one goal when the coach decided to put on the reserve, Kaká with 14 minutes left. The commentators were going crazy and said that there was some possibility that the São Paulo coach was crazy, but after two minutes Kaká had scored two goals and taken his team to a victory. He attributes his recovery to God and has since tithed his income to his church.

He is known to sport Christian gear from time to time: he has worn an "I Belong to Jesus" t-shirt on several occasions during matches, such as during the Brazilian team's celebration after their 2002 World Cup victory, and during Milan's Scudetto celebration in May 2004. He wears shoes customised with the same words written on them. Every time he scores he points his fingers to the sky as a sign of thanks to God. He is proud that he was a virgin when he married.

The best image is below though, kneeling in the middle of the pitch, giving thanks to God. I guess what i like so much about him is that he's always so humble, like i mentioned earlier, never once claiming a goal was scored by him, and getting all the glory. Instead, he always thanks God for the goal and credits it to God alone.

I belong to Jesus!

Chasing after worthlessness

2007-05-24T05:55:00.000-07:00

Haha!! My mum just chipped off 1 of her tooth while eating those fried fish skin! So now my dad and my mum is has one blank file at the exact same spot!! And tt makes 3 family members with 1 blank file including me! Wee!! Join the party man!

I was reading about the champions league finals when i chanced upon this sentence

=> At the end Kaka slumped to his knees in the centre circle and prayed to the heavens while Inzaghi was enveloped in a sea of white shirts.

Kaka is such a man of God. Everytime he scores a goal, he would point his 2 hands towards heaven in a gesture to thank God for the goal that he scored. Thank God for people of such strong faith in a sport so permeated with scandals and self-glorifying moments. In fact, i've never ever seen Kaka claiming how good he is. He's always that humble guy, out of the limelight.

Today i had my last session of a mentoring course in church office and once again i learnt so many many things. It's great to listen and watch a video of Pastor Edmund speaking for a conference in KL. This is a man who walks the talk. And those pastors that he mentor all almost take after his humility.

And i guess the one thing i learnt from him today is to learn how to cultivate the inner life. How many christians actually do not even know of the inner life, prefering to do alot of things for God, frequently "running on empty" and in the end succumbing to soul fatigue? I guess i've been like that too in the past, not knowing what is it like to live a called life.

And the symptoms of soul fatigue are a sense of rush and restlessness, a sense of boredom and a sense of isolation. It's scary because it's something i've been through and i can totally understand what he was saying. And he had this to share :

Jeremiah 2:5
Thus says the Lord:
"What wrong did your fathers find in me that they went far from me, and went after worthlessness, and became worthless?"

The context of this was the prophet Jeremiah, upon receiving God's word went to tell the people of Israel, because while God has been so faithful to them, many times, they chose to rebel against God and chased after idols and not keep God's commands.

And this verse also applies in this generation. How often have i went after worthlessness, went after things that are not of eternal value, chased after the idols in my heart, and missed out on the great God? The message is simple. Chase after worthlessness, you'll be worthless. Chase after emptiness, you'll be worthless. Soon in this world, we'll just lose our identities. Who are we? Who am i? What is your purpose for your life?

Chase after God, because he alone is worthy. What is holding you back?

2007-05-22T04:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the most incredible of the incredibles happened! A CG friend accidentally THREW my retainers down the bin chute!

It's incredible and i guess it's still worth a few chuckles now. We were celebrating Angeline's birthday, who happened to be eric's fiancee. So we had the cake and all, and i had to take out my retainers while eating the cake and so i wrapped it in 2 pieces of tissue and just left it on the table where the cake was and thereafter went around talking to pple...

And then came the time to pack up soon and we were all leaving eric's place when i suddenly realised that my retainers were gone. I hurried back to the house and i just could not find it. It was at that moment that i realised that someone might have thrown it away. Angeline came back in and she said that she might have thrown it together with the cake boxes and the other pieces of tissue paper.

Gosh!! It costs like $200? But strangely, throughout the whole ordeal, not once did i ever blame her and i let her know that right from the start. And what made it all the more dramatic was during the bible study and sharing session, we talked about our fears and some ways in which they can be overcome and i shared with them the principle that has anchored me in recent weeks which is :

1) God loves me
2) God is in control
3) God will provide

And throughout this whole ordeal, i kept repeating that to myself in my mind and i'm glad that i was not as gan chiong as i used to be. We contacted the security guard (he was living in a condo), and he brought down a set of keys, all the while preparing us for keys not working since the cleaner sometimes takes home the key. So we went to the rubbish chute 1 and while trying to open the lock, we heard something loud, falling down the chute. And when i say loud, it was really loud, making lots of clanging noises along the way before falling with a loud "THUMP!" And you should have seen my face, starting to grow abit white...

The keys could not open the lock. And to our stunning revelation, there were a few other chutes and thank God, we realised that the chute belonging to eric's place was not the first chute. However, the keys still could not open and all the while i was still reminding myself that God is on his throne.

Wierdly, i did not even question why it happened, but i knew that it happened for a reason and probably there was a lesson to learn from that. After some exchanges between the security guards via the walkie talkie, they found another bunch of keys and i personally went to collect it.

And along the way, i prayed and asked God to help me again. And the keys worked! So we opened chute number 4, but alas, we couldn't find the pink plastic bag. So all our hopes rested on chute number 3 now. We opened it and i saw the pink plastic bag and while eric helped me by rummaging through that plastic bag, i went to probe around in the big bin and i saw the tissue that i threw down earlier..heh heh just a side info. ha

And eric found my retainers!! If i wasn't all stinky and disgusting then, i would have raised my retainers above my head and celebrated there and then but common sense prevailed and i immediately cleaned my retainers before going off to wash my hands. As of now, i'm still disinfecting my retainers with warm salt water last night, and anti-bacteria mouthwash this morning. Thank God for no vomit, dog poo and whatever other disgusting things pple throw down the chute.

Just so thankful for the people there lar. My cell group members. Some of them lar, the rest left abit earlier before i realised my retainers were gone. And jessica and maybel were so evil!! Just laughing and laughing throughout man! Wah unbelievable! And yet at the end, i still felt the tremendous peace, knowing that God is in control of everything. Even if my retainers were to be crushed and i had to make new ones, God is still in control and there must be a reason why he allowed it to happen.

Great day, great night. What more can i ask for?

And still a very exciting happened today!! The package from NUS finally arrived and i will be starting school on the 6 August!! So excited and yet nervous. What is it going to be like, the anxiety is killing me and yet i kill lament the lack of time till school starts. So many many books to read and so many things to do! Oh well, i just have to learn how to manage my time better and not spend 2 hours in my morning back in dreamland.

Last friday i decided to take time out from my schedule and head down to east coast park in the morning to pray and to seek God. And the experience was tremendous. I had a few concerns regarding my cell group and small group as a whole and i felt that i needed to seek God for some answers. It was quite irritating because just as i was starting to be still and just pray in a nice quiet pavilion on my own, an old couple entered and somehow they were talking quite loudly and were quite distracting and while i did not hold any grudges against them, i felt that i needed to leave in order to concentrate.

So i left for another pavilion and this time i had a wonderful time, just sitting there, reading the bible, listening to God speaking on how to go about a sharing for Monday's cg, just praying and enjoying the time spent talking to him. But suddenly, a group of men, also came into the pavilion and started to talk very loudly in hokkien and used many expletives and try as i might, i can't shut off the voices man. They were talking to loudly and i dun wanna mention the exact details of what they say...

Just that whatever they say is not that good. Something about "itch", "cream", "wash with seawater", "i also experienced it before" and for those who know, well you know lar. And this time, i left the pavilion with abit of a grudging attitude, but i went to my car and got my guitar out and started to sing and play to god. It's just so enjoyable, sitting by the seaside and just singing to no one but god. I'm tone deaf, but i'm sure god wouldn't mind! Hahaha!

And as i was singing the song "I have loved you", i suddenly felt that god was telling me that he loved those men too. Those men that i find so difficult to love and to accept, he also loves them. And so i started to sing god's love over them, and to pray for them while singing also and there's just this strange new feeling in my heart, a new peace, the exact same feeling when i align my will with god's and i just continued to sing the songs to him. A great time.

And thereafter, spent time cycling with zixu. That guy is incorrigible, actually turned up 2 hours late but was nice to treat me to sugar cane so i'm fine. In fact i was having such a good time with God that i did not blame him for being late at all. He was just nice, on time when i ended my meeting with god that day. We talked and discuss about God and it's quite interesting some things he said. And i know that i would never ever be able to convince him but i'm still glad we talked because it's interesting to hear his point of views. Very interesting!

Sat afternoon was spent with CG at the mind's cafe and though it was a small group, Eric, Maybel, Felicia, and Wendy, it was really fun man. Brainless fun some of the games and i realised that eric has faster than usual reaction! Thank God for the fun time we had man! Alright super long entry and i hope i'll be able to post some pictures in future!!

2007-05-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

The past 2 weeks have been absolutely phenomenal man! The month before this 2 weeks have been a month of suffering. There was a lot of pain and darkness in my heart and try as i could, i couldn't deal with it and was just coasting through life, trying to persevere through the pain and i'm glad that there are people there who stood unwavering by me, just listening to me. Yup that's all i needed at that time, because i knew what i had to do just that i couldn't do it.

I wanted to continue to wrestle with God, to fight with him. He was speaking to me about something in my life, and i just did not want him to cut it away. But i knew in my mind that it had to be done and it must be done. So began the titanic struggle between my mind and my heart. And of course between God's will and my own. While the battle was taking place, the sickening darkness in my heart was growing, just like the black suit on spiderman, threatening to engulf me fully.

Thankfully, God brought this book into my life, called Ordering your Private World. Actually i had this book since 2005, just that i had so many books that i didn't really read it. And somehow through the promptings of my CGL and through my heart, i knew i just had to start reading that book first among others. And true enough, i gained timeless truth and wonderful insights into my own character and my walk with God.

And from then on, i just surrendered and gave up and was wonderfully restored. So great to not be fighting with God, and finally i grew up and understood more about myself and about God. It's indescribable.

Oh and to the people out there who think we only read bible, pray, worship on sunday only, you're wrong! That's why people always say christianity is not a religion. It's a life. A life as a disciple to the Master teacher Jesus. Reading bible, praying should be part of what a christian does daily. Maybe you guys think that christianity is a weakling religion, forever praying. But praying is not just we talking to god, but god also speaking to us and it's like a conversation. Abit out of this world and hard to explain but there's this relationship that's so special.

I'm so glad man. So happy. Excited again.

2007-04-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

I was on the road to recovery when suddenly i was hit with a bout of weakness yesterday. It came when i woke up in the morning, i could feel a super duper painful headache that i'd not felt in years. It's those where when i make a sudden movement, a side of my head would throb and i would have to close my eyes to absorb that pain.

What's worse, my whole body felt weak and as the day wore on, it's apparent that i was feeling weaker and weaker. My body seemed to have developed a new found extreme sensitivity to movement and every movement i make will cause all my muscles to tingle inside. And not to mention my bones and my joints, aching...

Very soon, fever started to set in and by that time i was so weak that i was reduced to lying on my bed. But i couldn't sleep because i've been drinking so much water that i've to visit the loo every 15min. I suspected either dengue or flu, becuase most of the symptoms matched these 2. For dengue the symptoms that havne't appear was the rashes and for flu, it was the runny nose, sore throat, phlegm etc.

Anyway i was quite worried that it'd be dengue because on tuesday, i remember being bitten by a mosquito and the timing of the onset of symptoms matched those that i'd researched. A visit to the doctor that night led to no conclusions and all he gave me was paracetamol to control the fever and pain, and told me that if i still have fever on monday, i would have to go back to the clinic and take a blood test to see if it's dengue, since it was too early to take a blood test then.

And of course this morning, i felt very much better, maybe under the influence of paracetamol, but much to my dismay, when i woke up, there was a slight rash near my tummy which for some strange reason hasn't disappeared even though i'd taken extra precautions not to scratch it. Anyway, i've decided to battle whatever i'm going to face and i'm gonna down many many cups of fluids and water everyday man.

Oh, and the joint pain is really no joke. I really can understand the pain that old people go through now. The pain is really so incredible that i cannot describe it, except that it feels like somebody has somehow managed to use a hammer to hit my bones directly. It's a pain that comes from the inside out and it feels very sharp, it's like eating ice cream with sensitive teeth. And it lasted for about 30 seconds and left me gasping in shock and in pain.

Wow..it's a new experience and pain man. I wonder how people with cancer feel. Surely their agony is 10 or maybe 100 times worse, given the radiotherapy they have to go through and the abnormal swelling of the tumors. Wow...such pain, i didn't know could ever exist.

post op...

2007-04-24T04:18:00.000-07:00

Wow...finally had the energy to come here and blog about my operation. My goodness, was in pretty bad shape yesterday man. Operation was supposed to start at about 12+, but in the end because there was 2 more patients in front of me so, i had to wait till 2+ before i was called into the room.

The anaethetist was there, talking to me asking me what i was going to study etc, and all the while, she was injecting local anesthetic into my left wrist, so that she can put a needle sorta thing there, which was later used to supply the General Anaestetic. Awhile after inserting the needle thing, they put on a gas mask and asked me to breathe deeply and suddenly the anaethetist said that she was going to put me to sleep then.

Trust me i was so excited, and all the while i can feel some liquid being poured into my left hand via the needle in my wrist...

There was a sort of heaviness in my head and i continued takin in the deep breaths and i was fighting and fighting.

I don't wanna close my eyes...

Take a deep breath...now tt's good...

I wanna say something *tries to open mouth*

Another deep breath now..

*My eyes are shutting* Ouch my head so hurts, stop fighting...my head is exploding in pain and i wanna say something!!! *my eyes shut* but i can still hear the voices around me..

1 more deep breath now....that's the way, just one more deep breath...

Lost consciousness...

When i woke up, i was already lying back on my bed, in the recovery room and my eyes are squinting, slowly taking in the surroundings and there was a nurse talking to me. A while later, the surgeon came and told me about my medication...and i can listen but can't really respond. I kept opening and closing...so tired...

And there i lay for awhile before being wheeled out. And i lay there for about 2 hours, with the duty dentist trying to suppress the bleeding for me. They gave me ribena...but i was still bleeding..

At about 7pm, i was given the all clear to go home, mym mum drove me home and i was being to feel more alert, but still was bleeding...

Lay down on the couch, for about 3 hours, thinking about my birthday party. Can't sleep, spent too much time resting that day.

Took my medicine, but forced to lie down on the couch, cannot move anywhere on my own...soon it's 24 hours since my last meal...

Woke up at about 3am, to change the gauze that i was biting on...wet with blood...and i was still awake...and zixu tt bum had to sms me at 4.50am...

In the morning...i was still bleeding...but heck, took out the gauze and decided not to bite it anymore. Read harry potter for 7 hours straight...and now it's night...close to 44 hours since i had my last meal...

And my face was so swollen i can't believe it...i can't even open my mouth properly, or talk properly...pathetic...

parties and operation

2007-04-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

Finally, the eve of my operation. Currently i'm 15min away from my "fast", and 12 hours away from my operation. It'll be a good 2 hours plus nap from the General Anaesthetic. So friends, if i do not reply to your well-meaning sms-es, do forgive me ok? I might be too groggy or in too much pain.

Alright, enough about the crazy op. Here's the pictures from the 2 parties i attended recently. Zhenjie's "obiang" themed party

Class photo

Melisa and I...I'm the obiang king!

Melisa's sch uniform party

Melisa(red tie) with class
Jas zixu weeboon and i...haha quite unglam for zixu
Melisa with class and cake..

Jas me and zixu...

2007-03-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

Hmm...i'm really happy...just reading some random posts from my friend's blog, and my friend's friend's blog etcetcetc and i realised that really God is on the move! Everyone is beginning to experience this sense of intimacy and just growing so extraordinary and this just encouraged me more and humbled me more because i get reminded that i'm not the only one that's receiving so much!

So so so so happy and encouraged man, to see all these Godly people. Well, i believe there's a difference between a godly life and a religious life and it's the godly life which i saw, beyond the facade. Really would like to get to know them better and discuss my favourite topic...God..really nowadays i can just ramble on and on for hours it's so interesting man!

Hehe...

2007-03-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

hey!! haha everyone u all have less than a month to ask me out! 3 weeks actually so better plan your schedules well ok?? I have limited time ar...

On the 23/4, i'll be going for an operation to remove 4 wisdom teeth, as well as harvest some bone from my cheek to place it in the gums of my missing tooth, to prepare for the implant. This is called wisdom tooth and bone graft operation combined. And i will be going under GA, General Anaesthetic, which means i'll be sleeping throughout because of all the operation. By right, it's supposed to be 3 separate operations...

so well...yup!

story

2007-03-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

A story that i read in an email.

There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak..."I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?" "Just some old birds," came the reply.

"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.

"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time" "But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?"

"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."

The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?"

"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!"

"How much?" the pastor asked again.

The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, "$10?"

The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone.

The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free.

Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.

One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"

"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.

Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"

"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked. "Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly. "How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked

"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"

"How much?" He asked again.

Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."

Jesus said, "DONE!"

Then He paid the price.

The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the pulpit.

Ignited

2007-03-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

Nothing can really ignite me to the point of boundless energy except talking about God! So glad that fiona called, from Atlanta, and i hope my hp bill wun explode at the end of the month! We talked for 2 hours man! Crazy crazy at 12am singapore time! We talked about alot of things, and i am guilty for talking like 3/4 the time. I shared with her all the great things that has been happening recently and the things that God has been doing in my life!

Seriously, nothing, relaly nothing can ignite me to such a point, that everytime i talk about God, my heart just continues to burn. It's a very exciting feeling and the excitement is just building up inside me, waiting to explode any moment! Whoever says that being a christian is boring man??

But a pity, that i'm too timid to talk to my other friends about God. Such a pity that i can't talk about the topic that i'm most passionate about. I really really desire to share the and be a witness to this exciting life!

A special autograph book from my primary school days....

2007-02-28T21:01:00.000-08:00

It's been a good few months since i last updated and i'm just too lazy to write anything in here. Anyway, my new bookshelf has arrived!! The amount of books i have is quite atrocious actually, but i can't help it la, in fact i still spend about $100 a month of books man! The worst thing is less than half of my books are read. So as i was looking through all my books, i chanced upon my autograph book, way back from my primary school days.

It's a book where my primary school classmates would write their name, add, telephone number, dob etcetc and the most interesting parts were actually the friends section and the notes to me.

I realised that in primary school, we still have this ranking system like:
"Best friend, 2nd best friend, 3rd best friend" or
"True Friends (100%), Best Friends (99%), Good Friends (98%), Below 97%, Hates"
Now that i look back, a little childish but yet has that bit of childlikeness man! Ok here's an interesting one. Way back in P5, most of the girls in my class hated this guy called Jo lim. And this is what 1 entry looked like in the ranking, displaying potential of a PhD in mathamatics

"......
30% : all gays and lesbians in class
20% : JO - JO = No JO & Not JO
10% : JO X JO = JJOO/JO
= JO + JO
= JOJO - JO
= JO - JO
= No JO & Not JO
1% : NOW I PRESENTS = No JO & Not JO! PIGGY JO!!!"

Ok this is really quite bad and evil but i do hope her grammar has improved! (look under 1%)

Now for the notes, i guess i was really really naughty and cheeky back then, with my "monster laughter" and now i present to you the notes (in the original form, which includes spelling errors)

Guy 1: Dear Nicholas, though you are a bit cheeky, I find you a very great friend, I thank you for letting me write in your diary but even more for regarding me as your 3rd best friend. Me too...but i guess we didn't keep contact in secondary school...

Guy 2: I don't think you are as nauthty as some people say you are. I hope you will have sore marks in your test! I tynk what you meant was for me to score marks? It's ok..hope your english has improved!

Guy 3: Nicholas, I wonder why you can laugh so much sometimes at things which I don't think is funny at all. But i wish that there is a place called, "Land of Laughter" and the people in the Land of Laughter will choose you to be their king because you laugh so much. The king of the Land of laughter! What an honour!

Guy 4: Nicholas, although I really can't stand the way you laught, I find that you are a considerate, kind and helpful person. I must amit you do bring sunshine to everyone in class. Well, that's all I have to say. May you pass your test with flying colours. It's been years since we last met, and i also hope that your english has improved!

Girl 1: Nicholas, although I can never stand the way you laugh, I've to admit you boys always keep the audience awake and amused. I don't really mind you but i'm warning you...DO NOT BULLY ANY MORE GIRLS! Wah..i didn't know i used to bully girls..somehow that part of my memory seemed to have disappeared...

Girl 2: Nicholas, you are a very naughty boy but have an extreme sense of humor. Do not become an Ah-Beng (Advice from girls of 5I). You may not be my good friends but I wish you all the best in whatever you do. Pass your exams too. And always remember your friends. I guess i did not manage to achieve the last part, it's been years since i met all of you...9 years? But i'm not an ah beng! So take heart!

Girl 3: Nicholas, you are very cheeky, naughty & full of mad laughter. But I do not treat you as an enemy but a 20% friend. Anyway, pass your exams with flying colours. So...what's the difference between an enemy and a 20% friend? 20%.

Girl 4: Nicholas, well, you are cheeky (quite) like what others say. Actually, you are funny & have a so-called "monster-laughter" wherever you go. We are friends, of course not very good friends. I really have enough of this! But anyway, I found out that you are a good soul when you phoned to inform me of the composition class on saturday. And i really can't write anymore because i want you to turn to the next page....Well, at least you are appreciative of my efforts!

Guy 5: Dear Nicholas, I known you for quite some time already. i think you are cute, humurous and talkative. I wish you the best in whatever you do. Oh man...why did it have to a guy saying this?! Cute? Argh!! Get away from me!!

Girl 5: Thanx for letting me write in your diary! I find you a cheeky, playful and (all the 'ful's)...So work hard and strive for the best! Thanks and good luck to you in Australia...

Guy 6: Dear Nicholas, if you have time, let's fight. If not, then let's talk about magic. Actually, I find you a great friend. I find you a great friend too, soccer khaki over the years, through secondary school and jc. It's a pity we seldom meet now. Good luck for sispec!

Girl 6: Nicholas, do you know that you are very annoying and irritating? Your laughter is extremely horrible too! But, all the best for the exams. "Kick the table, Kick the chair, Kick annoying Nicholas down the stairs." Wow...fantastically vicious man...what did i do to offend you?! But this is a classic because you even took time to write a "poem" for me...hahaha

Girl 7: Nicholas, I do not know what possessed me to write in your diary, but thanks anyway, Lucky I am not the first girl to write in here. Anyway, you are short, fat, no brain-headed person, but unfortunately, you have a good sense of humor. Actually, you are very irritating. Anyhow, may the good Lord bless you!!!!!! **Luv, blahblah
** -> Go and die
-> I want to vomit
-> I'd rather kiss a snake
This has got to be the note of the millenium. Absolutely brilliant! Able to have a balance at such a tender young age! Suited to be in debate and have great GP grades man! Short? Fat? No brain-headed person?? Hahaha and UNFORTUNATELY i have a good sense of humor?? Why issit unfortunate?? Haha and then ending it with may the Lord bless me!! hahaha interesting! Well, the Lord indeed has blessed me and i'd really really like to meet you again..too bad, no smell no hear for 9 years! Another fantastic part was how you still put "LUV" and then added a footnote...fantastic..i can see you writing good papers in future!

Wow...i really didn't know i was that cheeky and naughty man! Reading all this just floods my memory with what little memory i have left of my primary school days. I guess, primary school isn't the place that impacted me the most, but nonetheless, I'd still like to meet up with each and every one of you, my classmates, and look back and laugh. I really do not understand how some people around me still have primary school class outings, but us...abit sad...

Interesting

2007-01-13T21:58:00.000-08:00

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rd anieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

------------
I got this from an email and i just found it to be rather interesting!

Anyway i was just thinking of humility that day. The moment someone thinks that he is humble, he is actually not humble anymore. He's actually "proud" that he is humble. ha

The Blur infection

2007-01-09T02:13:00.000-08:00

Blur Blur Blur!!!! Can't find any better word to describe the 2 significant events which happened yesterday and today.

I was late again, in meeting tony to go for our friend's karen's wedding. Was supposed to meet him at 6.45pm at a bus stop but somehow i only left home at 6.45pm, hurriedly slipped on my shoes and drove out, all the while noting the petrol meter hovering near empty. Not wanting to face the scenario of pushing the car along orchard, i went to a nearby kiosk to pump and i was just feeling all comfortable...when...wait a minute...

I dun remember that i was supposed to feel comfortable in the pair of leather shoes borrowed from my dad!! I looked down, and true to my gut feel, i was in my pair of outing shoes, which i've so faithfully and comfortably slipped on in these past few days of worklessness. So i zipped all the way home, changed my shoes and i think i must looked quite comical coz my mum's friend actually laughed at me. Sigh...

Karen's wedding was not bad and table attendance was like only 8 and so for once in a banquet, i actually felt extremely full at the end of it all. The only thing lacking in the wedding was the lack of more boistorous friends, friends who do not mind making a fool of themselves to make your day, as it was evident in the traditional yum sing where most of the noise came from stage! Sad right? Just makes me want to include those artificial yum sing sound with digital dolby 3D surround sound for my own wedding in future man!

And the 2nd stage of the blur infection happened today. While waiting for my mum to do her physiotherapy, i had my mind on registering my referral letter for a visit to the podiatrist, even though my appointment was supposed to be on the 30 Jan. Just wanted to double check that my appointment was keyed in.

I passed the letter to the lady and she checked for me and she actually couldn't find the records! I was a little bit stunned too, and in a little bit of frustration,

I asked her, "How can such a thing happened? I called the lady and she gave me that appointment and i even asked her if this letter was valid for 6 months!"

The receptionist was at a loss and she said she would get her colleague to check and after 5min, her colleague called me to make another appointment since they couldn't find any fixed appointment for me. And again, i repeated what i said to this other receptionist.

And she was puzzled and asked me which number i called. I looked for it frantically on that referral letter and pointed it out to her. She exclaimed that that wasn't the number for their hospital!

At that point, i was visibly shaken and going into a state of shock soon. Immediately, my eye zoomed in on the name of the hospital and i saw..."TAN TOCK SENG HOSPITAL". A humongous "OOPS!" was uttered in my thoughts and just at that moment, the receptionist decided to give that number a call...

To save myself from further embarrassment, i gamely admitted that i made a mistake and made a hurried exit from that place....

Blur Blur Blur!! I've never been so blur in my life!! Must have been going out too often with my friends liao...hahahahahaha joking!

all right, all enjoy yourselves

2007-01-07T19:21:00.000-08:00

This morning, i failed to wake up at dawn to do my qt!! argh, but there's always tml. But as a result of waking up late, my youngest sister was late, and my 2nd sister was also latE! A chain of events man. Oh well, tml tml tml is a new day!

And i was stuck in rush hour for super long just to go for my physio appointment when i realised that i totally cannot make it already. the physio there is real strict, late and she will not see you. So rather than waste my time going there pleading with her, i just stopped at a carpark, and made another appointment another time. See? Consequences of just waking up late.

So i decided to just stay at the carpark lot and read my book, while waiting for rush hour to pass. No point squeezing, stopping and going, and just inching forward. Waste of time. So out whipped the book Cinderella Man!

I remember watching this movie with zixu and jas last year at marina square. It was real early then and there was nobody at the shopping centre. The theatre was barely 10% filled too, but we enjoyed the show. It was a true story btw.

It was set in early 1930, during the time of the great depression. James J. Braddock was an up and coming boxer, winning many fights and invested in stocks and shares until the market came crashing down. He lost almost everything, and he even lost his ability to fight. He was out of job, poor, had 3 kids and a wife, had trouble paying for electricity, and sometimes even having to starve himself.

He tried to continue fighting, but kept losing and even broke the bones in his right hand, the only good hand he has in boxing and eventually, his license as a boxer was revoked. Desperate, he had to find work at the shipyard. He was lucky he got picked along with 8 others out of 50 and went on to work. With only his weak left hand, he struggled to hide his disability and managed to get by in the few months.

One day, his manager and good friend managed to offer him a boxing match, in which he was supposed to be fodder for his opponent. But surprisingly, he knocked his opponent out in 3 rounds, and his opponent was supposed to be 1 of the heavyweight championship contenders! And more remarkably, his left hand was super strong.

This way, he went on to continue defeating his more illustrious opponents and eventually being the no. 1 contender. Now, the champion, Max Baer was a brute. He grew up in a slaughterhouse, which is where he got his sledgehammar-like right fist. 2 opponents have died when being hit by it, having their brains smashed inside.

By now, Braddock was dubbed Cinderella Man, giong against the odds to fight back, and yet his wife, was so fearful of his life after learning of Baer and told him she wasn't behind him, when all along, he has fought, with his wife in mind. The following is an excerpt from the book where his wife Mae wanted to pray for him, before the final fight:

Mae walked alone for a long time through the deserted streets of Neward. The shadows stretched until they darkened the streets. All was quiet until she came to Father Rorick's church.

Though no regular service was scheduled for this hour, people were streaming through the open doors. Inside the lights were bright. Mae wondered as she crossed the courtyard if a funeral or even a wedding was in progress. Then Mae spied Father Rorick at the door and approached him.

"Father?" she asked, puzzled. peering around him, Mae saw that the church was full to brimming, with people lining up in the aisles as well.

"Hello, Mae," said Father Rorick.

"I came to pray for Jim."

"You too?" said the priest. he stepped back, directing her gaze to the church's interior. "So have they."

Mae blinked, surveyed the full pews, the people in worn clothes praying on their knees in the aisle, and shook her head.

"I don't -" Her voice faded as realisation dawned.

"Maybe sometimes people need to see someone do it so they can do it themselves," said Father Rorick. "They think Jim's fighting for them."

Mae looked over the crowd again. She saw men from the docks, vagrants from the street, women and children who'd been abandoned - all of them thrown aside by the world, challenged to summon enough fight inside themselves to keep going. They looked up to her husband, Mae realised, all of them. Jim Braddock had become their example...if he could fight and win, maybe they could too...

"Yes," Mae whispered. "I understand now,"

Mae turned, hurried into the street. As her heels clicked down the sidewalk, she noticed knots of men and women gathering in doorways, outside of shops. Through open windows and doors radios blared. They were all tuned to the same station - the announcer excitedly teasing the title fight about to begin.

The same thing was happening at Quincy's bar, in Sam's butcher shop, at the docks, the rail yards, the coal shuttles - even the Newark relief office. Anywhere there was a radio, a crowd of hungry, eager people crowded around to listen.

-----------

This part brought me to tears, because it was in this part that Mae realised that her husband was no longer fighting for dignity, or fighting for himself, his pride, but that he's fighting for all the people in america who has lost hope, hoping that he would triumphed against the odds and be their inspiration to do so too. Mae's realisation culminated in her going all the way to the boxing ring's changing room where she met her husband.

----------

Jim rose, caught her up in his powerful arms. They kissed and kissed again. mae's words flowed in a torrent. "I don't know what i was saying, i'm always behind you jimmy, with you and inside you and in love with you. So you just...just you remember who you really are. "

"Who's that?"

"You're the Bulldog of Gergen," she said, smiling through her tears. "The pride of New Jersey. You're everybody's hope and your kids' hero and you're the champion of my heart, James J. Braddock."

---------

Superb story.

2007-01-07T06:48:00.000-08:00

To obey God seems like an easy solution, but is it really that easy? Full obediance requires full submission unto His will. I'm glad today i obeyed Him, and stepped out of my comfort zone. So happy for Him to wrestle with me in my heart daily, but never forcing me to make a choice. Such a great God.

Blood Diamond

2007-01-04T04:55:00.000-08:00

I thought that this show was fantastic. Diamonds found in the country of Sierra Leone used to fund the ongoing civil war. Simple story, but the aspect on civil war hit me pretty badly. There were scenes of rebels exterminating villages, killing everyone in sight and there was a commander who said something pretty ironic. The scene was set in the mining fields where he told one of the captives, who were forced to mine diamonds for them.

Commander : Long live the RUF (the rebel organisation)! We are going to help the people of Africa, we're giving freedom back to the people, over here, there's no such thing as master or slave.

Such an ironic statement, given that they're forcing their captives (male strong villages) to mine diamonds for them. And this other commander chop off arms of villages so that they cannot vote during the elections. Freedom.

What struck me hard was also the fact that children were being brainwashed to kill. At first they were scared, but after awhile, even children have become de-sensitised to the killing and actually enjoy it. Civil war is not really over is it?

Over at dear iraq, the civil war between the sunnis and shi'ites are ongoing everyday. Palestine is also threatening to have one with the Hamas and Fatah fighting each one. And the strange thing was when "supposed" government soldiers coming in, they also ended up killing so many people even innocents and some of them even have ulterior motives.

So it's all about killing, can anything really stop the civil war? Can these countries ever get out of poverty? Seeing all the people in the refugee camps really really shocked me. I guess sometimes, i'm so caught up with life and myself that i forget that so many people out there are suffering. Compared to singaporeans who are poor, i think the people in those countries are infinitely times worse off. And to think people still commit suicide in singapore out of supposed poverty.

2006-12-31T21:55:00.000-08:00

It's the new year and i glad i started it on the right foot with God once again this year. I went to church at 6am for the dawn prayer that would last a week. This is going to be a strong test for me..waking up sooooo early! I remember that i also came for the dawn prayer on 1Jan 2006, in the midst of my backsliding and not going to church. So glad that 1 year later, i feel more intimate with God already.

Today Ps edmund spoke from Ecclesiastes 7:8-10. And in it wrote about the need to not only start well, but to end well too. To surrender the haughty and proud spirit and be meek and humble. And of course to be patient instead of being impatient all the time and to be slow to anger. Such wise words. I believe that i really need to submit to God in this area. Pride, anger, impatience.

One of such manifestations is on the road. I am really really prone to road rage. If there's 2 areas in my life which always never fails to irritate me, this is 1 of them. The other is fetching my sister at late timings whem i'm tired.

I remember this once, i was turning out from my house and i saw a taxi more than 100m away. I naturally turned out but this taxi was speeding like mad and catched up with me in no time and he actually flashed the lights at me. I saw that he was trying to go to the right to overtake me and i retaliated. I immediately tried to switch to the right lane too but luckily i didn't manage to because the front of the taxi was in line with my rear and it would have resulted in an accident. So after the taxi has overtaken me and switched back to my lane, i honked him repeatedly.

And all this while, God was wrestling with me and telling me to stop it. And i actually ignored it and do it my way. After that naturally i felt guilty lar. That's just 1 of many incidents that has happened this year. So my 1 new year resolution for the year 2007 is to follow God with all of my heart, soul, strength and mind. Even to the level of humbling myself before him, and not doing it my way, i'll do it. And i hope that next year, as i choose to follow him more and mine less, i hope that there'll be fewer cases of me retaliating in anger.

Anyway, yesterday was Ms Tammie Ho's farewell. She is going to the UK to study and so will relinquish control of the nj soccer team. This is a woman, who has managed to command fear, awe and respect from me. There was an incident, during the malacca trip in 2004 march holidays. I bought some vcds from malaysia, and they were originals. When ms ho found out, she screamed and screamed and screamed at me non-stop. And i found it ridiculous at that time, after all they were originals. However, after a few months and more maturity, i realised that what she did was right.

In singapore, vcds and media not cleared by the media and censorship authority of singapore is deemed illegal. Not only was she a very dedicated soccer teacher-in-charge, she also made herself responsible for everyone's moral and character development. And for that i respect her. She looks different from the past and i'm just glad that after 2 years, we've met again. Our team of 03/04 presented her with a photo, the only photo of the team in malacca! She was very happy. Like i always believe, though the developing cost is cheap, and the acrylic frame is not very expensive, yet the memories it can bring to 1 is priceless.

Next up, weibin's 21st birthday celebration! I reached there the latest and the whole place was bustling with activity! Such an interesting sight to see all the relatives, friends, classmates, army friends all coming together to celebrate weibin's birthday! I made him a....*drumrolls* collage! hahaha and i'm glad that he relaly liked it. I guess while the idea of a collage may sound boring and overused my me, given that it's the 4th or 5th that i've done, i guess for different people receiving it, it has different meanings.

And yea, just like the nj soccer team, they were shocked at the number of photos that they've not seen nor received! Haha all are with me...sigh..And weibin is such a wonderful host to everyone! Can really tell that he was enjoying himself running about, serving and greeting people. His family is really really uber family-oriented. Cousins of more than 10 years age gap playing together like children and i really really really envy that scenario.

I'm seriously a wierd person. I can't seem to bring out the playful and child-like side of me whenever i'm with my family. I'm just like an aloof, older brother, just keeping to himself and just doing his own stuff even though my sisters many times tried to involve me like playing cards etc but i just can't do it. And it really pains me, this inertia. Some of you may know that i'm interested in working with children, in orphanages or in children's home and if i can't even be the fun loving self, how to play with the kids?

Well, just glad to usher in the new year! haha have fun everybody!

2006-12-29T20:56:00.000-08:00

It's me again! 2nd post in the same day. Just wanted to blog about my experience, at the town centre. Hmmm, i guess i've been sleepwalking most of my life and sometimes i do not take my thoughts seriously. As i journeyed to this town centre which i frequent for my meals, i suddenly felt so blown over by all the festivities!

It's not even new year, yet vendors were already touting those new year "chun lians", those hang-ups with blessings and there was just so many many many people. "Offer! Offer! Offer!" was all i could hear in the bustling crowd. But as i looked around, most of the people belonged to the 2nd generation. The stall owners also belonged to the 2nd generation. How long more would town centres last?

We who belong to the addidas and nike generation, would we actually get shoes sold in these places? We who belong to the zara, topshop and guess generation, would we buy our clothings from those shops in the town centre? I guess in the near future, there will be more vanishing trades. There will be no more neighbourhood cluster shops, because there just will not be much demand.

And those shops at old shopping centres like beauty world plaza and bukit timah shopping centre, there is hardly anyone walking around. Compare that to places like bukit panjang plaza, how can these shopping centres survive?

Well, 1 thing to be happy about though is to see hokkien speaking, heavily tattoo-ed men working in cai fan stalls and fruit stalls. At least these people who once roamed the streets aimlessly are beginning to find work, instead of just lazing down at home and being a burden to their families.

ok haha nonsense post..haha

busy and tired

2006-12-29T09:38:00.000-08:00

This has really been an uber busy and tired few days which all started before christmas. Every night i was busy, and then meeting up with fiona, before she leaves for a 6 month study in Atlanta.

And for once, i got down to make another present for a friend. This is the 2nd miracle of the year. The first miracle was me making a present for the class christmas gift exchange. I also do not know what's gone into me but I have been making collages though the designs are all about the same. Tiring though! Have been sleeping at like 2+ every night and then waking up at 7+ to work. And work's been equally if not more tiring.

And not to mention that my mum's birthday was yesterday and i also had to rush out her gift. Wow man..can u imagine how busy and tiring it was? And yesterday, had to celebrate my mum's bday through a dinner and then go to send fiona off at the airport! Initially, i thought that it was all a prank, and i still had some hope that somehow you guys can turn up.

Well, my guess was wrong and i was a little disappointed at first. I guess it's expectations vs reality. And i was a little angry and disappointed with myself too. So many what ifs floated around all the time, and i found it hard to forgive myself initially. But after awhile, i guess some things do happen la, and it might not necessarily be my fault.

But well, i passed her her gift and i tynk she was touched, because as her friend of 8 years, i've not been someone who gives gifts. Worse, sometimes i even give nonsense, takes the sincerity off the giving. I remember giving her a cancer zodiac thing when she was a geminian when i was in sec3. And in sec2, i think i gave her some buddhist figurine when she was a christian. She always never fails to remind me of all these lar!

She should have reached US by now, and US is 12 hours behind us, meaning it's about 2pm 29/12/06 now. So somehow, her journey to US is like flying against time. Cool man. She gets an extra 1/2 day!

I've also been rather short-tempered recently i think, and have snapped more easily than before. But what amazed me was the event that happened tonight. I just came home from cg, tired after going back to work today, and from all the late nights, and my second sister as usual called me to pick her up. It was around 11pm at night. I was furious. And she also wanted me to send her friend home.

I'm so tired and yet i had to do it? But thinking that my mum will not sleep till she gets back, i grudgingly obliged. My mum has a constant worry for us especially when we come back late. So i was just very very angry in my mind, but somehow i guess God led me to remember of the times i scolded my sister in the car and it got all messed up with me feeling more guilty than ever, and with my sister coming home even later than before.

I knew it was my sore spot, i knew that i would surely blow up and i prayed and ask God to help me be less angry, while driving there. I also kept asking myself, what would jesus do? And then i realised that God will never ever blame you no matter how late you are, as long as you still turn up. And I was glad that God turned up, because this time, i actually said hi to both of them and smiled, and i meant it. I meant it with all my heart when i said Hi and when i smiled, nothing fake about it. And i actually talked nicely to my sister, asking her about her tournament yesterday etc.

It's a journey of faith. Sometimes it's so easy to just vent your anger, the feeling is shiok temporarily, but the scar in both persons is permanent. A little hurt everytime can be a huge hurt. It's funny how God knew I'd be angry everytime i have to send her home so late, and having to fetch her friend home, and yet i kept on having such requests. I'm just glad i decided to do it God's way, instead of my own way. Thank God that i did not hurt my sister with my words and body language tonight...

2006-12-25T09:46:00.000-08:00

The Christmas season is almost over, and i am just so thankful for this wonderful season. On the 23 Dec, my sister actually accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior during a youth rock concert which my cousins invited us to. The moment i knew she accepted Christ, i started praying for her in my heart, thanking God.

You know how i said that God's timing is perfect? It really is and is still is, and forever will be. Somehow, i went to this SKS bookstore, an incredibly huge bookstore selling Christian books. And i went there for the sole purpose of buying a bible for my sister. This happened about 1 month ago, and i planned to give this bible to my sister as a Christmas present, regardles of whether she accepted Christ or not.

Then about 1-2 weeks later, my aunt invited us to her church's youth concert, in which my cousin was performing. And my sister was quite enthusiastic about it. At 1 point, i was really tired with 3 appointments that day that i really felt like not going. Then i got reminded by God of my promise to bring my sister to that concert made weeks ago, and i just trusted him completely.

And on that day, my prayers were answered. Naturally, i was late in meeting my class peeps for the christmas party and i really am sorry for it. But nothing comes close to the salvation of a loved one. Nothing. Now i'm just praying to find a good mentor for my sister, someone who can lead her and guide her in this new and exciting journey.

When i went for the class christmas party, it was already ending, and i still had to wrap the presents i got for jas and zixu. Felt so bad that i had to use zixu's wrapping paper to wrap the present that i'm giving him...hahaha, but funny nonetheless! We had our gift exchange and this is a nice picture.

Earlier in the day, i met up with fiona, agnes and norman and it was supposed to be the farewell for our dear fiona (fifi) who is going to be studying in the states for 6 months. We basically watched a movie, ate pepper lunch and helped agnes hunt for a pair of nice green shoes. It was nice to just spend time with them again. Seldom do we spend time together and norman just posed me a challenge man. He is planning an outing on wed, to go to partyworld ktv, and i really really really can't sing and dun wanna go to such places, but i guess for fiona's sake, i might just grace the occasion with my presence....

Nonetheless, i just hope we'll be able to spend some time together, before we part for 6 months. Come to think of it, it's quite sad even though people kept saying that 6 months is short. To say that fiona is one of my best friends would be a gross understatement. She's really 1 of those few who understands me, and who knows me. She knows my struggles and all that i'm going through, just as i know hers even though we seldom talk on the phone.

I'll miss her. Really i guess.

It's already close to the 26th of dec. It's time to do some introspection of my overall year, and to do some basic planning for the year ahead.

The 4 sheets of paper

2006-12-21T06:56:00.000-08:00

The more i look into my life, the more i really feel sinful and disgusted with myself, especially my past. It's true when people say the past will always return to haunt you. In this case, i'm still struggling for forgiveness, the courage to forgive myself for whatever i've done. In light of God's forgiveness for me, by right, i should already feel forgiven, but i just can't, yet. I believe i will, eventually, with god by my side.

This issue is just like a garden. On the surface, there are many pebbles which you can pick up easily. But unbeknownst to us, beneath the surface, there are actually so many boulders. I'm currently at this phase or digging a little deeper into my heart, and reaching out to these boulders. No point hiding or running from my past. I must learn how to forgive myself.

That said, i totally agree with this sentence "The world's best computer cannot even be compared to the brain of a retarded ant". I forgot who said it, but i will remember in due time. God is so magnificent to have created us, humans, as the most powerful computers on the planet.

Think about it, how much space can a hard disk on a computer store? And a human brain? Almost unlimited. A capacity to store all those information in our entire lives, whether good or bad. All our achievements and all our mistakes, our guilt and the ability to process and think through all those information, it's just amazing isn't it?

And, our brains, unlike our hard disk, cannot be overwritten and erased at our whim. We can never ever delete the unhappy and painful times, the guilty times and just retain the happy times.

Ok anyway, there was once this brilliant man, who once asked a question during a group meeting with a christian leader. "What do you tell a man who knows that there's a God but does not believe that he has sinned?"

And this leader wisely said, " When you go home, take out 4 pieces of blank paper.
On the 1st sheet, write down all the times you said yes when you wanted to say no, and all the times when you said no when you wanted to say yes, and all the times that you've lied to people in your life.
On the 2nd sheet, write down all the things that when disclosed to the public, or to your family, would cause grave embarrassment to you and would bring shame to yourself and your family.
On the 3rd sheet, write down all the things that you've done to people which you never ever want people to do to you.
On the 4th sheet, write down all the good things you have done which is worthy of praise.

This man, went home and did just that. What do you think happened?

What are the things on your 4 sheets of paper??

Do you dare write out this 4 sheets?

2006-12-20T02:28:00.000-08:00

Someone told me that my blog is too serious! Haha unbelievable. Serious is the word to describe my blog? I never knew i could be serious! However the following thoughts are my own only and this is one of the only place that i can say all this since most people do not like talking about such stuff.

It's been an eventful few weeks, and my mum is currently still recuperating well at home. Thanks to all who prayed for her and of course to all my relatives for offering to come over once in a while to cook lunch for her etc. I'm sure she appreciated all those.

Anyway for those who are closer to me, i'm still currently struggling with the transition from my present self to an adult. I find it so difficult. It's like going through puberty all over again, sans raging hormones.

Ok enough about me, last fri some of my jc classmates came to watch a musical at my church. I do not know what they think about the musical, but personally, i felt that it was good, abeit not as good as the one 2 years ago but still good effort there! This time, it was less of a story than the last time. I remembered being enthralled by the good plot. Nevertheless, the songs this time are nice and i've been trying to look for those songs but i can't find! argh..

I've lost my momentum to blog again. But well, it's good to return to office, at least i'll be doing work instead of wasting time daily.

One of the highlights for me this week was my rejected application for IDT at my church. For those who do not know, it is an intensive 2 year training programme, with the senior pastor teaching us how to get back to the basics. While of course i was disappointed with being rejected, after awhile, i started to rejoice and give thanks to God.

You see, this course is going to be on every friday, and i cannot miss more than 3 lessons per semester, or i'll be asked to re-consider if i would still like to be in the programme. Anyway, now my june schedule can be freed up to other months! And i can go backpacking, mission trips, short trips out of the country etc! So what's there to be so sad about?

And then i'll be accepted in the July 2006 batch, by which time i would expect myself to have finished what i wanted to do in my break. Wonderful man! God must have known that i was a little bit reluctant. haha

2006-12-06T20:13:00.000-08:00

I read the papers yesterday and if i did not remember wrongly, there was a headline which read "4th MRT death in 2 months". So suicide via mrt seems to be the in thing now. All these suicides come on the back of the first case which managed to garner alot of sympathy donations totalling up to $10k. And i remember a clumnist once wrote that while donations are based on good intentions, the backlash would be tremendous. What great foresight.

For me, I can't help but feel that these people are extremely selfish. I know among you out there, would feel that i'm being disrespectful to the dead. It's true, i do not respect them at all, in fact i feel sad for them. What can be so great to even contemplate taking your own life? Starving african orphans are not committing suicide, in fact they dig daily at the various rubbish dumps, all in the hope to live.

Cancer-striken patients are not ending their own lives, in fact they're trying out newer drugs in the hope that they might live. And here are people, healthy committing suicide, showing such great disrespect to life.

Still some of you might say freedom! They have the freedom and the right to choose when to die. That's exactly where they're selfish. Their one moment of freedom led to the many restrictions of others. Think of the numerous people who suffered due to the disrupted train services. Employees who were late to work, people late for important meetings. And these numbered into the tens of thousands!

How about their family? The psychological effect on their family members. Children. How would they feel? Frankly, if i were their children, i would rather live poor and have a complete family than living more comfortably with a broken family.

Then how about the train driver? Although he did not intend to "murder" the suicide guy, but it's a fact that the train he drove killed him. Think of the psychological damage and nightmares, the guilt that will plague him. And the councellors needed to councel him? The no-paid leave that he needs to take in order to recover from that nightmare?

How can? Seriously, how can these people be so selfish as to affect so many people. The cost of their freedom is the restriction and the shackles that they inflicted on others.

So are they selfish?

In God's time

2006-12-05T07:09:00.000-08:00

The more i think about it, the more i'm awed about God's timing. It's never early, it's never late and it is always ON TIME!! Sometimes we wonder why is God so late?? But when i look back, i realised that he is never ever late.

Went to east coast park with Val yesterday. We cycled and thereafter, i spent some time praying for my mum. Thanks val for accompanying me! You're an extremely safe and good driver! Anyway, i read a book and it spoke about seeking God's kingdom first. I usually suffer from cluttered thoughts, and so this time i decided to seek his Kingdom first and surprisingly, i enjoyed the prayer session thoroughly. I begin to see the big picture and all my problems, all my wants just seem so insignificant. So happy!!

After my prayer session, we decided to head down to cineleisure to watch The battle of Wits, or Mo Gong. The movie was supposed to start at 5.40pm. We reached the public carpark at 5.20pm and started debating if we should park at cineleisure or park there. Considered all the parking costs fully, esp since me the giam gui was in the car with her. By the time we got out and reached the ticketing counter, it was 5.33pm.

Hmmm..I proceeded to buy the tickets, and i saw 2 seats at the back. I could hardly believe my eyes because the whole theatre was full save for this 2 seats. And i was shocked.
Me : So this 2 are front seats?
Counter : No, back seats.
Me : How can it be?!?!
Counter : Maybe someone book but last minute withdraw??
Me : Okok gimme that!!

And i was still in shock and in awe after so long. I just realised that me and val were rather naive and foolish. Wanting to get tickets for a show like 5min before it was going to start during the holidays?! Foolish!

But from there, i learnt about God's timing. It is just like that. Always on time. Never early, never late. Think about it, if me and val did not debate in the car, we would have gotten out earlier and the person might not have released the tickets. Even if the tickets were released, other people might have bought it. The timing was perfect in that sense. The time taken to walk to cine, the time taken in the lift, the time taken to park properly, to consider the safest place to park without getting ambushed by bird shit..wow man!

God is fantastic!

Oh and my mum had her op today. Thank God it went fine. My aunt prayed with her before she went in. Thank God for that! She came out late, but Thank God for that, because the operation was a success. Thank God for my aunts who came to visit. Thank God for her friend Rabiah, who wants to stay back in hospital to look after my mum. Can you say my mum isn't blessed by God?

I pray God will help her recover in HIS time!

2006-11-29T07:39:00.000-08:00

Went to the hospital to collect some medicine for my father today and i had the time to finish "Tuesdays with Morrie" as well as a Christian book. Time well spent! I was just on this bench in one of the many mini gardens in SGH, and it felt good. For once, time seem to come to a standstill as i begin to appreciate how slow things were. No rushing, everything done at a slow pace. How i yearn such a life.

Once, a teacher asked her class to list out the 7 wonders of the world. The students went about the discussion enthusiastically and the list read :
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

However, 1 girl appeared troubled and the teacher asked her for her list and she said:
1. To see
2. To hear
3. To touch
4. To taste
5. To feel
6. To laugh
7. And to love

Well, what many people(me included) has missed, she has grasped and treasured.

Many of us, singaporeans, live cluttered lives. We have fixed schedules, tight time, many meetings and while going through all that motion, we miss the simple pleasures in life. In "Tuesdays with Morrie", Morrie said that many people go through life with no sense of purpose, sleepwalking through their lives. How true...

How true...I can't wait to continue slowing things down in my life.

2006-11-28T04:03:00.000-08:00

So exciting!! Today actually marks the first day of my leave and i'm going to be resting till next tuesday. A well-timed break, given that i'm dying due to lack of sleep. Too many hours on computer games is harmful man. The day started off with a trip to the dentist and and i was made to wait forever. However, cannot really blame the dentist because she was on mc and so all her patients that day were shifted and transferred over to the days that she could make it.

It means almost double work everyday. I wonder how she managed to cope man. So i was just watching my dentist at work, and i was fascinated at how she configurated the bite of my fake tooth by using a rough estimate and she even mentioned the word "angle" while talking to herself. Wow man, am i supposed to do that in future?

And that led me to think, am i really ready for dentistry? Why do i really really feel so inadequate. I feel so unprepared and so fearful of what i am to accomplish in the next 4 years. I probably am going to study very hard, for once in my life. And then? Will i be ok doing extractions? Doing all the cleaning and filling? Injection? Just so foreign.

It's probably time that i grow up into a man. Finally. Army days probably gave me a glimpse of what being a man entails. But i guess only when i am on the brink of adulthood will i understand what it means to grow up.

Ok enough of man this and that, while waiting for the dentist, i read the book "Tuesday's with Morrie" by Mitch Albom and i relaly liked the quote :

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." HENRY ADAMS

I have no idea who henry adam is, yet i still find this a very suitable and applicable quote. Teaching as a career is probably something that MOE advocates, but how many in the teaching line actually loves teaching and aims to impact lives? I'm quite sad to know of a few friends who actually was very passionate at first, but when thrown into the school, with all the politics and pressure from all fronts, they just totally lost it.

And teaching is not a joy anymore, instead it became just a job, a way to earn good money. I'm also quite disappointed that teachers are no longer the symbol of good values. Teachers molesting students, abusing students are just some of the more common examples. However i'm glad that throughout my childhood, i had some very good teachers.

The one i remember the most vividly has probably got to be Mr Quark( hopefully i spelt it correctly). If i do not remember wrongly, he was a relief teacher for my Pri. 2 class. I was hopelessly naughty, yet he never once gave up on me and even made me one of the group leaders, of which i was very proud of because i'm sure i did a reasonably good job. He gave me the belief that i had so much more to offer in class. To me, he's a positive example of a good teacher. One who will not judge a student by his behavior or how he works, but instead choose to focus on the potential that he/she can reach.

Ok enough about teachers, i'm just extremely happy today! Because today i found 2 great buddies on the bus. We were sitting in the last row and for the whole journey of about 45mins, we "agreed" with everything! Come to think of it, quite mightily hilarious to come up a bus and see 3 heads at the back swinging to and fro.

Ok time to rest.

2006-11-26T07:39:00.000-08:00

I M thankful …

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S Maggie noodles TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT out drinking AT THE Pub.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANSI HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR the floor that needs sweeping,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND toilets THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY airconditioning BILLs
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I have a home to sleep in

FOR THE person
BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAYBE
CAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I’m ALIVE.

AND FINALLY,
FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE
IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

--------------------------------------------------

This is a poem on thanksgiving in case you are lazy and decide to just scroll all the way down here. I think it is beautiful because sometimes in life, we (me included) are so caught up with complaining and grumbling that we forget to be thankful for the things around us.

This Christmas season, let's spend a day or 2 to think back about the year 2006, and the previous years and thank God for all the blessings He has given us. For non-believers, you can thank whoever you're worshiping too. The interesting thing to note is that as you're looking back, think about the times when bad things happened. You'll realised that on hindsight, the thing wasn't as bad as you made out to be and sometimes it might even be a blessing in disguise! Or it might also have taught you valuable lessons. Go try!

Prob can add...

I am Thankful...

For the homework and examinations I have
Because it means i can go to school and
Not work in the farm all day.

For the times my mother has nagged me to do housework
Because it means she is still alive!

Hmm...thinking of more...

Mortality

2006-11-21T02:30:00.000-08:00

Wow...so many pple are dying nowadays, or maybe all along, many people have been dying just that it was only recently that they decide to publish every single death of unknown origins on the news. Come to think about it, life is really fragile, 1 flick and the next moment, we're gone.

Had a mini discussion today with some of my colleagues and some of them mentioned that it's fated and there's nothing to be so afraid of. Afterlife? Maybe will even go to heaven.

I just sat there and thought to myself, death really hurts people more than we can imagine. I believe that the greatest hurt will not be felt by the one who passed away, but instead be felt by the loved ones.

As a colleague recounted for me the tale of the birthday boy, whose parents and relatives gathered in the morning and when they went into the room to surprise him with a birthday cake, they got a 'surprise' instead. The little boy died in his sleep.

Is there an afterlife? Is there heaven? If there is, how many of you would actually qualify for heaven and on what basis do you think you have to enter heaven?

2006-11-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

I commented on zixu's entry and this was his reply...interesting..

Nicholas Tan Wei-Quan:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
- The only person ever to almost cause me grevious injuries in a traffic accident. And yup not once.. but TWICE not to mention.
Eh...instead of thanking me for being such a good teaching you actually end up scolding me! Such an ungrateful friend and to think i was just trying to be nice by showing you how to be a safe driver by demonstrating the negative traits. tsk...talk about unappreciative man...

2. I'll challenge you to try something.
- Go for korean classes together with me after we ORD!
Ha! It's not called a challenge unless it's something hard man...KOREAN?!

3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
- red red red red red red red red red.. what else man.
My standards have changed, i prefer gold and brown now! It's the "IN" color.

4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
- Strong determination in doing certain things like cohesing the class together. Rather sentimental and also your devotion to god. Resilence.
Heh...but i still failed in what i wanted to do initially. It takes 2 hands to clap. At least now there's chee keong and the rest who have organised most of the outings in the past 2 years.

5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
- Earliest would be of me playing the first prank on you by lying to you that somehow u were made to participate in ushering or something in the college day nonsense. Hehehe and then finally revealing the truth to you after you getting traumatized for a while..
This is the earliest meh...are u getting dementia?

6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
- (Loan) shark. HAHAHA.
I don't think humans with gold teeth and huge gold chains around their neck, chasing people for money are animals...

7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
- Sensitive things should always be asked in private. Hehehe..
Sounds interesting...with tt kinda laughter especially

8. You must post this on yours - k so now u must post this quiz thingee on ure blog too!

I shall be nice and post number 8...though i doubt anyone would comment on this! hahaha

If you comment on this post,

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. You must post this on yours

Btw for those who want me to do this for you, please leave a comment with your IC number, name, how you knew me, how long did you know me and proclaim to the world what a genius i am. Easy conditions but nonetheless necessary to make the processing of applications faster.

Ok kinda lame coz i'm too bored! I was just kidding about the IC number and crap..

Did i mention that i had an electrifying experience today? Totally out of this world man!

2006-10-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

It's been another great deal of a long time once again. I'm finding it difficult to translate all my thoughts here now that i got myself a personal journal but i shall just touch a bit on some of my thoughts on the past days/week. I must say that recently i feel incredibly blessed by the great deal of people surrounding me. It's not to say that i am popular, or i have many friends, but i have ALL these friends, i believe, that God intentionally brought into my life.

I do not believe in fate, because fate is randomed and while some may fathom about the wonders of the random chances and encounters in life, i would rather call it a 'planned' encounter for all of us. No more will it be a wonder, but it will all be a beauty when at the end of it all, you look back, and you tell yourself, now i understand why this person was brought into my life. Or why i felt a calling to study this subject in university. Often times, we do not understand why certain things had to happen at a certain time, inclusive of good and bad things but on hindsight, at the end of everything, we will begin to see the fantastic blurprint that has been planned for us.

Recently this week, i had interesting conversations with 3 different people. All equally meaningful although the length varies. And i realised that as i got to know them better, their likes and dislikes, their habits, their character, their ways for doing things, somehow, it's an out of this world experience. Why? Knowing a person to me, is like reading a novel with a protagonist in it. As we read on, be it fantasy, non-fiction, or even chinese swordfighting novels, we are introduced to the character more and more as the novel progresses. We would learn more about the protagonist, how he/she thinks, the thought processes, and why he/she does things in a certain way.

As i spoke to this 3 friends, it was like their life and thoughts flowing into me. And to this i feel that i've changed greatly. Really greatly. Friends who know me will know that i'm extremely boistorous with a loud voice and aggression when i talk. I will form opinions about people and i will judge them, be it their actions or their words. And before you even shake your head or wag your finger at me, know this, you have just judged me for what i have just said. Not only that, i love to impose my views on people, on what i think is right and wrong, and what they should have done. Probably, sometimes to glorify myself as the more superior individual, the more powerful person.

What pride i have in me. As they share with me their perspectives, thoughts and experiences, although to some i may not agree, i have began to understand them from their point of view, instead of my own myopic point of view. I realised that when i look at people from my own narrow field of vision, i will only see what i want to see and and more importantly, pick out WHAT I DO NOT WANT TO SEE. And we will pick the flaws and start judging them on that. And then start imposing our views.

Matthew 7:1-5 says "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in you own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

So, does that mean that when we see our friends erring, we just keep quiet and stand by the side, allowing them to continue in their errant ways? And who then can decide and say that he is wrong in his ways? And by what do we justify his wrong-doing? Our experiences and our own perspectives?

Let me suggest first to say that for the first question, if i were to choose between not telling the person how he has erred and going around gossiping and complaining to others about him, i would choose the first option. Many times, we are often guilty of gossiping and complaining and spreading rumours and gossips about people whom we have disliked, influencing others to form the same opinion as us.

For the follwing few questions, we have to first ask ourselves why do we think it's wrong? For me, the central authority of rights and wrongs comes from the bible. Because the central authority is from the bible, it is not my perspective and my views that is is right or wrong but God's. Many times we tend to justify our case by our own experiences and perspectives and by that we consider ourselves correct and just. In an example of pre-marital sex, having many teens with new "perspectives and insights" on the freedom of having pre-marital sex does not make it correct. In other words, the rights and wrongs of the central authority should not be hinged on perspectives and views but rather, on truths, in this case from God.

Another example is my take on clubbing. When i was in 17, my take on clubbing was that it was wrong and i frequently imposed my stand on people who goes clubbing. But now my perspective is that i still would not go to clubs, but i do not think it is wrong. The bible never says anything about clubbing or dancing. As for myself, i just do not like to frequent places with too much alcohol and scantily-clad girls. That is my own perspective, and not a truth. That's the difference.

The rest of my thoughts are still in the process of forming and all these are the thoughts i have ever since i woke up this saturday morning. Anyway for some updates on events in the past few days.

On sat, 30th september, i attended my ex cell group members', Alvin and Shuping's wedding at my church. It was really an extremely beautiful affair. The beauty of a christian wedding is that the focus is not on the lady, nor on the groom. It is rather, on Jesus. The whole service was just thanking God for his goodness and faithfulness to the couple. And of course there was an exhortation by their friend and then after some solemnisation ceremonies, were proclaimed married. My first time attending a christian wedding, and until now, it's still firmly in my mind.

On sun the next day, i met up with my class to play some games at the mind cafe @ princep street. I came late and they were in the midst of some dwarven mining card game. The next game we played was some teleparth game in which we have to find a partner and write on pieces of paper, words that we can think of which is linked to the word or picture that we pick randomly from a stack of cards. It's really quite fun although my pair was a bit cheating due to the fact that both me and zixu was paired together and we knew roughly what each other would write. An example would be for the word "laugh". Both me and zixu wrote "lol" on our papers and got it right. Anyway, that was the winning entry.

The class pic we took after everything minus seokfun who left abit earlier. Zhenjie and junyuan joined us awhile later for dinner and jianhong came when we are about to leave. As usual, my dear class did not know wad to do after dinner and proceeded to go our separate ways. Hahaha another reason why everything must be planned beforehand. But throughout i must thank chee keong for taking the time and effort to bring our class together again although there were notably some who could not make it due to some reaons. Nevertheless, was pleasantly surprised to see yida and junyuan whom i've not met in a year and of course binh, who seldom comes for class outing. I was really quite moved, even though she only joined us for an hour because i know how much effort it takes to join a group that you've not been out with for a long time, that sense of fear of rejection and detachness.

Wow, i can't believe i have typed so much although as usual, still never able to beat zixu. An interesting read would be today, saturday 7 Oct's straits times. Under the section of Saturday, they listed "25 under 25s to watch". It's interesting because of the certain ways they've taken to impact singapore. I like the story about the twins. This 2 ITE boys who was posted to normal technical and ITE, shattering their dreams of going to university and opening their own business together.

Their teacher in ITE never gave up hope on them throughout and eventually, both did well enough to enter the polytechnic with 1 of them even clinching the LKY award. They then wanted to help others too and so volunteered at Turning Point halfway house for recovering female drug addicts, hoping that with the knowledge of accounting, these ladies can move on in society in future and get jobs. They also participated actively in the polytechnic students welfare by raising like $11k to help those in need. They graduated this year at the top 10 percent of their cohort. 1 is planning to study accounting at NTU while the other is planning to study business administration in NUS.

This is just 1 of the remarkable stories i've read today. Youths who make a difference, empowering their lives to help others. Rather interesting isn't it?

2006-09-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

Have just been pondering on the word of God more and more these days. What is means to have been saved and to have been redeemed. What it means when I do not do good works in order to go to heaven, but by following Jesus with all my heart, mind and soul.

Mercy is not giving us what we deserve. For all the sins committed, surely i deserve death. Yet in all his loving kindness, he did not punish us.

Grace is giving us what we do not deserve. Not being punished by death would have been good enough, but he went on to sacrifice his son, Jesus, in order that we might have all our hope in him, the son of God, seated in heaven.

Is it really all about going to heaven? Or is there something else? What is eternity? It's just great tynking of eternity spending time praising God and singing songs to him. And all that at a cost of.....nothing? I do not have to do anything. It has been done. Not by good works, but by responding to the transformation power of God, that will bring about the great change in us.

That is all i want. To follow God...Because he first called me and reached out to me, and was faithful to me even when i was being such an unfaithful child. He still loved me so much. This love, can anyone, anything ever give me this unconditional and perfect love? To me, Jesus is more than a God. He's a friend, soulmate, a father, a brother, a comforter, a tower of refuge.

2006-08-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

Blog blog blog! haha rather interesting and tiring week.

First up, farewell to benjamin. It was really a great session and first time i finished all the food during a bbq and first time a bbq lasted about 1.5hours?? Quite funny tynking about it. We ordered food from a bbq caterer which means that we get to save up on preparation time and on hindsight, i tynk it was a great decision because everyone had no time! Of course the reason why such events are fun is because of the people!

Well, apparently he had a 'mum' and a 'dad' courtesy of eunice and ying ting, and they were well, extremely 'loving' and 'caring' and just great! They insisted that I be their new 'son' since their old son is going. But how can a genius like me be their son?! Crazy man...in the end, oblidged a little and took a photo with all of them, but doesn't mean i'm part of your family. And who can forget tony the WOLF, as in colour wolf, se4 lang2 and all the wolf jokes we cracked like wolf in pig's clothing etc...hahaha ok lar fun fun time and then a few of us went to catch the fireworks.

Not really in my intended plan for the day but well, i din wanna spoil people's moods to watch the fireworks. I was caught in the jam like forever both b4 and after the fireworks and was abit impatient and felt bad. Because i had another appointment with my friend and i could only meet her extremely late, while she has to wake up early the next day and i felt extremely bad and guilty...sigh...But the fireworks were great and really all kinds of patterns that i never ever could imagine.

Throughout the journey i felt really bad to bangseh my friend and in the end, she chose to go home. Well, i felt guilty the whole night. haha, and even when dancing salsa in the club, i still felt guilty. It's long since i really pissed off people man...

Anyhow, on sunday, we celebrated zixu's birthday and that stupid bum better be appreciative. After scouring almost all the places in orchard for something suitable for like 3 hours, we finally managed to find a cool t-shirt for him and really, hope he likes it man. 3 Hours of madness really! We ate at the Rice table, and as usual binh the pig came late. So the 4 of us, jas me zixu and binh ate at this indonesian buffet restaurant until we almost died. The food was great to me, but i guess some of them felt it was too spicy.

We had insanely lots of laugh and binh said something really hilarious that made me laugh uncontrollably. It's been months, probably years since i managed to laugh so heartedly man...We're just talking about her plans to teach her professor vietnamese and i guess me and zixu just had the exact sentiments and was tynking along the same line...And that kinda set the tone for everything else. Binh started saying that her friend also 'torched' the professor before when she accidentally combined 'teach' and 'taught' and really, hahahahaha just tynking about it now with the wierd setting and tone and everything else is just making me shake uncontrollably...hahahaha

After dinner, we went to Mccafe at shaw and started to plan our overseas trip. We finally managed to decide on Australia, but i kinda still sense the hesitance and reluctance of the girls to actually commit the time and money for this. I guess, it's really difficult once you start your university education because you have so little time with yourself what with all that attachments and internships etc...

Well, we'll see what happens la ok zixu? I tynk a budget of about 2k would be just nice for a 2-3 week stay in australia. We'll see about ur uni application and the girl's availability of time and cash ok? Otherwise...ya...must plan early lar, or else we'll not be able to make full use of our stay there.

Finally, the highlight of the entry is today. I actually almost blacked out, or fainted for the simple-minded. I brought my sister to the GP to remove her in-grown toenail. Well, finally! It's been bothering her for weeks and finally finally finally decided to see a GP. The doc was nice, offered her 2 solutions, 1) remove the toenail surgically right away 2) be placed on antibiotics and see if the swelling goes away, and the toenail can be cut.

After eternity, my sister chose 1, with tears glistening in her eyes though. Well, i tynk i understand the fear and trauma of having to go 'under the knife'. She's afraid of pain, of injections, of the scapel, of the doctor, of everything lar! The needle haven't even gone in already started crying like crazy, i mean wailing like crazy. And as the doctor was testing whether her entire leg has gone numb, i started to feel a little giddy and flashes of darkness started to surround me.

According to my experience, i knew i was feeling faint, and that i was probably going to faint too. But i really did not want to leave my sister, so i just tried to lean on the wall, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. But it just got worse and worse and the doctor noticed me, and asked me if i felt faint, and proceeded to lead me out of the room after i replied yes. I stumbled my way out of the room, because i really had difficulty seeing anything with all the flashes of darkness shrouding my vision and i just plonked myself on the chair outside.

I closed my eyes, and tried to keep my head straight but i had no strength to even lift my head and it was just slumped behind. My limbs were without strength and i couldn't open my eyes. I tried taking deep breaths, but felt my chest tightening and could hardly breathe properly. Before long, i began to perspire profusely and all the while, i was conscious and i could feel wad was happening to me and i was trying to fight the darkness.

It's really scary, the way the darkness just totally shrouded my vision and enveloped my entire being. Eventually, managed to ease out of that phase and called my parents to come pick me and my sister up. Even though i drove my sister to the doc's, i doubt it'd be wise for me to drive her home after my almost fainting spell. No point to endanger our lives and the lives of others should i really faint in the car while driving.

Anyway, it was only after i regain full consciousness that i began to feel quite worried because i was going to be a dentist. Luckily, the nurse asked me if i had my dinner and it was only then did i realised that it has been many hours since i last consumed anything and yea did not feel so worried anymore! Afterall, i've witnessed countless extractions and injections and today was the first time i almost passed out. It's a blessing i did not pass out because i know that fainting could result in brain damage, thank God man...

Anywae still feeling abit giddy now so gotta sleep already...gdnite all!

2006-08-03T09:46:00.001-07:00

Human beings are really 1 kind. We really tynk that we understand each other so well, as family, as friends, that we will always judge one another. Of course i'm not excused from this behavior as well because i like the rest have fallen. We always tynk we are right, others are wrong. And the best thing is we always believe that we can read each other intentions and character and personality so well!

It's really so easy to tell someone that 'You're selfish!'. Or 'You're petty', without actually realising that each time we utter such words, we're piercing a knife through their hearts. But we still always do that, sadly. Especially when we really want things our way and if that scenario doesn't happen, we tend to blurt out all these words.

It's so funny. I tell u it's really so hard to maintain a family. When you have 5 people living under 1 roof that has different kind of lives, it just gets so exciting. You never know when the next conflict would come because it is always lurking around in the corner. You see, in a family where everyone refuses to give way, what you have isn't really a family anymore is it?

Of course i stand by the opinion that everyone has a different way of life and of course each way of life and character has been forged and moulded by the different circumstances and the different surroundings and experiences. So what is the unifying thing in the family then? The surname? A house to come home to, which has become a hotel for some?

Ok, let's examine a few typical characters in the family. The father. The one who more often than not is the breadwinner in the family. Constantly worries about finances to send his children to school and of course would want the best for his wife and for his children. Comes home daily hoping to enjoy a good meal with the family after a hard day's work.

The mother. A person who always wishes to have the best for the family, sometimes even making sacrifices like not going out in order to cook and spend time with the family. Is also a strict disciplinarian. Juggles 3 things; work, studies and housework. Worries alot about the children in the family especially when they come home late.

The eldest son. Someone who holds the role as peacemaker in the family although sometimes can be the troublemaker. He has to be the mediator at times and has the responsibility of looking after his sisters and making sure that they are doing well, as well as to make sure that his parents are fine too.

The 1st sister. An extremely outgoing person who never fails to come home late every night. Is talented in almost all sports and is a great social butterfly. At times when she comes home a bit earlier than usual, she will offer to do some housework.

The 2nd sister. A girl who has strong individualistic values and believes firmly in her character. Independence brought about by the long hours spent at home when her elder siblings are in secondary school while she in primary school. Reads widely and is yet to fulfil her maximum potential.

Wow! Picture of a perfect family! Unbelievable! But no. It's far from perfect. Misunderstandings, irritation, transgressions, hurts, vulgarities, shoutings, screamings are all so common. It can happen anyday, anytime, anywhere. Whether 1am, or 2pm anytime, anywhere. Overseas, at home, in shopping centres, just absurd right?

A typical family that do not know how to translate their care and concerns for each other into positive words and actions. Everything is negative. Everything is bad.

Parents do not understand their children and vice versa. For children who can take all this misunderstanding and judging of their characters, they will grow up to be very strong individuals. For those who cannot take it, very often they would turn to their peers. For the worst case, they would even turn to crime, gangs etcetc and the gap between the parents and the children will just be there for a long long time.

In the world that has fallen, everyone has fallen too. Our actions, thoughts and words all make tt up. But God knows. He knows right from wrong. He knows love from hatred. The only thing that can unite people's hearts is through Christ. The epitome of love.

2006-08-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Sigh...today i witnessed my $100 and my silver for ippt fly away in front of my eyes!! Argh!! How can that be?! How can the super duper fit genius like me can't even get a silver for a stupid ippt?! It's all because of the STANDING BROAD JUMP. I tell u, i absolutely hate the standing broad jump. Since the day i started doing this dumb jump, i've been always living on the fringe and it was only after many many many days of hard training did i manage to jump a gold score.

And today, sadly, after being inactive for close to 4 months, my sbj has been my demise again...I jumped 221cm, short of 4cm to get old and as ben said, each cm is worth $25 man...haha ok lar basically, i did well for each section except sbj and after tt, i just got no motivation to run anymore. Anyhow, still managed a comfortable 10min timing..hmmm the question now is..shld i train my standing broad jump and aim for the gold? And it's worth $200 man...

2006-07-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

wow!! salsa is juz electrifying man! Tonight, my salsa refresher has officially ended and finally, i got the guts to ask for a few numbers from my classmates to ask them out to dance in future! haha Super duper fun man! I can't emphasise how fun salsa really really is!! Such a great and energetic social dance!

Any of you out there who wanna learn can tell me, i'll intro you to a great school man! Any of you out there who also knows how to dance this can pls pls pls ask me out to dance!! haha

2006-07-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

So many thoughts are still swirling in my head and i think only a few of my church friends really know the thing that has been bothering me for awhile. And really, this issue is making me grow up, fast. I always feel that whenever we face a problem, we will learn from it and grow up. And when we face a monumental and big problem, that we ourselves are not in control of, we grow up 10 times faster.

It's really a miracle that amid the crisis that I'm going through, amid the rough patches, the tears and pain and desperation, I am still able to function rather normally on the outside and am able to smile and laugh and have fun around people. Thank God for that courage man. Apologies to the friends that are really close to me. It's not that i do not want to share with you my problems, but it is not my problems, but someone else's problems but of whom I'm also sharing the burden.

I just reflected and i realised that the pain i feel from the burden is really not from me. And i finally understood what it feel like and what it actually means to share in the burden of your loved ones. And of course to share all joy, sorrow, pain, disappointment, blessings, and everything else with them too! Very often, all we're able to do is to share in the happiness and joy, and occasionally, share in the unhappiness of our loved ones.

But seldom do we actually feel pain, seldom do we actually breakdown and cry, asking God for help in total desperation. Many a times, the unhappiness that we share with our friends after hearing their problems is because we feel inadequate, and helpless. But the pain i feel, is not only that of someone that's helpless, but also because directly i can feel the pain of my loved ones. And it's really forcing me to grow up real quick.

At times, though i may act jovial and happy and all, at the same time, the pain is just ripping my heart apart beneath my loudhailer voice and thunderous laughter. How can i celebrate when my loved ones are in trouble? How can i make merry when my loved ones are sad? If i could control my emotions, of course i'd want to be happy, who likes to be sad right?

But sadly, i cannot control myself. It's also really rare for me to totally breakdown and cry, probably wail instead of the sobbings. I don't remember me crying that badly in the last decade of my life.

Well, for those people who really care for me and wish me well, you can say a prayer for me. But please do not ask me what it is about, because if i wanted to, i would have told you already. Afterall, some of you guys out there are my closest friends. But sometimes, i need something else, other than a listening ear or possible solutions. Because i do not believe human intervention has any place in this. So please please give me my hour of solitude and respect my decision.

Thanks for your concerns and care. And for also bearing with me, because i'm not able to express myself well in writing.

Regards,

2006-07-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

It's really been a long time since i updated this blog of mine. And really, my friends are saying that i'm really shallow! The things that i type etc, shallow shallow shallow which i cannot disagree lar.

So many things have happened in the last month and i really do not know where to start. However i tynk i will not be like dear zixu who has a gifted flair for typing and can always type out entries that stretches on for eternity. I tynk the highlight of the month has got to be the 4 day 3 night church camp, given the miracle that happened to me.

I experienced God there, it's hard to explain, but i can just feel the presence of God as well as am able to hear him speak. It's just great to be touched by God and the things that have been bothering me are just being addressed by the speaker there miraculously. The 1 thing i took home was to pray pray pray. I admit that throughout the years of being a christian, this is 1 aspect which i really fail in. At times i'll just be too lazy to pray man!

But ever since i came back, i re-discovered the joy of praying. Just feel so happy and rested whenever i pray. And i really can't help but look for people to pray pray pray more around me!

Of course who can forget the date 29 June 2006, which happened to add a BIG 2 in front of my age. Byebye teen life, hello adulthood. Yeayea, who can forget that date?!! Many many people forgotten!! haha no lar i'm joking! This year i actually got many messages too even though i did not continue my previous year's antics which was to constantly heckle and remind the people around me. Am touched by the gestures from my friends!

And on that day itself, i was lucky that my office decided to be kind and give me an off day! So i went blading at east coast park! And thereafter to watch superman! Fantastic show. Kind of messianic in some sense and really, great! To me 5 stars, to others mayb not that much.

Danke to all my friends! What's DANKE?! You ask. It's Thank You in german. I saw it in the Straits Times today. Juergen Klinsmann, the coach of germany wore this T-shirt that said, Danke Deutshland, which means thank you germany. In a way, the german team have really won the hearts of their fans and really instilled the sort of german pride that has been lacking in germany since world war 2. In a way, i somehow can feel the emotions too! Imagine, living in a germany without hope and without pride and your national team play so well. It's really touching and really great to see hope in germany again.

And of course a big thank you to zixu who offered me the chance to preview ndp this year. Went there on sat to see a great display and performance! Really proud to be a singaporean esp while singing the national anthem and saying the pledge that binds me as a true blue singaporean. Celebrated my belated birthday at cartel at marina square and i got a polo t-shirt that is meant for BOYS. Yes, the label read BOYS Large. Sickening man those people!

In the course of my recount, of course i would miss out on many outings but well, please do not begrudge me. Church has been fantastic and can really align myself to my church's vision. It surely is moving ahead towards exciting times!

Although sometimes, i've suffered, and i've been sad but i tynk God is always there for me. Even through the times that i've rejected him, that's why he's such a great and faithful God. Many times i would ask why he would allow certain things to happen, but then again, i know that he has ultimate and supreme bird's eye view of the whole situation and that i should trust Him for only wanting the best for me. When i ascend, i will see him and ask him all the doubts i have.

Danke to my friends once again! And of course to james and liangfa for coming to the match yesterday. Although we lost by a huge margin and i played crap, but i guess i enjoyed myself. It's one of those matches where i'm just glad, because i got to play with my friends again, especially james, with whom i've not played together with for a long time already! A pity i have to play in defence man, or I'd really love to link up with him!

'For I long to live a life worthy of Him.'

2006-06-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

this birthday, I did more reflections and introspections than wad i usually did in a few weeks, maybe even months.

The thoughts just can't stop flowing in my mind.

2006-06-28T09:19:00.000-07:00

My birthday wish is for world peace.....wah...joking lar i'll tell u all after i've thought about it.

It's like 1215am on the 29 june, the very day i was born 20 years ago. So far 7 messages have come in and i'm so thankful to these friends. This year i decided not to sms people to remind them because i wanted to see really, how many people really remembered...haha and to see how many really really cared bout mi.

Anywae, the most touching message so far came from tony my colleague at work. Quite a nice and encouraging speech!
And from my sister, she's the first to send me a birthday message!
And my mom gave me a book titled 'Lead like Jesus'. It's the best gift for this birthday. Although my mum has not come to know Christ yet, i hope one day she'll join me and my whole family will join me and we can spend time praying together at home!
And my mum's friend, she gave me a shirt from op! Wow...touched!! haha
Ok more updates soon...
Now it's 1220 and i have 9 wishes already...haha

2006-06-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...something i saw in a card that's written for me for a special day..
Something that happened during an interview:

Interviewer: How come you don't have girlfriend?
Me: I don't know...
Interviewer: Issit coz u're bogay?
Me: I'm not gay!!

Ok this sorta brought up memories of that day which was quite interesting...many things happened this 2 weeks and really i'd like to share everything...but not now lar...

Now i'm juz focusing on the record...see? I din send out reminders this year...haha

2006-06-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's really been a whirlwind weekend man! Andy, church friend of mine approached me on saturday, to replace him for the upcoming church camp this week. At that time, i was playing winning eleven at wayne's place and ya, for those who know me, when i'm playing game i really really don't like to be distracted. Furthermore, there is so little time for preparations! So after a little thought, i turned him down. I know i'm shallow lar haha...

So on sunday, i got reminded of the church camp, again and again and again through different ones. And every time i try to reject it, it got harder and harder and in the end, i decided to ask God to lead me. So happened that i met andy at the 1st floor and so enquired about the camp again. The more i asked, the more interested i became. But the administrative stuff i had to settle was still at the back of my mind. Plus the cost of it. But once again i decided to surrender to God lar. I told him that if he wants me to go then please make everything smooth.

And so, the arrangement of the buses was perfect. Andy was due to leave on monday for an additional day of leader's retreat, but well, i can only leave on tues. And the issue of taking so many days of overseas leave suddenly too. Thank God it was all approved by my superiors. And then i had to take half day leave today to extend my passport and it was also approved! And at the passport immigration centre, trust me man, there was close to 200 applicants in front of me! It was crazy man...And at the end of all the settling of administrative stuff, i just felt so happy. Luckily i decided not to worry bout anything and instead to just surrender everything.

It's something that i've always been struggling. Making my own decisions, worrying bout everything, but ya now i'll try to just surrender. Afterall, God's responsible for my life and anything and everything that has happened and will happen to me! Haha so happy now...hahaha

So well, church camp is tml, tues 7.30am to friday nite. See ya guys when i'm back.

2006-06-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hey! Salsa was superb man. Juz came home not too long ago. It was tiring and yet fun at the same time. The steps are difficult!! I realised that i might have some psychomotor problems. It's always soooooo hard to coordinate the foot and the arms and yar to combine wif the girl is even more difficult! Well hope i will get ample practice this sat when i go to xen bar. Time for mi to go there and leave a blazing trail man!

Went to the botanic gardens on monday and i must say that it's been a good 6-7 years since i've stepped into that mosquito-infested place. The swans have multiplied and the lake is more beautiful now. Took a big walk round the whole park and eventually came back where we played wif the swan. I will never forget that most comical of comical moments when the swan raised his head and took a little bite...on a little foot...hahahaha hilarious man almost died laughing

Next up is the zoo! I hope i will find some 'friends of the zoo', then i can enter at a cheaper rate!!

2006-06-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

Hi i'm back again! Juz returned frfrom salsa class and my whole body is aching and aching and aching man. Shoulders ache, legs ache, arms ache, neck ache, anywhere u mention i ache lar. But salsa was nonetheless fun. Revised on the techniques we learnt that day which was cross body lead, and the simple turn.

Today we learnt 2 more moves and of which 1 is extremely difficult man. The cross body turn! It's really really crazy and i tynk i really have little bits of psychomotor problems man. Can't really coordinate mi arms and legs well yet but wif practice due this sat, i will still fulfil my dream of blazing the dance floor!! Muahahaha...

2006-06-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! That day when i updated i forgot to write about my horrendous nightmare. It was really really really so bad that i actually cried in my sleep man.

In my dream....

I woke up and went to university! Strangely, i turned up in a tutorial class at NTU business school. I was shocked lar because i did not know wad i was doing there. The teacher just said take out your pen and paper and gave a test man. I was still so stunned by the whole situation that i kept asking my teacher wad i was doing there and she said that i was transfered there.

She told me that i was suddenly kicked out from dentistry and then i can't get into my second choice also. Since i had only 2 choices, they juz threw mi into a course which have vacancy and there i was in ntu business sch. I was so shocked and utterly disappointed and sad that i juz cried in front of my whole class man. Nevertheless i still took the test, although i do not know anything bout business and nv study anything and got super good grades man.

See even if i'm sad and crying, i'd still be a crying genius. Ok lar tt's all basically but when i woke up mi pillow is utterly wet lar and i dun tynk it's my saliva because my eyes were abit puffy and damp and all that...haha

2006-06-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

Juz came back from Global Day of Prayer man! It's really a very great event where christians juz gather together to meet with God. It was held at the national stadium and i was one of the ushers. Felt extremely happy to juz greet people with a simple Hello! or a simple Welcome! and to be greeted back. Had a lot of fun tynking of ways to attract people's attention too! There was once i said Hi, welcome! then this group of about 5 guys and girls dao mi leh...so i was abit exasperated then i lamented to my fellow usher. And i tynk i'm quite loud when i'm exasperated...so well suddenly frrom behind i heard HELLO!!! and all of them waving back at mi...so embarrassing lar...haha

At the main event, i tynk the best part was seeing about 24+k people juz coming to worship and pray together man. Magnificent. It's juz like a mini ndp lar. With all the worship songs, i tynk the nearby blocks probably can hear us man. The most touching part came when the 2 wings of church denominations apologised to each other. Christians are mainly split into 2 categories; the conservatives and the charismatics. So they apologised for all the times they belittled each other and hurt each other and were not united. And they forgave each other, to form 1 united Church of Singapore!

Well, the event went well man but a pity city harvest and new creation did not join us.

I must learn to give thanks for the things i have. And be joyful in the Lord. That's the challenge for me now.

2006-06-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

It's farni how i manage to keep up an energetic and cheerful facade for the last few days even when deep inside i was deeply troubled by so many things in m

2006-05-25T07:37:00.000-07:00

Haha i received a call from my mum today while in office and she almost shocked mi totally man. Apparently, a gigantic iguana looking thing crawled into my house...It's about 15cm shorter than me. So the total length is about 150cm man! Crazy huge thing juz crawled into my backyard and my tt little fierce dog was apparently so frightened it kept sticking to my mum. Haha talk about being fierce man, size still does matter in the end. And my huge labrador retriever juz kept barking and barking at it and i tynk it was scared too...

So luckily mi mum called the ava and they managed to catch that thing. That little zixu still say wad capture it and cook it. Crazy man.

2006-05-21T17:25:00.000-07:00

SHSA101: Basic Theory on Shesha Charcoal on top. Tobacco under charcoal. Smoke goes down shaft. Smoke goes through water. Smoke comes out pipe. Rockstar sucks on smokepipe. Smoke goes in Rockstar. Rockstar happy.

SHSA102: The Real Theories on Shesha Many people say that there's no tobacco in shesha. That's not true. The stuff that you smoke is a mixture of tobacco and molasses soaked in juice. It's the juice that gives the flavour.

Qn: What are the health effects of smoking shesha?
Yours truly found out that Egyptian youths are developing throat and chest cancer from moderate use of shesha.

Another very important bit of information shared with us by Yus (respect). After about an hour, the tobacco in the ceramic holder dries up. This is bad. It means there's no more flavour and all that you're smoking is actual dry carbonite particles. Yus (respect) says that one puff of this carbonite particles is equivalent to 17 sticks of ciggies.
17 sticks of ciggies, man!

So, don't be cheap on this. After about 45 mins (if you got the small pipe) or an hour (if you got the bigger pipe), ask for a change of tobacco. The man will get you a new ceramic holder with fresh tobacco and charcoal for your pleasure. One other sign that tells you that the tobacco has dried up is when you suck on the pipe and the smoke doesn't come down and fill the space above the water. The air remains clear. At this point, play safe and check with the guy even when you just got the pipe.

Also the other harmful effects include infertility, cervical cancer, early menopause, ectopic pregnancy on top of lung cancer etc. The facts are laid bare before you. The choice is yours. I wouldn't have done this if i do not regard you as a friend. Take care and make a wise and informed decision.

2006-05-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a whirlwind few days in my life and of course my moods have experienced it's ups and downs. But i still stand by my policy of trying to shut myself up from saying hurtful things when i'm upset. I realised that it's kinda been ingrained in me since i was young. My family is kinda a destructive one. Since young, almost everyone in my family has had a hot temper and there would always be shoutings, use of vulgarities etc. I believe that one's character is moulded from his environment and of course soon i also grew up to be one that has a short temper as well as a fiery one. Destructive in the sense that i'd say hurtful things to sort of get back at a person consciously and unconsciously. Of course at times i'd feel remourseful on hindsight but like wad i said previously, what's done cannot be undone.

My sisters like me are prone to short and fiery tempers. So i have a huo3 la4 la4 family man. My father is usually the calmest and most reasoning of the whole lot. He'd seldom get angry, unless he's really hungry and tired, afterall a hungry man is an angry man rite? But once my father loses his temper, there'll be mayhem at home, it'll be sth like parliament in hong kong man without the use of chairs and violence lar, but anger and shoutings will be everywhere.

It is a vicious cycle. Passing from 1 generation to another generation. I juz hope that all you friends of mine out there will help me. Of course without God it'll be impossible too. So for christian friends, pray for me. For non-christian friends, pray for me also! haha

Anywae since the Da vinci code movie is released, i'll juz like to clarify some doubts and some false parts as mentioned in the novel.

Priory of Sion.
The book says that a French king named Godefroi started the Priory od Sion in 1099 after he conqued Jerusalem. Apparently he was afraid the secret of the Holy Grail would be lost forever when he died and so he started it, to protect the secret and pass it on from generation to generation. And the proof of the Priory's existence was discovered in Paris's Bibliotheque Nationale that is later called Les Dossiers Secrets.

Well, the Priory of Sion was a real organisation, but it turned out to be a fraud. A historian Paul Maier says Les Dossiers Secrets were planted in the Bibliotheque Nationale by Pierre Plantard. One of his co-conspirators admitted to helping him fabricate the documents, including the genealogical tables and lists of Priory's grand masters- Newton, Botticello, Leonardo etc. And the hoax was exposed in the nineties in a BBC documentary and plantard turned out to have a criminal record for fraud while the REAL Priory of Sion is a little social group founded just half a century ago.

One for now. If you guys got any question, i'll try my best to answer. By the way the above is gotten from Josh McDowell's book titled 'A quest for answers: the Da Vinci Code'. Quite cheap, i got it for $2.10. And it kinda answers a few questions. Both of facts like the no. of glass panels on Louvre museum, to renaissance questions on the paintings, to spiritual questions pertaining to Christianity and history.

I guess the only reason why that book became such a mix between fact and fiction because our good friend Dan used a historian called Leigh Teabing to talk about Christ and history making it sound very real. And not to forget the fact page that claimed "All descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this noval are accurate."

If you all do not believe anything Josh McDowell says, u could look it up. He was a formal staunch skeptic of the bible and of religion and of Jesus Christ. In trying to respond to his peer's challenge, he worked for months, assembling data and weighing evidence. He left the university he was attending and travelled to europe to study and gather research to prove that there was no interllectual grounds for believing in Jesus Christ. For months he tried to refute the overwhelming evidence gathered that Jesus Christ was God's son. At last he realised that he was being interllectually dishonest and so decided to test if God is true by becoming a christian and has never turned away since.

Feel free to ask any questions

2006-05-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

I typed somthing here for 15min. Something hurtful, something that represented what i really felt like doing. What's done cannot be undone. I've always tried to live by this. But always failed, words juz come blurting out of my mouths, out of my fingers. But this once, i deleted everything i typed. So unbelievable rite?

Seize the day man. You never know when is the last time you will meet the person. Always live each day as your last, and you will not regret a single day spent. Keep anger, hurt, depression, pain all minimal, hard but it can be done. I did it. The great genius did it! Better be happy for him.

Gdnite

2006-05-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

Da vinvi code is finally out! After so much hype and all, but well, i haven't watched it yet so i'll be waiting for people to ask mi man! Anywae i juz wanna say that sometime about 2 weeks ago, i read a newspaper from across the strait that mentioned something about the da vinci code that i find hilarious.

According to the news report, legislators from across the strait wants to ban Da vinci code. Well, of course it's understandable since many people from many countries want to ban it too! So anywae, according to them, Da vinci code has a bad influence on the english language there! Teenagers might be further influenced by the word 'da'. Already, there are many cases of people replacing the word 'the' wif the word 'da', like those rappers. Eg, You're DA man, instead of you're the man. I want to go to DA toilet, instead of i want to go to the toilet. In fact, they claim that the problem is so widespread and so serious that now they must ban this movie to prevent further decadence of the english language.

Quite absurd i felt! haha wad kinda nonsense is that man really..but that news made my day! Ok anywae, todae i read another piece of news. Some mps in a state across the strait wants to introduce the use of eye patches during parliament. Because they claim that parliament is usually long and draggy and people might fall asleep. So for image concerns, they can learn to sleep wif one eye, while the other eye is still open. So it seems as if they're all listening. Well, naturally some people would disagree la. An mp said that, they would look like pirates! And Another mp say when women wear eyepatches, it'll look like they're winking at the male mps, very stumbling. And of course that created a huge uproar from the female mps...

My goodness can u imagine such news? What's the world coming to????

2006-05-17T03:03:00.000-07:00

Another few days have passed since i last blogged man. I must say that life is juz cruising past me at the moment. Before i know it, it's the end of the day already. Somehow, i haven't been living up to my own standards everyday. It's like i do not feel the satisfaction of a well-spent day passing by..Wierd. Anywae i met up wif mi classmates last fri during Vesak day for cycling. It was really really really fun. Been long since i cycled man. And i'm amazed at a certain lohzixu's ability to cycle handless...quite cool man but that guy always trying to act cool, even taking out his water bottles wif both hands from his bag while still paddling and throughout the whole journey, he barely touched the handle and yet can keep up with our pace? Amazing man..

Unfortunately, we did not really plan the post activities, so after dinner, the guys decided to go for a dota session. Honestly this game is taking away my life. And yea went there, was quite fun lar, both mi and zixu always on the same team. Also had the chance to try out my new hero. Ok the 3 gers were damn sad, coz we were playing games and they had to liu2 luo4 ji1 tou2. Apologies man. So melisa the kind soul drove mi and lohzixu to clementi. They were on their way to their kbox session. And melisa was driving a manual car. Speaking of which, though i've got a nice class 3 license, i've not driven a manual car since i passed mi driving test...

So well, she was driving quite smoothly i must say. Respect, i knoe it's not easy to drive manual man. On sat, i met up wif d'euqilco, mi nj co clique for a meeting. It's long since i met all of them man. Weibin and royston and george and aloy, mainly guys were cooking while mi and benny and limin and eexuan and xiaoqian were mainly outside, playing mahjong. And i dunnoe wad's wrong wif mi man, i actually almost din win any games at all. Only towards the end, did i achieve my only win of the day...wad an unlucky day! All the cards i drew were sooooooo lousy tt it's unbelievable man...Had a fantastic dinner, abeit 1 that is too filling that for hours after that i still feel bloated, and that sorta reminded mi to watch mi diet man. I've been eating so much recently, without proper regular exercise that i really tynk i'm fattening up like a pig.

So i've considered a multi-pronged approach to slimming. First step, i'm trying to wake up every morning to run a few km. But so far, haven't materialised yet. As far as possible, i'd try waking up on saturday mornings for swims. So far this also haven't materialised yet. Ar..but the 3rd way, i'm currently using the OTO Trimax, some vibrating thingy, that u put anywhere on ur body to get rid of fats...wonderful man. Now my stomach is so painful but i believe i'll be able to have excellent abs soon! You nv knoe, i might juz very well buy the igallop man...haha

Ok lar nothing much liao...

2006-05-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! It's been exactly 1 week since i got that special thing...those of you lucky enough to witness, good for you man! I hope you guys are happy for me too!

Anywae at this ungodly hour of 2.35am, i'm here online blogging after watching a vcd man. It's actually quite unbelievably nice. Ok but i must first tell u of mission impossible 3 which i watched with zixu. It's really an exciting show man! It's super good too. My leg can be testament to that fact! I actually injured myself while watching this movie! I tynk i strained some nerves and till now i still have difficulty walking. It's all because i tried to sit up straight for the entire movie. And well, i'm not exactly a very tall person and so my legs weren't exactly flat on the ground. In fact, it was in a slight slight tiptoe position and i believe that's wad caused mi injury...damn unlucky i tell u.

Ok ya i juz watched I not stupid too. It's directed by jack neo and somehow, his movies always managed to speak to me. It's my good fortune that i din watch this show in the theatres because i'd have been so embarrassed. Can u imagine a mature and genius guy like mi shedding tears and sniffing during the show? Exactly, so luckily, i watched it at the ungodly hour of about 12+ and juz ended. It's actually much much much sadder than the first instalment.

Well, this family had a papa and a mama and 2 boys. The youngest of which is the narrator during this movie. So this papa and mama, as usual, are not good parents and always have no time. And they also practice double standards man! Ok ya so this narrator had a performance in sch when he was the lead actor. And he desperately wants his family to go, but well his parents are always too busy to care bout him. He had to resort to writing notes on tissue and leaving them on the refrigerator but even then, the message doesn't get across.

His father by the way is a speaker sort of thing and an hour of his time costs $500! And so this little boy, tried to withdraw money from the bank, tried all sorts of ways to get money to buy the tickets for his family to come but juz couldn't raise it. So 1 day, he saw the moeny from the canteen vendor laid out in front of him and he couldn't resist. He wasn't caught until the CCTV taped everything and his parents were called down.

Imagine their anger when they got home, accusing him of stealing to buy pokemon cards etc, and even got down to caning him without listening to his side of the story at all. And at last he blurted out, ' I stole the money in order to buy 1 hour of your time to watch my concert. I tried saving but it would take a year to save $500 and by then my performance would be over etcetc' Ok ya anywae to cut the long story short this show is really good and touching.

I guess there's always a lesson to learn from this. Human beings are really frail creatures. We really need love and appreciation in our lives or else our world would juz collapse. Of course there are many who claim that they dun need such, but such is the hardened state of their hearts that they've started to deceive themselves of this. Well, juz treasure the people around you. Remember, FAMILY = Father And Monther I Love You. How many of us actually care about our parents' day? How many of us even bother or care about our family? Is our home juz a place for us to stay for the night? Juz like a hotel? Juz some questions that the movie asked.

Actually why this show speak to me is because i tend to be like some characters in the show, only see the bad side of things and of people all the time. Sometimes being harsh and critical wif mi judgement and comments and not caring about the other party's feelings. Passing judgement and hurting remarks, hai...well juz hope that i will be able to reduce the occurances of such unpleasantries.

Quite interesting show if u asked me. Actually if u ask mi which show i'd prefer i'd definitely say I not Stupid 2 as compared to MI3. It's quite wierd how i'm so unfeeling towards those jap sappy movies that can make many people feel sad but for such shows on family and children i can actually cry until so jialat. I guess it juz reflects how important each of this component is to my life subconsciously.

Ok life has been pretty interesting wif the recently concluded elections and of course the much talk-about Gomez issue. There is even a non-political podcast featuring jeff lopez and the bak chor mee man which is absolutely hilarious. Initially, i was extremely critical of this man, gomez. But well, i guess i do feel a little sorry for him too. I juz hope that he'd really sincerely apologise for his mistake instead of asking for it. This kind of mistakes are the ones that would determine his future and his life. Not worth it to go to jail for such a gimmick.

Time to sleep gd nite

Oh yea and before i go...i must tell u guys that todae was my 3rd dance lesson!!! Yay! Actually i'm quite proud of myself because for people who know mi..i really really can't dance and refuse to dance but this time pei yuan my dear fren actually presuaded mi to join and well i was rather curious about the experience also. So in the end signed up for this latin jive thingy at a CC. Although we were the youngest there and there were quite a few aunties and uncles, the atmosphere was still light and fun-filled.

But i tell u, the instructor is evil, everytime he comes into the dance studio, he';ll secretly glance at mi leather shoes..sigh i feel damn paiseh lar coz he's been reminding mi for 2 weeks to get proper dancing shoes, and pls dun misunderstand it's not those pinkish ballet shoes hor. It's proper dancing leather shoes. Oh well..but i'm feeling kinda stingy at the moment..how how how? And yes trust mi dancing's really fun! I really hope to use these sessions to tone mi butt.

Really really time to sleep...jialat tml i'll be like almost all alone in mi office.................so sad...........but at least i get to sleep in the open now! haha no one to catch mi goodnite!

2006-05-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

Haha! Finally after so long...there's a great big change about mi man...It's been 2 years really and i really miss the feeling and now i've got it back!! It's really really a great big change and huge affirmation man...Felt so so so so so gooooooooooooooD!!

A pity i can't reveal wad issit to u guys!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

2006-04-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a good weekend i must say. On fri, i played badminton wif the usual gang comprising of weize, shiwei, serhwee, weize's little bro bryan, and weize's fren teck sng. Overall it was a rather good game except for the minor glitches before the game about the venue and the no. of people tt turned up. Basically, as usual, i was quite rash in mi decision making process and had a minor argument wif weize due to miscommunication but i'm glad tt we managed to iron things out pretty smoothly at the end and of course no grudges bore after the whole thing.

I found it a healthy argument because for the few rare times in mi life, i actually swallowed mi over-swelling pride to talk to weize and try to solve the problem, and i even apologised and bore the larger part of the blame. It's good though, every argument, every conversation wif people is always a learning journey for mi which i believe is the lesson that God wants mi to take home. To all mi frens out there, pls try to put mi in place gently and kindly if i overstep the border at times and am abit too much to handle ok?

On sat, i was extremely bored but eventually i plucked mi fat butt off mi computer seat and made mi way to simlim square ALONE. It was a gd trip because basically i was able to do things at mi own pace and need not have to bother about whether the other person is bored or wad. Bascially, juz do the things i want la. Browsed a few IT stuff and set mi sight on building a wireless network at home, hopefully at a more budgeted price than the 1 i estimated, and a new 17 inch lcd monitor from philips tt cost like 419 bucks. Zixu if u're seeing this come back soon k? Hope to go wif u to simlim when u're back!

Had carrot cake at the famous rochor market and practically had to queue up for 20min for a plate of $2 carrot cake but it was all worth it because the portion was so huge tt i could barely finish it and not to mention tasty too! Cheap, tasty and large quantity are the main things i look out for in food! Din really regret queueing because after i got mi food, the queue grew even longer. Hmmm, a testament to how famous tt store was, people could come and buy like 6 packets at 1 short. Yup. tt's y the queue was so insanely long tt it barely even moved.

After that i wanted to have a look at some guitars at bras basah complex and so happened to pass by the national library. I must say tt i couldn't resist the temptation to explore the national library, again ALONE. The trip to every level via the elevator really quench mi curiosity and the view was simply, wonderful. There's a nice study corner and a nice garden. Perfect dating ground man. Saw some people practising qi gong there too! Quite a beautiful building.

Bras basah complex was nicer in its outlook due to renovation and there are still many bookstores open, selling 2nd hand textbooks, guildebooks, etc. It's quite a steal considering the prices of most textbooks nowadays. The guitar i bought cost $64 and the bad cost $20 i tynk. Guitar was classical one after recommendation from the man for beginners like mi.

After purchasing the guitar, i walked to esplanade, enjoying the night view of the city to meet agnes, who was like mi rather alone. We met at the top of esplanade, and proceeded to talk for more than 2 hours. Oh and before she came, a group of malays beside mi actually boldly asked mi to lend them mi guitar and i was only too glad to lend it to them. So throughout the entire duration of our time there, we had some nice music, and so i've nv regretted mi action although this would mean i was not to be the first person to play it. But whoever cares bout such nonsense!

Which reminds mi of the time in ocs when a fellow cadet accidentally unsheathed the sword that belonged to another cadet and the guy hus sword was unsheathed by another was utterly pissed because he believed tt he shld be the first to unsheath it. Ok out of point but i feel tt it's like super minor matter but i believe everyone has their own views.

The conversation as i said varied from religion, to girls and guys in general, to different education system, to alotalot lar. Throughout the years tt i've known her, this was the first time i've actually talked to her for so long. In the past, i always count miself to be super insanely more mature that her given the age gap and character differences but i guess as we all grow up, age doesn't really seem to matter anymore when our mind becomes interllectually more active and our views are broaden from the experiences we have received in this world.

Ok i knoe i'm veh manly and handsome u all can stop staring at mi now and continue reading pls.

And so, i've began mi odyssey in conquering this beautiful instrument. I must admit that i was abit overconfident in mastering this instrument given mi chinese orchestra, zhongruan daruan and liuqin background. I underestimated the piece of solid wood. While the playing style is somewhat similar given the chords, it's a little bit harder because of the way i had to hold it. I alwys haf the tendency to want to hold it like mi chinese instrument man. Old habits die hard man. And the skin around mi fingers are starting to harden like before. Well, sometimes sacrifices have to be made to become the most eligible bachelor in singapore by age 25.

So far i've managed to figure out a little bit of the strumming pattern given the rhythm and gist of the main song. Quite accomplished. But i must not rest on mi laurels. I shall continue to learn this instrument miself and hopefully be able to lead worship 1 day! Though i still can't sing...next up i shld join some farni idol competition liao..mayb tt'll give mi the drive to attempt to improve mi lousy singing!

Cg has been good and well, the number of girls has swelled tremendously since the last time and the guys were really really outnumbered man. Happy that i'm back into this group of people tt i've not meet for most of last year and it's juz nice to talk about so many things wif them!

Ya...so any guys who wanna join mi juz kindly send mi a msg, i'd gladly introduce u to mi homely cell group man. We usually meet up on friday evenings at about 7.30pm. Oh u can tag mi too! Gers also can lar, we have many professionals there to help u if u haf any trouble man. Teachers form the main bulk though we have a tax accountant, an architect, some students, and of course the most important factor is the genius lar.

Recently, i've been reading alot about the dialogue that some jounalists had wif MM Lee and there has been many articles published in the forum regarding this issue. Somehow, i juz felt that the attitude of some young pple in S'pore are not quite correct. While i'm impressed wif the journalists direct questions to this man, i juz felt that the tone was abit disrespectful. Of course there are worse attitudes which are political apathy, that is people not caring for the health and governance of our nation too. How many youths todae actually take notice of the difference in lifestyle led by us, and other countries around the world?

Many argue that in singapore, we do not have true democracy, that our government is a little bit of strict, wif respect to liberal strikes and the right to protest for things that do not go the people's way; afterall democracy is about people's power rite? But wad i read todae in the forum reinforced mi view on this. Would we trade our robust economy, strong governance, and fair judicial system for the sake of more political freedom? Look at france, young working adults as well as students go on strikes and refused to work or attend sch when the prime minister attempted to change a law in labour which is to simplify the process in which employers terminate the services of young employees shld their work attitude not be good.

In taiwan where true democracy prevails, MPs throw chairs and slap each other when they disagree wif one another in parliament. National disgrace. In hongkong, the media is given freeplay. Look at their paparrazzis! They are everywhere, getting the latest gossip, or sometimes making their own gossips! Would u like paparrazzis in singapore? Of course there are many other examples which i shan't mention here. And interestingly, their country is not really stable economically, politically and socially. Having a government is equivalent to having no power. The people have the last say! If that's the case, y haf a government in the first place?

Of course, i really wonder wad FREEDOM do our people want really. Freedom to say whatever they want? That would result in lots of slandering and soon nobody could tell fiction from fact. For example in Dr Chee's case, he accused the government of giving $17 billion dollars to Indonesia, without subsantiate evidence. Freedom of speech comes at a price. Which is y the government has introduced something new; freedom of speech with RESPONSIBILITY. And people are still complaining!! Which i do not really understand y.

So wad other freedom do we truly desire? Right now wif our bustling economy, many people have jobs and we haf the freedom to spend. We are as individuals, economically more well to do than many other nations in the world, and many more who have total democracy. Seriously, are we pushing the boundary too far?

Of course, i do not condone these people because i believe that with such a response, it can only be good for the political climate in our country where more young people are encouraged to speak up about wad they feel. But we must not forget the path our country has taken to prosperity and must never take it for granted. While not many out there would have the same opinion as mi, i still feel that we ought to have respect for our government and to our MM Lee who has done alot for our country.

Afterall politics is really not just about elections, but it's about whether we have jobs, whether we have a home to slp every night, whether our kids would receive top-rated education, and whether there's a future for all of us in our beautiful country.

2006-04-07T09:55:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! Film update! I'm juz completed watching brotherhood, ocean's 11 and i do i do. Brotherhood is the typical war show wif some form of blood and gory and so not advisable for the faint-hearted. But that show made mi once again experience the realities of war. The fatality rate especially. The artillery is really the king of the battlefield man. A few boom boom boom and many pple will juz perish. Of course the real time action of flying bullets are worse. The rate of getting hit by any stray bullets is like damn scary.

During training, we always aim when we shoot, but in the vcd, they juz fire blindly most of the time and although the no. of bullets to kill a man increases, but it's more effective amidst the chaos. War is really damn scary. It destroys families. But the kinship and feelings, brotherhood and love, although destroyed in the physical form, but continues to linger in the hearts of those still living. And of course war drives pple to insanity too. Juz look at the main lead actor hu actually defected to north korea and became crazy after his wife and brother were supposedly murdered by people from his own camp.

Ok it made mi drop a few tears. Not bad. Ocean's 11 is juz a typical hollywood show so i shan't comment. Ok I do i do, the movie by jack neo. I must say i wasn't watching it wif high expectations. Probably it's a different genre of film tt i'd nv watch in the theatre. It's pretty light and quite refreshing wif the occasional use of hokkien and it's really quite farni lar. I could hear miself chuckling throughout the entire show and at the end i was also a little bit touched lar. ok tt's all.

Actually i forgot the main bulk of wad i wanted to say. sigh nvm.

2006-04-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

Recently there has really been quite a no. of stuff bothering mi and most of them are rather unpleasant. Mi sister's fren had a little problem and came to look for mi sister for help. However this 'little' problem ain't tt little at all. In fact, it's still bothering mi up till now. Now, this fren of hers needed to borrow a little bit of money. Now this little bit of money aint so little too. It's juz a sum of $3000. She needed the money to bail someone out of prison apparently. The reason she gave was to mi, abit nonsensical and unbelievable.

However, this 1 person tt she needed to bail out was her father and of course if i were to imagine mi father in prison, i'd also be desperate. So she's crying and telling mi this really incredible story about how her father landed up in jail. To mi, 3k is a rather significant sum and to juz land it to someone hu told mi an incredible story is really absolutely no go. Besides, since i feel tt she's telling mi a lie about the reason y her father is in jail, i can't help but wonder wad the real reason is.

Anyone hus close ones are in prison would surely be desperate to get them out and to mi, desperate pple will do anything..including lying. I mean, wad would happen if her father is bankrupt, or corrupt, or mayb even a drug abuser? Sometimes i might be too critical and cynical of people but i juz can't help it. The world is rather selfish and i believe most people will do things for their own benefit.

Mi sister though is a more trusting and worthy fren than i am and she'd do anything for her frens. In her eyes, i'm juz a selfish bastard hu has the money and the means to help her fren but dun wanna help. Well, hopefully one day she'll understand mi decision. So she started using her vast contacts and network of frens to try to raise the amount of money for her fren. Of course i tried to dissuade her because i always imagine the worse case scenario. If her fren's father jumped bail, the amount of money they raised would be forfeited and worse of all, all of mi sister's frens parents hu contributed money to the fund will start pointing their fingers at mi. At such a young age, to hold such a responsibility as a guarantor is really not easy man. So many details to iron out.

Anywae, i went to check up the prison service website and read up a bit on bailing procedures and learnt quite alot actually. Like how an accused person can be caught without a warrant and help up to 2 days and if they're not released unconditionally, they'd be charged. Since mi sister's fren's father has been in there for like 7 days liao, i deduce tt he must have been charged and therefore require bail. Next, to pay for the bail, cash is not necessarily needed. Ok here's the info i copied from the website.

When Police bail is offered, the person arrested can contact a bailor. The bailor must be either a Singapore citizen or permanent resident, and more than 21 years old.
The bailor will have to satisfy the Police that he is suitable to provide bail. A bailor may show his ability to stand bail by depositing cash, or producing fixed deposit certificates, bank passbooks, car log books, title deeds to a property, share certificates or other valuables. A bailor should also bring along his NRIC as proof of identity.
If the amount of bail exceeds $10,000, a company or a business may stand as bailor. The company's stamp will be needed. The authorised signatory of the company will have to sign the documents.

Ok now comes the part tt i'm irritated wif. I'm bothered by the kind of emotional torture this issue has brought mi. In mi mind, i can't stop playing the vivid images of having mi own family members in prison, lonely. And of course i still feel a pang of guilt for not helping to like bail her father out. The sight of her crying in desperation is still etched in mi mind and it's torturing mi whenever i'm not doing anything tt can keep mi mind off. This is the consequence of being mature. Not bragging here. The grave consequences.

And of course life is always full of regrets. Some big, some small depending on the context and of course depending on the types of choices we make. We cannot see the future, yet we're always required to make sensible choices. I've a few regrets in mi life and the one tt i'm gonna talk about is the biggest if not most serious regret i have in mi life. Y issit the most serious? Because it has nothing to do wif mi. All i made was mayb 1 wrong choice, and that person might not have a more fulfilled life than designated.

I've always believed in mi choices and decisions. But to cause someone's life to screw up is really really bad. Right now, i can't really see tt person's future and i juz really really hope tt she'll be able to do well and strive to achieve the best in her life. Y do i feel tt bad? You see, if i made a wrong choice for miself, of course i'd still regret but i can tell miself tt i chose tt path miself and i can blame no one. But to make a wrong choice for another person, she'd regret she did not stand up more for her decision, and will be left to wonder wad her future will be like.

Standing in mi shoes, i can understand how parents feel. From young, they've been our mentor, guardian, parent, teacher, role model etcetc. And they'd need to constantly make decisions. Should they send us for piano courses? For art courses? For sports courses? Each one of which would have a deep impact on us. How much time to spend wif us revising? Work or spending time wif child? Parents have to continuously juggle both the role of a worker in the office, the parents to their children and the spouse to each other. Each one demands time from them. And a lack of time spent wif children will sometimes lead to delinquency in kids.

Ok i tynk i'm talking nonsense liao but i juz feel that our parents would constantly feel haunted by the choices they made for us. Because these choices very much often help to determine our destiny.

OKOK i give up..i'm really not making sense anymore. I juz hope i'll be able to forgive miself of the wrong choice i made. So people, tynk twice whenever u make choices and decisions for pple. It could change their entire destiny. Oh ya and remember to treasure ur parents to. Filial Piety is the most important trait one shld have. Otherwise no matter how successful you are or will be, to mi u're juz garbage. So go and love your parents and spend more time wif them. Dun wait till it's too late.

2006-04-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

hmmm...juz realised tt i'm really quite a petty guy and i will seldom voice out how i feel and this will result in mi being more fed-up and angry. Tell-tale signs are easy for pple hu knoe mi. Anywae, i must say tt i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really............

Can't take criticism at all. Especially sharp criticism. It juz frustrates mi at times and i can't get it off mi chest.....................................................................
Stop criticising mi!!! I wun bother u anymore!!!
I'm a petty boy

2006-04-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

I juz reached home from 2 hours of badminton though effective playing time is only about 1 hour..But still, the intensity plus the nil stretching before tt is giving mi aches now...from mi feet to mi calf to mi thighs to mi nice butt everywhere is juz aching man...feels damn comfy to juz lie down on the bed and laze mi night away but no! I've got far more important things to do man. I was alittle late due to the rain but nevertheless juz in time for a little bit of buddy action from weize and shiwei. Lots of laughter and i'm juz not able to concentrate and play to mi ability lar.

In fact, i played quite lousily. Weize's little bro hu is like half mi height came soon and i must say tt he's really really really good for his age man. His drop shots are really really scary and DO NOT, i say again DO NOT underestimate him because he will punish u man. He did punish mi initially wif his smashes and precise shots but i got more and more used to it as i played longer.

Serhwee jh hand weeboon came soon after and we began to play. A pity we had to stop juz when we were juz about warmed up because our time was up. I was glad tt i got a bit of old self back but hopefully, i'll improve more as i start to play wif them week in week out.

Ok, gonna watch brotherhood soon, mi father cried and cried when he watch tt show so i guess, it'll make mi tear a little also. Dunno wad's up wif mi nowadays, crying and tearing for minor reasons. I tynk the tears have stored up there for a long time and really really long a release man...hahaha

byebye have fun

2006-04-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

Juz now i caught campus superstar and i'm really shocked that the contestants are really really really young man. And they have pretty good voices too! A pity theresa din manage to perform her best and the guy managed to bring his performance to a higher level. Out of about 2000 contestants, only 1 is crowned the superstar. Such competition can only force them to improve every week. And those that fail to improve will not be able to get the audience's and judges' vote of support. All the months of hard work man, they've truly gone thru a long journey..

All these only made mi tynk bout the 9 months in ocs that i've walked thru. I've to admit that i've really learnt alot of things from mi stint there. I knew where mi limits lie, and how i performed under tremendous pressure too. I learnt to work wif many different people whose character are world's apart from mine. And of course i made many great frens wif whom i still go out to play dota wif on sat nites every fortnightly.

Actually while watching such shows like american idol 5 or campus superstar, i always never fail to tear a little bit during the elimination phase or the results phase. I can somehow identify wif them because during mi passing out parade in ocs, i've experienced this sudden surge in emotions, when i start to watch mi entire ocs life play right before mi eyes. If only ocs has such elimination system too, where every week, some cadets will go out of course until about half the no. is left. Mayb then will true leaders be bred out of this cruel and unfeeling method.

To all mi frens in uni studying, gd luck to u. study hard and have fun man...

2006-03-31T09:11:00.000-08:00

This was V's introduction from the movie V for Vendetta and i sorta plagiarised it from mi cousin's blog...but she wun scold mi for tt lar...rite cutesy cuzzy???? hahahahaha

"This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-a-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V."

Played badminton and table tennis todae wif ben wayne and tony and i kept on getting trashed by tony in badminton..hai, i really lack the technique and strength to play well already..Need more stamina! Shall go swimming soon, anyone wanna join mi?

2006-03-30T07:22:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! It's been another super long time since i blogged here and i'm juz wondering how come i always wait for a long long while before blogging man. Anywae it's been a long long week and i must first talk about the super duper big blunder between mi and jasmine tt caused quite a big cockup.

Ok suddenly i feel lazy to type out the whole chunk and lazy to copy it from their blogs..so i shan't talk about it rather i'd like to talk about zixu! Finally tt lazy bum offered to drive mi to town to watch munich after mi pestering him countless times and reminding him that all along i've been the one driving him, wasting mi petrol and all the countless dollars from mi cashcard for parking man.

His indecisiveness and latecoming streak almost caused us to miss a bit of the movie but luckily, we managed to get in like 3min before the actual movie started. Munich was quite a thought provoking show. Terrorism was one of the main issues brought up and frankly, i dun quite agree wif the israelis view tt to prove tt they are supreme, they have to do sth, ie kill the palestinians behind the black september thingy. As the story progresses, they managed to kill a few of the ICs, and true enough, the men who took over their positions were more vicious and violent than their predecessors..Quite ironic since the killing was supposed to bring hopefully, more peace to the israelis.

It's amazing how army can give us time off to learn new stuff! Ok lar, more so for mi since i'm like quite slack now. Todae i played table tennis wif ben at the hall and i must say tt now i'm quite hooked and addicted to it. Hopefully, i'll get more training and start to play better. Gonna have a game of badminton wif serhwee weize and shiwei on monday man...looking forward to have a cracking game wif them. It's long since i'd really am able to fully exert miself in badminton i relly look forward to tt day man.

Oh ya, i also learnt abit of html and flash at mi workplace, hopefully i'll be able to apply them and get a nicer blogskin though i prefer to keep it nice and simple like this cute pink colour here. And now stupid jasmine and i are playing the stupid nudging game..ok nothing else liao. Life is quite boring now...PPLE ASK MI OUT!!!!!!!!!

I for Ingenius

2006-03-20T07:43:00.000-08:00

Todae's a monday night and i juz came home from a movie and dinner wif jas. We watched v for vendetta and i have to say that the show exceeded mi expectations by a little bit. Although a little slow moving, the show more than made up wif its plot, action, and some witty conversation that kept mi thoroughly entertained..especially the part in which V starting blabbering a few sentences that contained almost all the words starting wif V. The plot was great and towards the end i almost teared a little but as usual, geniuses dun cry.

Before jas came, i wanted to buy a bottle of mineral water frrom 7-11 and i was shocked when i found the cheapest bottle of 500ml to be $1.70!! It was so crazily expensive man. The other drinks like lemon tea costs like $2? The price really put mi off man. So i decided to control mi thirst until the movie ended and we went to centrepoint's 7-11. And the cheapest bottle there costs like only $1.10. Wad a great difference in price for a bottle of plain water man. Anywae it felt great to meet up wif jas again since it's been years since we went out and i meant it when i said years..

Ok so comms ball was on friday and i'm juz glad that everything went well. Janie went wif mi and her dress was very very nice. Agnes also came wif serhwee. So dinner was not bad although half the dishes were seafood. I promise u guys that if u are ever invited to mi wedding dinner, there would be nooo seafood at all...except for fish man. Argh...can't stand the sight of seafood. Almost everything went well except for the pre-comms ball segment. That day almost became the worst day in mi life man. I managed to reach shangri-la at about 6pm and whe i was parking, i was over-confident and din really checked the left side and got punished by scratching mi car by the pillar, it really hurt mi heart to hurt the car because repair costs aren't tt cheap.

After trying frantically to remove the scratch marks, i only managed to remove the green paint but left some scratch marks there. I was still quite early at about 6.10pm although at 6pm, the programme shld have started. I was lucky. I met shiwei, hu questioned mi where the buttons on mi no.2 were and i looked at him wif horror man..Because i realised that i forgot to take out the buttons from mi no.1 and transfer it to mi no.2!! I was in a fluster and rushed home immediately man. Thankfully, i stayed relatively near to orchard and was rather familiar wif the way home. Managed to reached shangri-la before 7pm and the official programme only started at 7+..damn lucky man...
serhwee agnes janie genius
Ok i guess tt summed up these 3 days pretty much for mi..cya soon

2006-03-17T02:36:00.000-08:00

Hi guys it's been a week and well, the week went well with mi meeting mi new colleagues and all and i juz realised that my upper study wayne was actually the ex president of the student council when i was still in sajc. Speaking of which, i'm currently listening to the sajc school song and i must say that after 3 years, i still can remember the tune of this song so well. A truly endearing and lovely song..

It's wierd but all the free time that i have have made mi melancholic. Outside i seem cheerful and hapyp and all, but inside i juz kept tynking abt many things and i really cannot concentrate at all!! I juz hope that day would go by quickly and i can carry on wif mi life and heck care abt everything liao.

Sometimes i really want to heck care about alot of things but i can't let go and that is seriously mi big weakness and everything else in the world juz adds on to this bad feeling and it's juz building and growing bigger and bigger in mi heart until now i start to feel abit repulsed and oppressed and i feel that soon i'll let go of everything. Feeling incredibly restless these days and i juz hope i can get down to work proper. Work keeps mi mind busy at least, i need something to occupy mi and to keep mi busy.

Anw, i recently read the 5 pple u meet in heaven during mi free time and i must say that it's a gd and decent book. It's an interesting read that i'd recommend. It's actually one of those books that managed to make mi feel a little bit touched and tynk about all the people tt i've come into contact wif. People whom i've loved, people whom i hate, people i barely even knoe, and people that i juz dun take notice of in everyday life. How all our lives are in 1 way or another intertwined wif each other.

Ever since i entered army, mi heart has began to grow darker and blacker. I've hatred in mi and i've anger in mi. Not only that, i'm stubborn and i've a short fuse when people say unkind things about mi. Sometimes i do admire those cool people who are able to be compose and juz ignore the person because i really lack this ability and somehow i juz can't control mi mouth and vulgarities will juz shoot out of it. Hatred and anger. And somehow, i've also become more proud, not due to mi being a 2nd lieutanent but mi being mi. Proud angry and full of hatred. How does tt sound man??

Mi buddy said tt i'm stubborn and in a way i kinda agree wif him. No matter wad others tynk or wad the majority tynk, if i have an opinion that totally differs from them, i'd almost never take their opinion and instead stick to mi own. I've become more critical of people and in a way bias towards those tt i can't stand. Well, after leaving ocs at least i wun see the well-known cunning fool anymore and i hope tt i'd never ever get to see him because the sight of him juz makes mi blood boil.

He always pretends to be ur fren and try to add fuel to the fire whenever u have a dispute wif another person but at the end of the day, he will backstab by badmouthing u in front of others too. I really hate such people man.

Ok anywae, i'm juz typing wadever i feel like saying and there's no particular order.

2LT genius

2006-03-11T05:50:00.000-08:00

finally the day has arrived..the day i commissioned as a 2lt of the saf. Well, for the whole of 2 weeks i have been looking forward to this day so much and it has finally come..haha i must thank all mi frens for making the effort to come so early..it's mi fault lar i'm too kj spider man...coz i forgot tt our cohort is such a small cohort that confirm got seats even though alot more pple come. Must thank zixu val seok jas binh fiona agnes norman my 2 sisters regina and natalie and of course my parents.

Firstly, although i'm veh happy that mi frens came, i'm quite disappointed in our own performance as in we din manage to put up a super gd parade as compared to the 2 rehearsals the previous days. The crowd was subdued and i was rather sad lar. It was only during the slow march when out of the corner of mi eye i saw mi family, fiona agnes norman, and val seok zixu binh that i can't help it but smile to miself. Such great frens i have, coming to support mi on this day.

Well, many will feel that this day is unforgettable, but i guess in mi memory, the only thing unforgettable about this day is the appearance of mi frens etc, there's no satisfaction from doing the parade well. Guess i expected and anticipated too much man. Okok enough bout the sad parts, so took photos wif mi frens and even met mi upper studies. Haha guess i'll be reporting there on wednesday. Start of a new life man...

I shall stop here and post some photos now
My dear family who has always given mi support!

Mi group of frens from nj!! jas zixu binh seok and val..love u guys!!

Fiona agnes mi and norman..haha thank u guys too for making the effort to come...

I guess i'm too much of a perfectionist but i feel that the band really sucked alot, really deplete our morale todae man..aiya nvm it's over i dun wanna harp on it anymore...haha

Thx guys once again for coming

Mini S08 class outing..not really mini about almost half the class here...haha

2006-03-05T01:40:00.000-08:00

Hey guys!! It's been a long long week and i'm juz glad that i have some time to rest before another horrendous week of marching. It's juz 1 more week to the actual commissioning parade and as of today i've managed to ask a few of my friends along..haha hope to take pics with them and share this special moment with them.

The last week has been horrible with us marching everyday under the hot sun. It resulted in me having sunburns and worse still, my lips became super chapped and cracked like anything. But i must say that the SSM or sch sergeant major who is in charge of training us for this commissioning parade is very nice to us. Although he is strict and demands standards, he actually cares for us alot and always say lotsa farni stuff although he likes to curse also lar...

"Bloody swine", " sea-flying cockroach" are some of his favourites but his best was when he kept calling us shitheads and that most of us have psychosis. And his definition of psychosis is the sudden rush of shit to the head. Haha it's seriously damn farni lar..Too bad he's going for some course and wun be able to take us next week. I'm afraid our standards would drop because i believe there's no better guy to take us for rehearsals..

Ok anywae on friday we had our ACPC which stands for appointment certificate presentation ceremony. A brigadier general came to present us with our certificates and our swords. Well, we rehearsed for hours but in the end the whole sequence of receiving the sword changed and as a result many pple did it wrongly but nevertheless it was a success. And we had a formal dining-in after that which was a formal dinner. It's quite absurb to be whispering throughout the dinner or to be uber quiet so i juz heck care and continued to talk. I mean common sense should prevail wad. Where got have formal dinner with minimal talking?? Then there's no point in the dinner because all we are learning is how to eat properly and not the entire dining etiquette.

2006-02-25T12:21:00.000-08:00

Heyhey long time no see...haha 2 weeks left to commission man and the marching rehearsals has finally started wif todae being the first day..it was super duper tiring but i guess on the day of commissioning, at least i'd feel proud that i'd put up a good parade wif the rest. 36 weeks have passed by and now 2 weeks left..actually i got lotsa things to say but dun feel like saying now...anywae...

Arena

(known to self and others)

cheerful, extroverted, observant

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

adaptable, bold, caring, complex, confident, dependable, energetic, friendly, helpful, idealistic, independent, kind, mature, proud, religious, searching, sentimental, silly, spontaneous, tense, trustworthy

Façade

(known only to self)

ingenious, self-assertive

Unknown

(known to nobody)

able, accepting, brave, calm, clever, dignified, giving, happy, intelligent, introverted, knowledgeable, logical, loving, modest, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, quiet, reflective, relaxed, responsive, self-conscious, sensible, shy, sympathetic, warm, wise, witty

Dominant Traits

72% of people think that hellsquall is caring
63% of people agree that hellsquall is extroverted
63% of people think that hellsquall is friendly

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (18%) bold (18%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (72%) cheerful (18%) clever (0%) complex (18%) confident (18%) dependable (9%) dignified (0%) energetic (9%) extroverted (63%) friendly (63%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (9%) idealistic (27%) independent (27%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (0%) introverted (0%) kind (9%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (0%) mature (9%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (36%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (9%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (36%) responsive (0%) searching (18%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (18%) shy (0%) silly (27%) spontaneous (18%) sympathetic (0%) tense (9%) trustworthy (18%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 25.2.2006, using data from 11 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view http://kevan.org/johari?view=hellsquall for hellsquall's full data.

More and more fun!! i din knoe i was caring man...this is new...thx everyone for doing!!

2006-02-18T12:08:00.000-08:00

Slept the whole day today and juz woke up likw 2 hours ago?? Missed lotsa programmes man..sian..nvm i tynk i needed the rest. Anywae went out wif wentong the other day after bravo wing's cohesion day at sentosa. As expected mi platoon won the overall challenge and got for ourselves the grand prize of $300 worth of swenson's voucher! I guess mi platoon's gonna have an ice cream outing soon! haha and yeap back to wentong, it's been 3 years since i met her and it was quite pleasant to meet her again.

The first thing that struck mi was that she really changed alot. She became more confident and more extroverted. Maybe it's due to her being set free once leaving rv for sajc. We had dinner at a jap restaurant in suntec and i was quite pleased because the set meal cost only bout $7 with free flow of ice peach tea! Super worth it. We talked alot in that restaurant cause i wanted to make full use of the free flow of drinks..haha smart or wad? Anywae she had a curfew so no choice, must leave otherwise i can probably continue sipping ice peach tea till late at night. So we left suntec to head for a bus stop wif bus 190.

From that point i decided to show her tt country bumpkin around the city hall area which is mi favourite place in s'pore. Brought her to the esplanade then to esplanade park via outdoors since she and i hated crowded indoors. Walked a huge round but i din regret it and i'm sure she also didn't because we get to enjoy the wonderful night walking with a cool breeze. Ok lar i dun wanna say so much liao lazy juz that we managed to take a few pics along the way but somehow only a few turned out well which is quite sad. Nonetheless it was quite fun because i was trying to tiptoe to look taller than her which resulted in a corny picture...

Told u cityhall has nice lights..anywae i like the lighting and this is not the corny photo that i was talking about..haha but this was one of the nicer pics liao..so can u imagine how sad i am?!?!? haha ok enough liao..

2006-02-16T12:16:00.000-08:00

heh heh!! help mi do this!!!

click HERE!http://kevan.org/johari?name=hellsquall

2006-02-05T03:59:00.000-08:00

2006-02-04T20:17:00.000-08:00

Another few days have passed and i juz feel more and more sad with situations at home. For some of my friends, u all might know that my mum has injured her back quite badly. This time, my dad also became sick already. He juz suffered another epilepsy attack on fri and a passer-by had a call an ambulance after my father collapsed. He's feeling much better now after some rest. Recently he's been taking on quite a few projects and also he worries alot for mi mum and housework etc..Inevitably he suffered another attack. It's been years since he had an attack man..Can tell how stressed my father is.

Hopefully after i commission i really get a staff job that is 8-5 man..so i can try to lift some burden of housework from mi parents. My sisters are already trying their best but both of them are still studying and i dun want them to affect their studies too. I also dun want them to abandon their childhood so quickly to embrace full responsilibity and maturity. I believe that everyone will mature in their own time.

Of course the situation is not tt grim lar,it's juz that they are my parents and of course i love my parents alot and dun want anything bad to happen to them. It's ony natural that i feel sad rite?? Anywae i'll update more later take care all

2006-02-04T04:59:00.000-08:00

Monkey face norman genius nick and moley fiona
Using handphones together! cool rite

Back from training this week and juz wanna say that i took a few pics wif fiona and norman on cny's eve. Not bad lar now hearing stupid norman sing song...haha lousy...

2006-01-31T20:53:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! It's been a long break and i really really am sorry for not updating here at all! It's not really mi fault because mi com chose to spoil when i come back from thailand and so i dun have any chance to update mi blog. Chinese New Year is over once again and this year i'd be turning big fat 20 man..feels old suddenly. Well, some stuff happened at home and i'm quite sad and worried but hopefully it'll turn out fine eventually.

Thailand turned out to be quite fine without any real rush and with lotsa time for canteen breaks and lan session for mi friends. The food there's real cheap and we ate zu2 cao3 everytime we're there...really superb about S$4/pax is enough to make u eat till u puke..There's also a transvestite there who goes by the name of Jenny, real farni, he/she's so big size man...wif long blond hair...u can imagine..scary...bu nan bu nu..

Enough of army, now back to civilian lifestyle!! I bought quite alot of clothes from thailand and they're real cheap i wanna go back there soon for shopping!! I bought miself a red esprit wallet too and on hindsight, i din regret it although many of mi frens tot it to be gay..i tot tt it was quite nice! haha and not to forget the pirated ray ban shades to act cool while driving! Shioks!

Once back in singapore, i also couldn't resist the lure of the movie theatres and of my dear sayuri and little chiyo calling mi to see them in action...lemme show u mi dear sayuri and little chiyo man...dun drool man..they're mine!!

This is my dear sayuri nitta...haha

And this is mi cute little chiyo...haha i love their eyes man..

So this 2 girls has managed to steal mi away from emma watson...bravo man! haha anywae i went to watch this show on friday night with the great tyr at causeway point, we caught the 12.10am show. Of course i drove her there and back and made a few u-turns along the way coz i wasn't really sure how to get there YET. But now i knoe liao..no more errors! The place was quite deserted and compared to dear old orchard road i kinda enjoy the ambience at causeway pt because i'm claustophobic. The show was quite nice but sometimes i really laugh at the simple english used by the actresses and actors..hahaha

And on new year's eve i went out wif norman and fiona, the stupid agnes bangseh-ed us once again...hahahaha so wasted missed out on norman's treat...i hope u oso miss the outing where it's mi turn to treat...hahahaha we walked around looking for stuff to buy, try on clothes etc but it's a pity..all the shops decided to close early since it's chinese new year's eve...we took quite a few shots in the heeren and u shld see norman's spastic face in those pictures man..hope to get it soon..

New year this year was the same as every other year. We visited, collected ang pow, exchanged oranges, played winning eleven, played mahjong etcetc etc it's becoming repetitive already and mi family have this tradition of lou1 hei2 or lau1 yu2 sheng1, the raw fish thingy. I tynk this tradition will die off wif the new generation because we dun relly enjoy it and i dun eat it and it has a farni smell man..but well, to see a tradition dying off is really quite sad, mayb i'll try to preserve it man..

2006-01-03T03:17:00.000-08:00

Taken at social nite..the genius nick and ms yue yiao mi date.............

hello everyone!! i've decided to type some stuff here finally...ok anywae ocs social nite was over and i asked yue yiao along as mi date aka lady friend lar...social nite was not bad quite well organised although some of the games were super duper boring man and i had to resort to entertaining miself wif mi own comments ar..But not bad lar although situation was a little bit awkward, but the people at mi table were fun to begin wif and generally had quite a lot of laughs..those jokers..

Christmas class gathering at zixu's place..i'm too lazy to centralise this

Ok i must apologise to mi frens hu did not receive mi presents last year even though i promised them. Sorry zixu and jasmine!! I haven't even begun doing ur present but i promise i'll get it done when i'm back...haha forgive mi kk?? And to val thx for the cookies man..they were nice although it's pirated one...i was cheated lor..i tot u did the whole cookie urself but...hehe it's ok as long as u knoe i knoe can liao...argh!! I feel so bad not even giving u a christmas card!! Thx for putting in so much effort to decorate everything, i tried mi best to leave everything in place after eating th ecookies..The cookies are for eating not for display rite?? oops..

My pw group!!!! Genius whitemeat slavedriver and sickening slacker turtle

Next to all the people that i've not sent mi christmas or happy new year greetings...
I'M SORRY^99999999999999999999
Next time perhaps....

Wenjun and I...haha went to watch perhaps love tt day...

Today i almost lost to myself..for the past few days i've began brooding again and i almost lost the battle of commitment i was supposed to keep. I so wanted to blurt it all out of course not literally by thru a very sweet and touching way lar of course...haha but when i was queueing up about to pay for mi materials...i suddenly had a change of mind ( not heart because mi heart wants to do it ) and juz left the materials by one side and left the shop...and i heaved a huge sigh of relief after tt...i won the small war this time...

This is d'euqilco! We took this on the day we watched harry potter GOF

Hmmm, when does ur childhood end?? I've began tynking about this eversince i realised tt i'll be turning 20 in a few months..end of mi teenhood! uper duper old already lar...but anywae i believe that mi childhood was until 16 only...which is till the end of sec4. All i knoe was that in jc i've changed quite alot probably owing to the matured company of zixu jas binh val seok eunike xinru...hmmm...i kinda miss the times man!

Now at 19, i've lost contact wif a few of them due to conflicting schedules and sometimes due to some things within us that's changed instead.

And yeap juz went to dawn prayer wif mi cell group yesterday and we went for breakfast together after tt. Prayer was good but difficult guess i got long way to go man. Must get mi spiritual life back on track! Ya breakfast was lousy at delifrance, serving so small like feeding dwarfs liddat..but the time spent was good! Got to knoe them better especially the pple tt joined after i enlisted in army! I miss all of them man...

My cell group!! the one behind mi is ah ma...still dun wanna centralise it!!!!

Ok new year resolutions now...

1)Make those damn presents for mi frens...
2)develop the 300+ photos tt i have!! It's been dragged so long liao...
3)go to fiona's hse for cny and play the same trick i played on norman last year again
4)go to cg more often if i can
5)grow taller by 2cm...grrrrrrrr
6)continue to fight the battle like a hunk
7)survive thailand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8)no more accidents!! drive like the genius i am!!

Pearleen janie genius and the great tyr!!!!!!!!!!! haha quite a nice pic i tot..

Tt's all so far...i'll be leaving for thailand on the lousy tiger airways in like 3 hours...so well...for people still wanting to reach mi overseas and not pay a single cent via sms...visit the link below!
http://home.singtel.com/consumer/msg_center/internet_sms.asp
Or u can go to www.singnet.com.sg and click internet sms to sms mi!! I'll gladly read thru them man...juz send man!! U all better send i tell u...and pls put ur name at the bottom so i knoe hu sent it...

Oh! And i juz realised tt can upload photos direct from mi com liao..haha suaku rite?? haha

2005-12-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

Woo, long time since i typed anything here once again. I tend to take long blog breaks because i juz dunnoe how to start an entry man..haha wierd rite? I juz finished watching Princess mononoke( i hoped i spelt it correctly). It's a japanese anime which was very beautiful, i suspect it's from the director of spirited away. The plot was not bad, the music was great and the visuals were stunning. I especially liked the development of the 2 characters and somehow i juz feel so touched by their feelings for one another. It's not one of those outward display but rather, the feelings they have within themselves, those inner thingy.

Well, at least i was lucky i managed to find this temporary warmth...i'm juz talking nonsense dun mind mi

2005-12-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

Juz gonna post some random thoughts here. A few days ago mi platoon had a discussion to come up wif some mission statement for our next overseas exercise. Some of mi platoon mates suggested that we act more like real platoon commanders esp during combat situations and etcetc. Of course being the ever pragmatic and practical person, i said that we can never be like real platoon commanders in combat situation because firstly, we are not in an active combat unit and have never taken real man b4. Secondly, we do not haf the experience because most of us only get to be exercise pcs once during our whole ocs term and although some might say that we can observe even though we dun hold the appointment but i tynk tt's bullshit. Seeing is never the same as doing. As such, we can never gain the experience needed to be real platoon commanders.

Of course i was shot down, with something about contingency plans etcetc and then the whole discussion suddenly veered towards contingency plans and at tt point i can't relly be bothered to say much anymore because i tynk no one was prepared to hear wad i haf to say anywae. It's not that i disagree wif them totally. Of course i agree that as appointment holders, we haf to be one 'up' than the rest. To haf contingencies, to go back to basics etc. But to be able to command a platoon well and adapt super well to the limitless possibilities, i tynk that's beyond a normal cadet for now. Of course it's not impossible, there can be exceptional cadets who can do that but like i said, exceptional and quick thinking on the ground, skills that require years of experience to form. Since only exceptional cadets can do it, then y make it a platoon mission?

Anywae, i toked to mi buddy and he finally managed to convince mi that it's juz a war of words. On the ground itself, everyone will put in their best. Like wad he says, everyone can talk until the cow comes home but ultimately everyone will do their best.

And another issue about officers acting like one. I dun tynk i'm quite fit to be an officer because i dun tynk i am able to pretend and act like one. I dun believe in pretending, i believe in being miself and i dun relly care wad others tynk. Of course i'm matured enough to warrant when to be serious and when to play but still i dun like this image and facade thing. It's like being an officer is the ultimate cool shit in this world. Sure, 27 lives are in mi hands, more responsibility etc but wad has there got to do wif acting like an officer? So wad if the 27 men look up to u, does that mean that u must be serious 24/7 no talking in file etc all the regimental crap that i can't stand? Crap. I believe that no matter whether u're slack or serious, as long as u haf the capability and the standard, the men will still respect u, there's no need to put on airs and act like some bigshot.

I juz watched perhaps love with wenjun and i must say that it's quite a good chinese show. Interesting way of directing and of course the actress was good. I have been tynking about some relationship stuff lately and i somehow manage to convince miself of a theory. I feel that no matter how long u wait for a person, as long as it's a one-sided relationship, the chance of the couple getting together is virtually zero. Tynk about it, if u're close friends wif someone for 3-4 years, and yet it's a one-sided affair, eg u like him/her but the feelings aren't reciprocated, no matter how long u wait, how u manage to touch her wif ur sincerity and patience, she/he'll nv be able to reciprocate ur feelings. It means that the friendship is purely platonic and though she really really likes u and respects u, the x-factor that makes them interested in u is juz not present and over time, this will nv ever change. U'll simply remain as friends. Hopefully mi theory is wrong man..ha

2005-12-04T04:33:00.000-08:00

Long time since i typed anything here and well..i juz got into a minor accident. And again zixu's wif mi! haha ominous lor..anywae this minor accident yielded no casualties nor injuries nor damage to public property. However, it left scratches on mi car and on the other guy's car. Well, that guy kept insisting tt it was my fault and initially, i was like scared stiff, can't tynk clearly and juz blanked out lar. So afraid till the extent tt i relly thought that it's my fault.

But luckily zixu was there to guide mi and of course mi parents who were communicating wif mi thru the phone. He prepared a statement, claiming that i was fully responsible for the accident which zixu strongly advised mi against signing and i guess i haf to thank him for that because at that moment, i was juz tynking of the future consequences and still utterly traumatised by wad happened. My parents also came as soon as possible and really thank God for that because the moment they came, they immediately made a decision and that guy can't 'bully' mi anymore. I was super inexperienced man but this accident though traumatising has since taught mi to be more careful when i drive.

Although the implications were serious, but at least like i said, no one involved were injured and no public property was damaged otherwise things would haf gotten more complicated. Well, i juz feel quite bad for zixu that he has to go thru a 2nd traumatising experience though he was so calm throughout the whole ordeal. And of course mi parents for not being pissed wif mi but rather seeing from a more positive note,

I'm still scared man...

2005-11-06T05:22:00.000-08:00

ehhh...i'm leaving for brunei soon!! can't believe it the whole week juz breezed past mi...anywae..i'm running a slight fever now..hope i can recover soon man...now i juz can't wait to be back in singapore on the 22 nov...to pple out there...if u haf time u can send mi free internet sms but remember to state ur name!! i'll be glad to listen to about ur stories in these weeks...take care now and gd luck to those taking a lvls and o lvls...dun miss mi too much ...

2005-11-06T03:53:00.000-08:00

The day has arrived!! I can't believe it man but i'm going to brunei for 16 days already..will be back on the 22nov at bout 7+am..ok anywae i'm super duper suay man...i woke up todae feeling a little bit weak and drowsy man..and as the day went by began to feel quite hot man..tynk i got a bit of fever already. Well, hopefully it goes away fast coz ex chindit 1 which is the 4 day 3 night uncontrolled navigation in the jungle is coming soon...

hmmm...i need postcards man..pple going to movie theatres remember to take lotsa postcards for mi...i'll update more later b4 i leave..now veh dizzy..

2005-11-05T04:20:00.000-08:00

It's long since i last blogged and i relly feel much better man..oh man i really wasted mi whole week of freedom!! But alas, freedom doesn't last and tml midnight, i'll be flying off to beloved brunei to tour the jungles and the mountains. Hopefully i dun run into gigantic spiders, scorpions, snakes, leeches or any other kinda of nonsensical creepy crawlies they have there. Scary man...

Anywae, mi msn nick had been ' i wanna go out i wanna go out i wanna go out!!!' for a few days already...haha and i only went out a few times..once was with zixu who saw mi nick and we went to watch the dumb show called 40 year old virgin and trust mi, it's quite dumb and worse still, we got front row seats but well, i din relly mind since i was desperate to go out!! Sometimes i wonder y i'm so lazy to juz go out alone on mi own...

And todae, i went out again, this time wif mi long time movie buddy elsa but this time we din watch any shows..it's been long since i last caught a show wif her man..we juz decided to walk around bugis, actually window shop since she's broke and well, i always haf reluctance to spend money. I bought jay chou's newest cd though and quite cheap too since it's imported from china..it's not bad lar.. Walked to kino and saw a few books that made mi hands itchy...i shall get them some day man..and we also went into this comic shop that sells many many different editions of monopoly! From star wars to lord of the rings to simpsons etcetc...again i felt like buying...but a pity, they do not haf the lotr edition for RISK. I'd love to get mi hands on tt ar...christmas is coming..haha...

hmmm..i'm faced wif quite a dilemna now..because i dunnoe if i shld continue or try to forget and go for someone else...but it's hard to find anyone better than her..well i'll juz try mi luck and see man!

My dog juz came back from the vet and they said that she has alot of white blood cells in her body..the dog's goldie mi female golden and labrador retriever mix. We first got her when i was in pri 5..tt's 8 years already..mi dog has aged...hai..looks like she wun get to live till i'm in mi late 20s and it pains mi to see her so inactive and sometimes even skipping meals altogether..Soon we'll haf to make a choice, to put her to sleep, or to let her continue living..it's times like this that really pains mi and mi family man..afterall this dog has been wif us for so long..such a good dog..

2005-10-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

As i said, i'll be updating mi blog..and gosh, 3 weeks have flown by and i actually have not touched this blog for 3 whole weeks. How fast time flies. Many things have happened in the last few weeks but i shall touch on the main event tt happened this week. On wednesday, we took a helicopter from lam kiong, somewhere in jurong near tuas 2nd link, to yishun!! The entire duration of the flight was about 10min and we flew along the perimeters of singapore, such that we can actually see malaysia and yet still be in singapore's territory..The view was magnificent and breathtaking..i guess it's one of the things in life that pple seldom get to experience especially the gers...haha

Actually i have many things to say, but i juz dunnoe how to express miself. I feel quite disappointed wif miself in a few ways. The things i did, the things i said, as well as the mistakes i made. Of course i'm also upset by the way some things turned out for mi family and well, i juz hope i could turn back time. And i tynk this time i'm hurt quite deeply by all these factors. For the past 3 weeks, i've been unable to sleep well at night. My buddy has caught mi sleep talking. And i realised tt i grind mi teeth alot because every morning mi mouth hurts like hell. I know all these is no excuse but it has really made mi more short tempered and easily angered. The problem with mi is that i'm unable to seek closure for the mistakes i made. I'm unable to forgive miself and everytime i get reminded of all these mistakes, i'll reprimand miself again and again such that i'm torturing mi heart and mi soul.

I hope i relly could change the way things were.

2005-10-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

Your Power Color Is Indigo

At Your Highest:
You are on a fast track to success - and others believe in you.
At Your Lowest:
You require a lot of attention and praise.
In Love:
You see people as how you want them to be, not as how they are.
How You're Attractive:
You're dramatic flair makes others see you as mysterious and romantic.
Your Eternal Question:
"Does This Work Into My Future Plans?"

What's" Your Power Color?

Juz testing...shall update later..now at zixu's hse wif binh....

2005-10-14T21:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted an entry for 2 weeks already!! In a way, i'm like zixu, penning down the memories and thoughts tt i have in a diary but i dun tynk i'll be able to type all of them out since mi entry is based on a daily basis. Moreover, each entry is incredibly long and i'm lazy to type out everything. Why a diary now? I realised that blogging once a week is not feasible coz i'll easily forget the things i did(sometimes) and the things i think about or muse like wad zixu said. In order to prevent tt i've got miself a diary!! It's not relly private as in pple closer to mi can ask from mi to read it.

Anywae, i'll juz tok about yesterday, when we completed our exercise dump-in. I juz felt that it was kinda dumb to lose to many items lar...We were dumb lar. We almost lost a saw gas regulator and a magazine and an et blade and stick...and we lost a HELMET when we unboard the bus back at ocs. I mean much as i dun wanna criticise the fella because he has been given enough punishment, i can't help it but find it extremely 'amusing' and extremely 'disturbed' that the helmet was not brought down the bus! I mean it's like our own personal responsibility. But then again, each of us have out own flaws and criticise as i like, when i'm tt shag from almost 40 hours of no sleep, i juz can't help feeling ranting...

Especially when the intructors were feeling itchy and punished us for those mistakes we made. I felt the helmet thing was the final straw after this disastrous exercise and it serve as a catalyst for the intructors' wrath...we did so many alternate leg thrusts after some pushups and crunches that at the end of it i can't relly feel mi legs anymore. It was first 50 counts of 4 of alternate leg thrusts but at 30 counts lieutanent fadhil said we did like shit and gave us another 50 counts of 4...so we did 80 counts of 4...u pple shld try it man...crazy feeling. Normally we wun feel tt tired, but hello...At the end of the week, where we had 10km et run, 10km fast march and 40 hours of no sleep, how can we not feel tired man...

But relly, the onus is on us to prove the intructors wrong. Mi take is that our instructors have been soooooooooo fair and good to us thus far. Giving us welfare, helping us understand, and wad we return is certainly not good enough i feel. We always want to better our standards, but somehow always face some farni adversities like this losing of equipment, and then the instrctors will be disappointed again. Well i dunnoe wad to say anymore...

This bookout is extremely short, because i only have about 5 more hours at home...before booking in because i have an exercise tomolo...exercise hunter it's called. It's a close terrain navigation exercise and i hope we wun cock up like today anymore...haha

2005-09-25T03:06:00.000-07:00

Block leave has ended...sigh..end of everything!! haha well This is the start of Pro term man and 20+ more weeks to go!! Can't wait for it all to end...for the past few days, i've been bumming around...going out wif so many different friends and well, hopefully i've spent enough time with you guys. I've spent alot of money too, and i also drove alot too..wasting lotsa petrol man...feeling damn guilty since i'm not the spendthrift type...in addition..i'm aghast by something horrible that happened and so in light of all this..i've decided to ban miself from driving out for 3 weeks unless super necessary and if possible, not to eat at places where food is too ex and not to spend so much money...

Anywae, i went for a missions talk juz now and i was quite touched during the presentation of phillipines and myanmar...the things the people and children go thru there juz to survive is remarkable man...the sufferings they go thru, living on rubbish..And here I am, the biggest sinner of all, juz complaining and whining about mi present state of condition in the army. Mi suffering is minute compared to the others. Sometimes i feel i've done injustice to the people around mi man...

Everytime someone asks mi how's life. Mi answer is quite simple. Either sian, or sucks, or tired...when have i ever replied wif a smile saying wad a blessing mi week has been...wierd, i tynk i'm sooo pampered in the past that i fail to see that everyday, i'm being blessed wif frens in army, wif gd friends outside and of course good training. Sometimes, i have to be more reflective instead of complaining all the time. From now on, i'll ENJOY all mi training and mi last few weeks in ocs. I'll cheerfully countdown till the day i commission man...and after that, by God's grace, i will be a good officer.

2005-09-21T18:43:00.000-07:00

Finally!!! it's BLOCK LEAVE!! Which means i'm free from todae thursday till sunday night and the feeling of juz resting at home is fantabulous man!! It's been awhile since i've relly penned down mi thoughts about certain issues and i guess it's time to record them down lest i forget them as i did in the past few months.

Life as an officer cadet is sure tough but the pride and jubilation that i have as a Bravo cadet is there. We marched 23km on tuesday night and it was supposed to end on wednesday with the parade presenting us our third white bar on elephant hill at around 5+am on wednesday. This white bar signifies us becoming senior cadets in ocs and also the start of our Pro term as infantry commanders. The 23km march meanwhile was catered to signify the long road ahead of us before we get commissioned. We successfully completed the march wif jianhong zherui russell and many others continuously singing, even those cartoon shows like captain planet!! haha those were crazy times because those moments to me happened in a blur. Btw, jianhong's captain planet rap was fantastic.

However, we did not manage to get up elephant hill for our parade because another group of people booked the hill for an Exercise and it had greater precedence over a parade. And so the Echo guys took a tonner back to camp, because they as conducting for the whole cohort, only indented tonners for themselves. So in the end, Bravo, marched back to C for our parade. Hence the pride i feel. Other than that, training under lieutanent kal also made mi have more pride in the things i do, be it area cleaning, or the standard of our packing of field packs. He set an impossible standard to reach. But even when we fail to reach that impossible target, the standard we set is still higher than the other platoons...

Pride in the things we do. Sometimes i feel quite pissed that people fall in late after lunch. The fact that the same people always fall in late makes mi even angrier because dun they ever learn? The whole platoon has to wait for them..selfish people. But on a personal level, they are quite nice and farni people. Conflicting views i have of them. We got back our peer appraisal and i must say that the gd points i have of mi is relly too flattering. I dun tynk i help out as much as many others like jianhong yanda or russell. I feel that they are the real heroes of the platoons.

For yanda, always the first to volunteer for anything and always without grudge nor complaint. For jianhong, always daring to do wad others do not dare to. All the SHIT work he has got to do and it's relly shitty. He has to clean off the SHIT stains on the toilet bowls because those inconsiderate people juz left the stains there and most of us do not haf the moral courage to take a brush and scrub it off. Russell, also always one of the few to volunteer and he is really selfless in everything he does. This 3 i deeply respect. I do volunteer to do things, but sometimes i will complain and make some noise about selfish people. And i do not have the courage to do the things that jianhong does and i'm not totally selfless.

The points to improve though are quite expected. Some said i was quite annoying at times due to mi comments i guess. They said that i'm very straightforward and at times can have an abrasive effect on people. Also i tend to push for mi ideas and sometimes overlook others. Above all that, they said i shld listen more to the appointment holders instead of always voicing out mi own opinions to them.And during mi leadership position, i shld be less stressful and be more able to delicate tasks to people as well as speak up more to the platoon. Does all this sound familiar?? Well, i guess i shld change a little. I shall try to be less annoying wif mi comments. And i will try to minimise voicing out mi opinions to appointment holders and also to listen to other's ideas. But for the straightforward part, i guess it's gonna stay, because i'm juz being honest and sometimes, there's no need for tact.

And during mi leadership position, i guess everyone has to knoe that it's not that i'm not able to delicate tasts or speak up more. I agree that compared to the current appointment holders i fall wide short of standard. But there are so many reasons that people overlook. The most important of which is me being new in ocs. It was mi first day there when i got chosen to be the CPS. I've no clue wad mi tasks are, no clue how to get to places and more imporatantly, i dun relly knoe anyone from the platoon. Having support from people you knoe is key for a leader. Afterall, a leader is not a lone ranger. He is a man, respected and supported by many man around him. That's mi definition of a leader. Moreover, i believe in servant leadership. As in i will only pass down tasks for people tp do only if i myself have the capability to do it.

The only reason why the appointment holders are doing better now i guess is due to the familiarity wif the role. Afterall, it's been 8 weeks and if u ask mi to do the job again, haha, i hope i'll be able to do it well to account for mi lousy showing the first time. But well, peer appraisal is 1 thing, but knowing urself is another.

About love, sometimes like jianhong says, it's good to have someone in mind, because that person keeps you going. It's been some time since i dwell on this topic and for the past few weeks, i've been daydreaming quite alot. A pity i do not have any forms of photos of her or else i can paste it in mi bunk. I've also been wondering, to say or not to say? For 1, i'm afraid it will ruin mi friendship, but then again, if i shld not say, i'm unable to move on. Because after soooooo long, i still do not have a direct answer although i do get flashes of indirect hints from the indirect questions that i ask. Well, i guess i'll juz continue daydreaming for the moment. This issue has always been a dilemna, to say or not to say...eh zixu??

But anywae, the word love is still damn mushy..i prefer the word like. Maybe after so many years i have still not matured in mi thoughts yet. Oh anywae, that ger has fulfilled the 1 basic requirement. The rest, i tynk she exceeds all requirements. Fantastic person. One who has my utmost respect. But up till now, i still have not figured out the reason y i like her so much.

Tonight i will be going for mi bravo social night and again there'll be boozing...i juz hope to take advantage of the free flow soft drinks man...haha but dun worry, i dun drink beer and neither am i an alcoholic. I'm a non-drinker. I shall juz hope to find some ways to spend mi time there man..Gorge on the food..man we paid $40 for the buffet there..better be good...haha

I guess that's all so far...take care mi friends